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Old 04-13-2019, 11:32 PM #1
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Default Is it ever ok....

....to walk away from a relationship with someone who has m/h issues? I'm not proud of it, but, I've now chosen to shut out a family member, because I no longer feel able to go forward with them, in a positive way, I've given up all hope that this'll ever happen. We have both kicked the other, tripped them up, shut them off, etc, in the past. Both of us have treated the other horribly badly, over time. I got to a point, that, I think it's best (on all fronts) to go our separate ways. I guess, I'm asking, if/when you believe as though, you've tried everything, and you feel you'd all be best off, not interacting, is it acceptable to just give up on a person?

Sorry for ranting, I've been told I can't just cut off from people, but I disagree.
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Old 04-14-2019, 12:00 AM #2
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

What you are describing is not “cutting someone off” but rather acknowledging that, after a lot of tries, this specific relationship does not work.

It is okay to acknowledge that and decide to move on.
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:42 AM #3
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

I feel like this about my brother, his wife and my father. My family is very dysfunctional ( as am I). I do believe that if you can't bring good to each other than don't show up at all.
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Old 04-14-2019, 07:16 PM #4
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

Estrangement from family is a lot more common than you may think, Miss P. It's actually VERY healthy to separate yourself from a family member who is abusing you. I am permanently estranged from my brother (going on ten years now) and have no qualms or regrets. I also have distanced myself from cousin who sexually molested me, and other cousins who emotionally abused me. It's for your own mental health and well-being.

Family estrangement is a matter of perspective. I am pro-estrangement if it means you'll feel safer being away from that family member.
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:39 PM #5
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

I had to walk away from my H (finally after 33 years) It had become so bad that when I felt trapped suicide seemed like my inly way out. I knew the one diagnosis he got but sensed there was much more causing the problems & I was at the point where he drove my situational depression & anxiety far beyond liveable & my anger after all those years of dealing with him just exploded. Leaving was my only path to sanity & not to suicide.

Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do for our own well being & make that our priority no matter what guilt anyone tries to make you feel. Best choice I ever made in my life. Several years after leaving I did discover what mental health issue was really causing the problems.
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:35 AM #6
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

I think its about self preservation. Being in that relationship causes you more stress than you cam deal with and I am guessing that the person is too much for you to handle. You should never remain in a relationship with someone just because they have mental health issues- it isnt healthy for you and its not fair to them.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:32 AM #7
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

Not sure who told you that you cannot just close yourself off from others for the sake of preservation, but I respectfully disagree.

I actually had the moral support and even "whoa surprise" from my maternal family, when at 19y.o., I said to them all, that for the sake of not being continuously put through the emotional ringer, I was going to cease contact with my father. It was that toxic at the time.
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Old 04-15-2019, 08:29 AM #8
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Miss P! I agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with cutting off contacts with a person if you feel like your relationship with that person is hurting BOTH OF YOU! It's just self preservation and there's nothing wrong with that! You're just acknowledging that things aren't working out for both of you! No need to feel ashamed because of that! I hope you'll be able to recognize that and to understand that you're doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG! You've tried your best after all and it STILL hasn't worked out! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! Please be kind to yourself as much as you can! Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let me know if I can do something to help you! Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Miss P! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserves to suffer AT ALL, certainly not such a caring, kind, sweet and wonderful person like you! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:27 AM #9
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Default Re: Is it ever ok....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss P View Post
....to walk away from a relationship with someone who has m/h issues? I'm not proud of it, but, I've now chosen to shut out a family member, because I no longer feel able to go forward with them, in a positive way, I've given up all hope that this'll ever happen. We have both kicked the other, tripped them up, shut them off, etc, in the past. Both of us have treated the other horribly badly, over time. I got to a point, that, I think it's best (on all fronts) to go our separate ways. I guess, I'm asking, if/when you believe as though, you've tried everything, and you feel you'd all be best off, not interacting, is it acceptable to just give up on a person?

Sorry for ranting, I've been told I can't just cut off from people, but I disagree.

I have to agree with others and to carry it further, for the sake of taking care of yourself, it is almost always the right thing to do - especially after trying to make the friendship/relationship work many times.


Also I have to add, you said
Quote:
]....to walk away from a relationship with someone who has m/h issues?

mental health issues does not in any way make you more obligated to stay in the relationship any more than with someone that does not have these issues. The idea that in some way because someone else is struggling with something makes you obligated to take care of, help or even just be friends with them is just not the right way to look at it.
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