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Old 04-14-2019, 06:29 PM #11
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

If you get past the title and read what the OP says, he clearly loves his fiance and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It did not sound to me that he was not committed.

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Old 04-14-2019, 06:51 PM #12
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

Marriage has nothing to do with wedding ceremonies. I canít care less about ceremonies and had none but I am happily married. Some people have huge graduation parties but it doesnít mean those who had no graduation party or didnít walk on stage, donít have their college degree. Itís silly. One has nothing with another.

And really if you donít want to be married, donít be.

Why bash institution of marriage? Frankly the only people who complain about institution of marriage are either in bad marriages or are very unhappily single and wished they were married. I am yet to meet happily married or happily single people bashing institution of marriage. Itís all projection.

OP, call off the wedding please. There is no law that people must be married. I was single and married. Both have value. Do whatís right for you but please unless you are thrilled to do it, donít marry this woman just because she wants it
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:04 PM #13
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

He loves her and wants her to be happy , so what that the whole wedding isnít a big deal to him.

People do things for the ones they love to make them happy.

I see nothing wrong with what he thinks and feels.

A piece of paper is just that a piece of paper.

His love for her is what matters.

OP , enjoy your life with your happy bride
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:05 PM #14
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
He loves her and wants her to be happy , so what that the whole wedding isnít a big deal to him.

People do things for the ones they love to make them happy.

I see nothing wrong with what he thinks and feels.

A piece of paper is just that a piece of paper.

His love for her is what matters.

OP , enjoy your life with your happy bride

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Old 04-15-2019, 01:02 AM #15
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

This thread makes me fully aware that I'm not culturally an American! In Europe there are a number of legal/ financial ways of affirming couple-ness without a wedding. It's quite normal to do that, and often people who are anti-establishment about weddings or financially struggling take that course for the whole of their lives. Sometimes couples take that route, have their children grow up, and then have a big "getting married" party in their fifties or sixties to celebrate their union.

For example in France their is a civil solidarity pact PACS which you can find described in Wiki and this is very popular. "The PACS was voted by the French Parliament in October 1999, largely to offer some legal status to same-sex couples. In 2012, 94% of PACS were nonetheless between opposite-sex couples.
From a legal standpoint, a PACS is a contract drawn up between the two individuals, which is stamped and registered by the clerk of the court. In some areas, couples signing a PACS have the option of undergoing a formal ceremony at the city hall identical to that of civil marriage. Since 2006, individuals who have registered a PACS are no longer considered single in terms of their marital status; their birth records will be amended to show their status as pacsť."

PACS requires birth certificates of the couple and their parents as documentation but the parents/ family are not necessarily implicated in the ceremony. I also know many older French couples who are have the civil status of a couple but who never married (not sure how they did this). Children from those couples can take either/ both of their natural parents surnames.

Also in Europe even traditional Asian families are looking for ways to avoid expensive weddings because setting up a home together is more of a priority.

Traditions, and family obligations, against a private/ legal change of civil status. From my European point of view, I respect the OP and others for examining all the commitment/ legal options.
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Old 04-15-2019, 01:28 AM #16
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

To me an interesting statistic is that over the first decade of PACS there were way fewer civil unions dissolved in France during their first 3 years than there are divorces in the first 3 years of marriage. If that continues, it might mean that private commitments are as strong or stronger than the traditional forms.
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:19 AM #17
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

You can always draft a health and/or final wishes directive. I myself see little value in the ceremony of marriage, i view it as an archaic ritual that has little to no place in modern society. But being committed in a loving union is a different matter altogether.....which I think is what you are hoping for.

Stuck1nhead, If you love this woman and wish to spend the rest of your life with her...Then I say go with the flow if it is something that will bring her joy and a sense of security.. If it matters neither one way or the other to you, then enjoy the day's celebrations and make some happy memories with your new life partner.
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Old 04-17-2019, 07:26 AM #18
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

You posters may not have seen that the original poster started another thread which further expresses his lack of direction at this point in his life. I really wish people wouldnt start a different thread on exactly the same subject within the same time frame. People who respond to a post take their time genuinely trying to help. Some of the feedback might be a little uncomfortable, but some of the posters have a lot of experience with a particular issue. Donít sabotage your likelihood of getting really relevant tips by starting a different thread giving information which would have helped posters to better understand the situation. Then there are two threads in which we dont reallly have the whole picture. We need to understand the situation to give relevant advice. On the second thread, people continued to caution this young man to slow down and give this more thought. In a situation like this someone could title a second thread: update thoughts on getting married ,something like that.
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Old 04-17-2019, 07:50 AM #19
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

Thanks for pointing this out @luvyrself

I don't typically scan older posts for the sake of gaining more historical perspective to the current post. And with 100s/1000s of members and limited time, I take each post at face value, pretty much.

But I did find an older post. And firmly now stand by my initial gut response reply of 'Why Bother?"
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:00 AM #20
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Default Re: Not exactly thrilled to be getting married

Hi luvyrself,

It can be a challenge when reading a thread and trying to offer advice that you feel can help the OP. Truth is though this is a mental health forum so often it may be helpful if you look at the person's profile page and take a look at their statistics to see what other threads they may have posted that can give you more information about them.

That being said, I admit that I myself don't always do that every time and can find myself getting a reaction of "well don't you know this person is XYZ" when I just don't. It can just be more helpful though when knowing a little more about the person and that way posting isn't just all about "self and self experience and feelings and values".
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