When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own faults - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-17-2019, 07:23 PM #11
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

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Originally Posted by Sisabel View Post
I think itís so easy to see the mistakes of others and not my own. I can easily give advice to others but itís hard to take my own advice sometimes. I think I have made most of the social mistakes your friend makes. Especially the one about assuming friendships are closer than they are. I have pulled way back from that. What I noticed is that I have a lot of acquaintances but not really any friends. Iím working on accepting that. Itís very hard to build and maintain relationships. Friendships are especially hard I think.
Yeah I agree. And yeah, it is very common for people to think some of their friendships are closer than they really are I made that mistake a lot when I was in high school and before that. It can make it seem like they are purposely being rude when in fact they are just simply not as close.

They may like you, but not as close as they do to others. Iíve come to learn the difference between someone genuinely being rude and someone who just simply doesnít feel close to me but may still like me though. I no longer do that. Iím very careful and I donít assume friendships are super close off the bat. Yeah friendships can be hard.
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:23 AM #12
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

Actually, I can see more where you're coming from this morning too because I had a nightmare about being ignored last night which was so painful! It's one thing for me to intellectualize on this thread and quite another to be singled out in a group and treated with contempt. Horribly painful, and difficult to address. I feel for your friend!

Sorry, sometimes my own analysing mind forgets how painful emotions can be!
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:26 AM #13
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Question Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 View Post
Yeah I agree. And yeah, it is very common for people to think some of their friendships are closer than they really are I made that mistake a lot when I was in high school and before that. It can make it seem like they are purposely being rude when in fact they are just simply not as close.

They may like you, but not as close as they do to others. Iíve come to learn the difference between someone genuinely being rude and someone who just simply doesnít feel close to me but may still like me though. I no longer do that. Iím very careful and I donít assume friendships are super close off the bat. Yeah friendships can be hard.
Very good point!!! I see so many people on this site believing that people are hostile rather than simply disinterested/ preoccupied elsewhere in their lives. I know myself that I close people out when I'm unable to cope - usually because I'm unable to understand where they are coming from. Living in a city I get bombarded with so many incomprehensible behaviours. "If someone would only explain themselves to me... if someone would only take half a step towards communicating their needs fairly and without anger... then I would be supportive". That's how I honestly feel most days: "just freaking tell me what you need without manipulating/ blaming/ or waiting for me to come over your side of the boundary between us and magically know you".

Of course it's not that easy to communicate. I am just being honest about my own side of any unfamiliar interaction which is usually overload and frustration. I tend to stay with people who are easily comprehensible.

Reflecting further, I myself am often unable to gauge the level of interest of the opposite gender (men in my case). Some men flatter for all sorts of reasons other than genuine intentions of relating. Hmmn, would welcome any feedback on that one!


I like what you write about learning to notice the difference between someone who isn't close to you but still likes you! Like that very much!!! I'm sure that attending to that would improve my relationships also, because it would let other people know that I am sensitive to their emotional boundaries. That's super important in getting closer to someone.

Thank you for posting this thread!!!
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remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!

Last edited by saidso; 04-18-2019 at 01:39 AM.
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:25 AM #14
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

Learning to notice degrees of closeness more would be a good thing for me!
But also when I consult inside - my inner self is actually over the moon with about being genuinely "liked" by a few people, indeed by as many people are possible.

If I listen internally, despite cravings for closeness I am more comfortable not dealing with all the sucking and whooshing of energies that means on a daily basis: dealing with that in two directions is too complex for my damaged self. The real interplay of two people's emotions is messier than novels, or even therapy books, say.
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remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
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Old 04-18-2019, 06:30 PM #15
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
Actually, I can see more where you're coming from this morning too because I had a nightmare about being ignored last night which was so painful! It's one thing for me to intellectualize on this thread and quite another to be singled out in a group and treated with contempt. Horribly painful, and difficult to address. I feel for your friend!

Sorry, sometimes my own analysing mind forgets how painful emotions can be!
Iím sorry you had a nightmare. Those are always the worst and such a relief to realize it was just a dream. And yeah it can be painful.
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Old 04-18-2019, 06:42 PM #16
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
Very good point!!! I see so many people on this site believing that people are hostile rather than simply disinterested/ preoccupied elsewhere in their lives. I know myself that I close people out when I'm unable to cope - usually because I'm unable to understand where they are coming from. Living in a city I get bombarded with so many incomprehensible behaviours. "If someone would only explain themselves to me... if someone would only take half a step towards communicating their needs fairly and without anger... then I would be supportive". That's how I honestly feel most days: "just freaking tell me what you need without manipulating/ blaming/ or waiting for me to come over your side of the boundary between us and magically know you".

Of course it's not that easy to communicate. I am just being honest about my own side of any unfamiliar interaction which is usually overload and frustration. I tend to stay with people who are easily comprehensible.

Reflecting further, I myself am often unable to gauge the level of interest of the opposite gender (men in my case). Some men flatter for all sorts of reasons other than genuine intentions of relating. Hmmn, would welcome any feedback on that one!


I like what you write about learning to notice the difference between someone who isn't close to you but still likes you! Like that very much!!! I'm sure that attending to that would improve my relationships also, because it would let other people know that I am sensitive to their emotional boundaries. That's super important in getting closer to someone.

Thank you for posting this thread!!!
Youíre welcome and yeah it can be difficult. I am sensitive too to other peopleís emotions.
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Old 04-18-2019, 06:44 PM #17
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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rdgrad15 Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive mental attitude! :)
 
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Default Re: When we're able to see what others are doing wrong but struggle to see our own fa

Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
Learning to notice degrees of closeness more would be a good thing for me!
But also when I consult inside - my inner self is actually over the moon with about being genuinely "liked" by a few people, indeed by as many people are possible.

If I listen internally, despite cravings for closeness I am more comfortable not dealing with all the sucking and whooshing of energies that means on a daily basis: dealing with that in two directions is too complex for my damaged self. The real interplay of two people's emotions is messier than novels, or even therapy books, say.
Yeah emotions can be so confusing when you want to be liked by others.
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