FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#1
I left my ex about a year ago, we were together for 6 years.
Six months ago he picked up a new girlfriend and has told me they are planning on getting married. (We have a child and he feels the need to brag everytime we communicate. Which happens in the middle of conversations regarding our child, the only time I will communicate with him.) Despite this I noticed he brags about working out, volunteering, entrys in 5ks and all types of things I could never get him to do while we whlere together. Have you noticed an abusive ex faking interests for their new supply? |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous44076, Bill3, Fuzzybear
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#2
I am married so I dont have experience with this but it sounds like he really wants to impress you or hurt you. Is he doing those things or just bragging about it?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#3
I am married but I do have an ex husband, albeit he isn’t abusive and we are on friendly terms. If he was abusive, I’d be only talking about our child and only in writing. There are apps like our family wizzard where you can type back and forth info that pertains to custody, no need to engage in conversations
Saying that, there might be ton of reasons why people do things in new relationships that they didn’t do before. Often when people are unhappy (which is worth to assume you and your husband weren’t or you’d still be married) people don’t do fun stuff. New relationship boosts all kind of interest. Or there could be other reasons. My husband did nothing while married to his ex because he simply couldn’t afford it supporting 4 people as she refused to get a job and he was too stressed about everything that was going wrong at all times. We on the other hand have two nice incomes together and we are overall happy so he isn’t stressed all the time so we can do ton on things, together or on our own. My ex husband sails his yacht all over, including crossing Atlantic Ocean. It was always a dream of his. He sure didn't do when we were married. Ton of reasons why. If he doesn’t do any of it and just brags to you, then who cares what’s his deal with. He is an ex, exes are exes for a reason. Tell him to stick to a topic of your kid. |
Reply With Quote |
Iloivar
|
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
15 24.1k hugs
given |
#4
To what extent does he have a genuine wish to include you in his (alleged) happiness?
—versus— To what extent is he saying these things to try to hurt you? |
Reply With Quote |
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#5
It seems he wants to try and make you think he's super happy and is shoving his happiness in your face to hurt you. He's probably still butt hurt that you left him.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#6
It's pretty clear that he's interrupting your conversations about your shared child to try to keep emotionally abusing you. Just live in Reality II, not Reality I (The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans -- a fantastic book I'm reading right now; have you read it yet?) and interrupt him EVERY TIME he tries to derail that conversation back to himself. If you interrupt him consistently, even if you sound repetitive, he'll see that you won't put up with his abusive behavior anymore. If you have full custody of your child together, write down every phone call or visit where he behaves this way, in case you need to go in front of a judge again. Record the conversations on your phone (there's an app that does it) if you have to, to play for the judge.
Cover your bases. That's what you have to do. |
Reply With Quote |
Bill3
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#7
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
9 6 hugs
given |
#8
This sounds like my ex! It’s psychological abuse. He did it when we were together. How ambitious he is, his plans for his future, how great a shape he in and when he goes to the gym he goes in HARD, how he is going to be a millionaire one day and has such high standards..I mean everytime we were on the phone..I had to roll my eyes lol..he went to the gym 6 times in 5 months..such a gym rat he is lol
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
9 183 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
The only reason you should even be conversing with this person is for the sake of the child, nothing more. Who cares what his motivations or intentions are really, he's an ex for a reason. As stated in your title, he's an abusive ex so why would you put yourself in harm's way even verbally when you've broken off the relationship? |
|
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#10
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
New Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 6
5 |
#11
It sounds about right. My ex always seemed to have his life completely in order when he was trying to get me back or make me feel bad about not being with him anymore. Somehow they have this radar to be able to do just that, say the right things, maybe even do them. Don't let him make you feel bad.
|
Reply With Quote |
Bill3
|
Reply |
|