Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal?? - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2019, 06:10 PM #1
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620

2 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

I want people's honest opinion. I already know what I am going to do, but I am interested in the opinions of others on this subject. I was friends with a person who went behind my back and told my husband something that showed she either never listened to me, or, simply wanted to look like the "better" person in the moment. (She had done to me that with others, but THIS was why I ended the friendship.) This was about 20 years or more ago now. We DID have some really fun times, and we are older women now. Ok. What would YOU do? Please be honest and don't judge anyone else. You cannot be wrong on an opinion.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 04-14-2019, 06:38 PM #2
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

Hi Medusax, did you take the time to do a friendship "postmortem" before you reach out to her? That is, did you weigh the good with the bad about your friendship? Be very clear with yourself about what that deal-breaker was for you, that ended your friendship with her. There is a chance she probably hasn't changed...at all. Most people never change. If you do go through with reconnecting to her and she reciprocates, take it very slowly. Start out as acquaintances again. You need to take your time to rebuild your trust with each other, if she is interested in trying to be friends with you again.

Speaking from personal experience, I used those steps to try to rekindle several broken friendships, but each reconnection ended the same way it had before with each former friend: badly. We couldn't let go of our past grudges, past hurts, the pain we caused each other. So, for me, once I let go of a friendship now, I no longer think about that person. Women can hold grudges against each other FOR YEARS whereas men don't even remember what color socks they wore the day before.

Try using email or Facebook to reach out to her. Give her time to process and respond. If she agrees to try again at the friendship: great. BUT, proceed with caution. Do you know what is going on with her life right now? Timing is also key. Make sure you don't pressure her or have unrealistic expectations.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 06:49 PM #3
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620

2 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

Hey StreetcarBlanche...Ok..What happened was that she was talking to my husband (before you ask, NO, she never tried to sleep with him) and KNOWING that he had a spending/laziness problem, told him that "You are responsible for all those animals, she's not....) I was like..excuse me? This is the man who can't mow a lawn, or pick up a paper towel to clean up a coffee spill, a cat hairball, or crumbs from his own sandwich making, while I was working two jobs, and later on, three. I do not know if perhaps he was feeding her a line, but the evidence was overwhelmingly in my favor.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 07:08 PM #4
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

So, the friendship ended because she confronted your husband about his financial straits and disinterest in helping you care for your house pets behind your back? Did you end the friendship because you spoke to her in confidence about your feelings towards your husband not contributing, and she went and blurted that all to him on your behalf, without getting your permission first? I am not clear on exactly what happened.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 07:13 PM #5
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620

2 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
So, the friendship ended because she confronted your husband about his financial straits and disinterest in helping you care for your house pets behind your back? Did you end the friendship because you spoke to her in confidence about your feelings towards your husband not contributing, and she went and blurted that all to him on your behalf, without getting your permission first? I am not clear on exactly what happened.
She wasn't confronting him, she was trying to tell him that he was the "wronged" one. I have no idea what he may have told her at any given time, but she was telling him that I took no responsibility for anything, and he did it all. The opposite was true.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 07:17 PM #6
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620
Medusax Medusax is online now
Veteran Member
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 620

2 yr Member
287 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

I saw her once after that...she had the nerve to tell me: "You are my friend. S is simply your husband." I thought...really?? That was in 2001.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 07:25 PM #7
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

So...she went behind your back to sympathize with your husband and complain about YOU to him?! Yeah, that's uncalled for and very much a betrayal on her part. Wow. Why do you want to be friends again with this woman now? I wouldn't trust her. No way. She sounds like she is a pot-stirrer. Like, she intentionally creates trouble for people because it entertains her. Or, she has zero boundaries and zero common sense and thinks she's being helpful when in reality she's like Godzilla destroying the city.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 07:27 PM #8
downandlonely downandlonely is online now
Poohbah
Chat Moderator
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 2,403
downandlonely downandlonely is online now
Poohbah
Chat Moderator
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 2,403 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
7 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

I would talk to her about the way the friendship ended and if she understands what she did wrong. If not, I wouldn't let her back in my life.
downandlonely is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-14-2019, 08:26 PM #9
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

What is bringing this possibility to your attention at this moment?
Bill3 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-15-2019, 03:38 AM #10
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,981
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,981 (SuperPoster!)

107 hugs
given
Default Re: Rekindle an old friendship that ended because of betrayal??

I would be very wary of this person.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:11 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.