Need affection like oxygen - Forums at Psych Central



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View Poll Results: Which are you
Need affection 6 66.67%
Need affection
6 66.67%
Want affection 3 33.33%
Want affection
3 33.33%
Don't need affection 0 0%
Don't need affection
0 0%
Not affectionate 0 0%
Not affectionate
0 0%
Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-14-2019, 04:33 AM #1
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Default Need affection like oxygen

I sit here in my husband's big ugly chair. It's comfortable and makes me feel closed in , in a good way. I sleep here now because I have had enough of not getting what I need. I need affection. I need it like I need oxygen. I need to be held. I need to be touched gently. I need to feel loving hands move slowly across my skin, over my face, and through my hair. I need to have my back , and feet rubbed. I need to be kissed, and hugged. To have my hand held and asked to sit in his lap. To cuddle, snuggle, make love. Not sex. Not impersonal. No. I need personal. I need connection. I need love and affection. I need to know I can let myself go with him. I want to be one with him. I don't want to doubt my attractiveness anymore. I want to feel special. I need to be told I'm beautiful. I need to be shown. I don't feel beautiful anymore. I feel ugly and useless. He thinks money will make me happy. I don't care much for money. It is useful but if I wanted dates I would ask. All I want is to be held. I think it's stupid to spend money on dates trying to avoid the main issue. Trying to avoid that I feel empty inside. Money isn't going to be able to fix my heart or my self esteem. I need the man I fell in love with back. He held me and made me feel beautiful, smart , and useful. He always told me that clingy was a good thing,and to be as clingy as I want. Now he tells me that I am needy and that he just isn't an affectionate person. We barely have sex. It's usually impersonal and centered around him. I long for a deeper connection. I long to be comfortable with him. When he lost his affectionate side I lost my body positivity. I feel lost in our marriage. I want to be deeply loved. Our relationship has shifted from loving and affectionate to stifling and resembles the vacuum of space. No oxygen except for what's being pulled from my lungs.
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Old 04-14-2019, 02:49 PM #2
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Smile Re: Need affection like oxygen

Hello Cagedcuddlebug: This appears to be your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the women-focused support forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/women-focused-support/

One thing you didn't mention in your post was how old your husband is. I wonder if, perhaps, some of what is going on with him here could possibly be age related. Or perhaps your husband is struggling with some depression. I don't really have anything in particular I can offer with regard to this myself. However here are links to a selection of 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help. They start out with 3 articles on how to revive a marriage. Next are 3 articles on depression in men. The following article (one I am personally fond of) talks about how cool dudes turn into grumpy old men. After that come 2 articles on loneliness within marriage. And finally an article that talks about how to survive & even thrive in an unhappy marriage:

Reviving Your Marriage

6 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Relationship

Reduce Post Romantic Stress and Rekindle Your Connection | Healing Together for Couples

Depression in Men: It Looks Different Than You Might Think

https://psychcentral.com/lib/helping...ression/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...le-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-co...rumpy-old-men/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/loneli...thin-marriage/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...your-marriage/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...ge-and-thrive/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:25 PM #3
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Default Re: Need affection like oxygen

Your post makes it sound like these things once existed in your marriage. What was the catalyst for the rift?
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:50 AM #4
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I am sorry you are going through this. Have you sat down and had a gut-level honest talk with your husband?
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:34 PM #5
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Default Re: Need affection like oxygen

Im sorry youre going through this, I echo the above posts
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