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DazedandConfused254
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:36 PM
  #1
I feel like an outsider in my generation for not enjoying casual relationships/sex. At 24 years old, I’m still a virgin and have never been romantically involved with anybody, but where in the college town where I live, the ones who seem to tote their dates and frequently make out seem to get the most attention. Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not that I’m a strict killjoy about romance and sex, because I think both are wonderful things, so I won’t criticize people who enjoy casual relationships. However, I’m cautious by nature, so I’m not the type to be completely bold about making love to someone whom I barely know. This is just merely a personal preference. I’m also in the process of concentrating only on true friendships, instead of keeping a humongous network of friends and acquaintances in light of hurting myself in striving to please others or fit in with a crowd who barely appreciates/values me. But I’m discouraged when I have talked to my friends in the past about my insecurities arising from several rejections. They acknowledge that many (but not all) people in my generation are largely involved in the “hookup” culture, while others have told me to “lighten up”. Well what if I don’t want to be a part of the hookup culture? What if I prefer lasting friendships/romances that aren’t merely just fleeting?

Is it ok not to enjoy casual sex? Or am I just a weird misfit?

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baobaozi
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 08:25 PM
  #2
I don’t see anything weird with that. I’m 20, and just lose my virginity by hookup last year (It was kinda against my will too). I’ve done a couple of sex and let me tell you that I NEVER ENJOYED THEM AT ALL. I am so confused with people who enjoy it, it just so gross and repulsing to me. But I need to do it cause I got sugar daddy, so aside from that I try to not do it in any way.

You don’t need to blend in with them, just do anything you are comfortable doing. I’m pretty sure there will be someone you’ll be interested enough to do it naturally
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 08:37 PM
  #3
No you aren’t a misfit and not belonging to a hook up culture actually makes you a nice higher quality classy guy, not a misfit. I have two nephews in their 20s and they are as far from
“hookup” culture as one can be. When time comes you’ll meet right people but for now focus on friendships and your education and career.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 04:11 AM
  #4
It is very ok to not be into casual sex. It's honestly a turn on for many women.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 04:30 AM
  #5
There is nothing wrong with your attitude. Some people enjoy casual sex vs. monogamous relationships. fear of being with many partners is common. Personally I enjoy casual sex but have a number of friends that do not. It is a personal choice so neither attitude is right or wrong in my opinion.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 07:20 AM
  #6
There is nothing wrong with you. Are you someone who needs an emotional attachment to be comfortable in proceeding with a physical relationship? That is how I am.

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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 09:02 AM
  #7
It may seem like you're in the minority at times but think of it this way, people that are not into casual sex are also not talking about it to everyone. There are plenty of people, both male and female that are not having the hookups and casual sex. You just don't hear about it.
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DazedandConfused254
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 02:10 PM
  #8
Thank you all so much for your replies! This thread is a real encouragement and asset for me not to feel bad in my current environment which sometimes is notorious for conformity to various ideals and attitudes. Big shout out to @divine1966 and @Ptak for making me feel special and desirable with your posts and for @sarahsweets for reading me like a book. Real love in my worldview definitely includes an emotional component, consisting of giving love and the ability to receive it.

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DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me.

"If you can dream it you can do it!" ~ Walt Disney
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 05:06 PM
  #9
Nothing wrong with you at all, DazedandConfused254. I never liked casual sex when I was in my early 20s (I tried to hookup three times with three different guys, and felt lousy afterward). I'm no virgin mary but the experience went against my moral standards something major.

Everyone has a preference when it comes to casual sex. I know a lot of women and men who have casual encounters while in between relationships, with other people, until they find someone to be in a relationship with. That's not something I can do because it goes against my ideals.

Just stick to your ideals and don't let anyone pressure you into changing your ideals to make them happy. Make yourself happy first.
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 05:08 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
There is nothing wrong with you. Are you someone who needs an emotional attachment to be comfortable in proceeding with a physical relationship? That is how I am.
I'm that way. I need emotional attachment before I'll have sex with a guy. Some guys fake emotional attachment (which stinks). So, hopefully, I will find a guy who doesn't fake emotional attachment, someday in the future. Or not. Who knows.
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DazedandConfused254
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DazedandConfused254 On hiatus from MSF, except for PMs
 
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Default May 03, 2019 at 08:50 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Nothing wrong with you at all, DazedandConfused254. I never liked casual sex when I was in my early 20s (I tried to hookup three times with three different guys, and felt lousy afterward). I'm no virgin mary but the experience went against my moral standards something major.

Everyone has a preference when it comes to casual sex. I know a lot of women and men who have casual encounters while in between relationships, with other people, until they find someone to be in a relationship with. That's not something I can do because it goes against my ideals.

Just stick to your ideals and don't let anyone pressure you into changing your ideals to make them happy. Make yourself happy first.
Thanks for your reply Streetcar. I guess how we approach those relationships is on a very non-controversial level, what kind of food we like. I may go to a Chinese restaurant and may absolutely hate the style they prepare their food, so I'll try another place. Coming from the south I'm also a huge fan of Tex Mex, but would I shame people for thinking it's too greasy? Never! Likewise no way on earth I'll give up my love for Mexican anytime soon ;p Seems to me that's can be the same way with approaches to relationships.

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DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me.

"If you can dream it you can do it!" ~ Walt Disney
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