Need advice for a relationship with a bipolar woman.

Good day everyone.

*If you don't want to read the back story, please scroll to the bottom*

My names Alex, 25, and I'm with a beautiful young lass who I will keep nameless to keep her identity safe. She's 23 and is bipolar.

I've been out of a relationship for over 5 years and this is the first time in awhile I wanted to attempt to be with someone. This woman has taken me by storm and I'm typically walled up preventing myself from getting into a relationship with someone who I didn't like. I've known this woman for a few years through our work and I always found her personality and aura the most attractive thing about her. We both would make a point to dress up nicely to look good for each other when we passed on Tuesdays, it was very silly but instinctive for us to do. She told me she has been hypomanic during that whole time, but everytime I saw her, she carried this light with her as she was traveling down a dark path of drugs, and overall bad choices. Her and I are the same in this regard and we both have been working together to keep away from addictions. We knew we liked each other a lot, especially when we started actually talking.

It's been a short period since we've been talking and it all started on February 12th. It was an all day ordeal for weeks, from the moment we both had woken up to the moment we fell asleep we were constantly talking. There were a couple patches in between this stage but we overcame them and continously talked and confessed our beliefs and feelings. On March 2nd, we made it official and we were finally together after I gave her a kiss after having an amazing night seeing a show out of town together. It wasn't us who decided we were together, it was everyone around us making the assumption that we were and calling us, "the couple of the night." We accepted that was a great night to consider it the beginning!

Everything from then on for the most part was spectacular together. We were literally inseperable and she stayed at my house almost every night since then. She thanked me and God himself for putting me in her life, to bring her out of her long-term depression and said she hasnt felt a bit of hypomania since being with me. Her mother even thanked me a couple times for making her so happy, it really warmed my heart to know I had such an impact on this blissful girl I madly fell in love with. My whole family loved her too and everyone said we were perfect together. We never cared who was watching, we would always be holding each other and kissing out in public places. I've given her so much to look forward too this year and taught her how to keep her head high and to look forward and keep the past in the past and to not dwell on it. I even made her closer to God who she is truly devoted too. I fell SO HARD for her.. Don't get me wrong, there were still some trying times together over exes, my dumb drunk parents and drinking too much, Dumb things, but we preserved.

It all went wrong on March 28th. I know, I know. We made a terrible decision. I don't need anyone to tell me that. We took excasty together. The after effects of that high has been devastating. We could barely feel emotions for weeks,. She was at a point where she was just done trying with life. Done giving effort. Her symptoms of depression and hypomania started to reappear. And I became very depressed myself. I had cried and prayed to God for the first time in 15 years to bring my love back to me. I can still feel the sadness. Even though I was depressed, I did all I could to muster the strength to be there for her. I made her a warm bubble bath, cooked nutritious dinners, gave her a massage, wrote letters to her to remind her that these feelings are only temporary.

We managed to get by, but it was so rough let me tell you, and things haven't been the same since. There are days now where we are almost identical to what we were before, like Easter Sunday and other days where she is starting to show her signs of bipolarism. One instance was she started believing she still had feelings for her ex one morning last week after a bad dream she had. I personally thought we were done for and we were going to split up. She felt bad and stupid for thinking that way and we managed to resolve it. Just yesterday after our glorious day on Sunday, we hardly spoke all day. I was a bit upset with her because she says shes going to call me, promises and swears to me she will but doesnt and winds up falling asleep. She was out of town with her family for half of Friday and all of Saturday and she said and did the same thing. I was a bit resentful and I didn't reply to her when she first woke up. She mentioned it when she woke up again and was a bit upset. I called her and talked about it with her and such. She had to go to work the same time I got off, and I ended up falling asleep soon as I got home so we didn't say much for another few hours. She did try to say something but I didn't reply because I was asleep and a couple hours later she hit me with a list of problems she had with me. I was kinda in shock, like I know what I said but some of it is untrue and the rest of it I can compromise with her and work around it. The most affecting thing she said was, "I'm starting to think I'm not right for you." Basically what she means is that I want her to be perfect for me all the time and also if she doesn't want to have sex, she's afraid of telling me in fear I'm going to get annoyed. The moment I woke up, I went to work trying to reason with her and explain myself to her telling her it wasn't like that at all and that I believe we should talk about everything in person. She sent me very short responses and acted like she didn't want to talk to clear the air. I tried to be very stable about it with her, trying to reassure her that it's not like that and that I love her regardless how she looks or weighs and that I want to be a better boyfriend by learning her bipolarism.

After a flurry of long texts to her after her short ones, she told me that she was sorry for the short replays because she was busy doing her paper. I then tried to get her to come over after she got off work so we could talk about it. I knew everything she mentioned wasn't a large issue and that we could get through it easily by talking. She passed, and said she was too tired and nauseous because of her nerves and decided to go home. That she would text me when she got home.

I didn't recieve a text which has been typical of her recently. I still tried reassuring her that it was fine and to trust in everything I just wrote for her. I woke up this morning trying to be calm and collected for her and had texted her a good morning. Hope she felt better, that she is awesome and I pray to God that today will be a better day. Also said I love you of course. She replied, saying good morning, she feels a whole lot better, that she loves me too and hopes I have a good day. I told her it will be 100 times better when I see her today! (Today is Tuesday after all, we are suppose to see each other). I didn't hear anything. I texted again telling her how she can still talk to me, that I do want to talk about yesterday and to please not to shut me out if shes feeling upset or depressed.

I still haven't heard from her a couple hours later. I'm sorry for this long long story. There's more details I left out, but at this point I only want her to not give up on our new relationship. I dearly love this girl, we've talked about so much like children and marriage, our careers and our home. She states that I'm perfect and have made her so happy. I even gave her a promise ring to promise her a future with me and have stability in all aspects. That means MENTAL stability. I'm doing an awful job obviously and I just want to be there to support her if she's having an episode and to open her up to me when she's like this. It's extremely difficult to do that when I'm not able to get a response from her anymore. It's actually making me feel sick and insane, but typing this whole thing out has really taken a load off of my mind and chest.

For those of you who have a relationship with a bipolar significant other or a woman who does have bipolarism, can you please share with me any tips or relationship advice to help a man support a woman who has this disease? What can I do to prevent episodes like this other than avoiding drugs? Are there any websites, books or things I could use to help me? Actions or words of comfort I can give her? Should I be stern when she's ignoring me like this? I could ask so many questions here, all advice is extremely appreciated. I didn't give my beautiful girl a promise ring for nothing. I always try to live by my word.

Thank you all ever so kindly, I look forward to your replies.

-Alex

I have bipolar that is treated very well with medication. Is she on medication? Does she have a psychiatrist? Unfortunately bipolar is very much an issue with the individual with the bipolar and there is nothing you can do to stop these episodes or prevent them and when they happen you have to wait them out. I know you say you love her and she loves you but you two just might not be right for each other without some serious individual therapy on your own. Its important to get to the bottom of the drug issue because that mucks everything up. And as you can see even one time can do it. Ecstasy is rough stuff it affects all the chemicals in the brain and completely washes them out. So it makes sense that if affected you both. She is not showing you the same amount of interest for whatever reason and I fear you are hanging on hoping she will change. She may or may not but without therapy and medication, IMO the outlook is weak.

I'm so sorry you and your girlfriend are going through all of this, AlonMag! I completely agree with what sarahsweets has already wisely said better than I ever could! I'd suggest you to listen to her as much as you can! She always gives SUCH GREAT ADVICE to EVERYONE like in this case! I completely agree with what sarahsweets has already wisely said better than I ever could about taking some meds! I feel like that may really help her! Does she see a therapist? Maybe that could help! She could learn new ways to cope with her feelings! I feel like she may really need to reach out to a professonal as soon as she can if she wants to feel good and to get better! Unfortunately you can't "prevent" these episodes. They can just happen sometimes. I'd suggest to just be there to support her and perhaps suggest her so reach out to a professional to get some help if she hasn't already! I feel like that's VERY important! Remember that SHE'S the one that needs to put the hard work if she wants to get better! It is not UP TO YOU to change her and it is NOT YOUR FAULT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Remember to take care of yourself as well! We can't fully help other if we're not taking care of ourselves first after all, right? Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let us know if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that WE can do to BOTH help YOU OUT! Just let us know and mention it and we'll ALL try to do OUR BEST! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I'm so sorry you and your girlfriend are going through ALL OF THIS! You BOTH don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserve to suffer AT ALL, certainly not two caring, kind, strong, supportive, sweet wise and wonderful people LIKE YOU BOTH ARE! You're BOTH STRONG, WONDERFUL PEOPLE! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you and your girlfriend BOTH have to deal with ALL OF THIS, AlonMag!

Thank you for the reply Sarahsweets!!!

Yes, she has a psychiatrist and she is on Lamictal for her bipolarism. You're right as I'm quickly learning, that she is dealing with this mostly on her own in her head. I told her I would be her rock she can tie too when the seas get rough and stormy. Right now, I'm learning how to be that rock. She appreciates me a lot for accepting her and loving her for all her flaws. I've actually been helping her keep on top of taking her meds and left a couple of each at my house in case she forgets them. I even drove 15 mins one way to her parents, 30 mins the other way to bring her her medicine that she left so she wouldn't be as late. I'm trying my best for her, like I promised.

I know it seems like we may not be the one for each other, especially on the account by the way I spoke about her on this forum. I'm in a sort of state of emergency trying to do what's best right now for her so I talked negatively. Its not always like this though, some days are absolutely wonderful. I have to disagree with you though, I fully believe we are well compatible because she fulfills me with much happiness and I have pride that I support her. She reminds me frequently on her good days with words of assurances, with her touch and loving nature, that she absolutely adores me and appreciates having me in her life. Just the shear circumstances how we are together and how hard we fell for each, we believe God put us here and is testing us constantly to see if we can manage. However, this episode hit where she's probably very depressed and feeling alone right now. I want to learn, take notes, make plans for future episodes, make reminders that everything is going to be okay. And then on her good days, I want to try my best to keep it from happening as often even though it is inevitable and be prepared for it. I always try to give her something to look forward such as adventures and gifts, I try to speak optimistically to her as much as I can while also giving her compliments every single day.

Together, we realized we made a terrible decision to do the excastcy. But we have finally started to bounce back and be like we once were. She's made an effort to cut out the bad people in her life she associated with partying and had bad juju, we no longer smoke marijuana anymore, and we've really started to cut back on excessive drinking. Also we cook healthy meals much more than the occasional taco bell drive thru.

Her interest is back and forth right now. Easter, just two days ago, she gave me so much affection. But now she is supposedly having family issues that she doesn't want me involved in. She wants to be left alone right now and I respect that. She told me this a short time ago and also stated that she loved me and has a lot of respect for me. Is there more advice you could give during these times and when more episodes hit in the future so I can be ready?

Thank you again so much for the reply,

-Alex

MickeyCheeky, thanks for replying. You are extremely sweet and your words warm my heart.

Yes, she does see a therapist and she is on medication called Lamictal. I try to remind her to take it when I'm with her but she has a very forgetful mind and sometimes I'll need to run and grab it for her while she's at work.

I fully agree with both you and Sarahsweets. She does need to have professional help and medication, which she does!! But this is the first time I've been with anyone for over 5 years and I've never known anyone with bipolar. So this is all brand new too me and it can be challenging at times. I feel like I'm losing everything when she becomes depressed or shuts me out. I became very attached to her very quick and I don't see us splitting apart right now as an option. I only ever want to be there for her and I am trying to learn how to be more calm and cool and not get as emotional and begin to start overthinking things when she gets this way. I have to be strong for her. Is there any tips or advice you could give me to make me stronger? Maybe approaches I can take to reassure her feelings or have her open up more to me? I feel if I can just talk to her then I could talk her through it. I have in the past before a few times with her.

Thank you so much again for your reply,

-Alex