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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 06:18 AM
  #21
That is a tough one. It would be easier to not go if she was rude to you, but if she's always been friendly... is it a two hour thing or an all day event?
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 06:30 AM
  #22
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That is a tough one. It would be easier to not go if she was rude to you, but if she's always been friendly... is it a two hour thing or an all day event?
You're right. It is a tough one! It's an afternoon thingy... probably several hours.

I still have NO clue what to do! I have not RSVD'd yet.

On the one hand, I like the idea that IF I go, it's an opportunity to get to know my fiance's group better, all on my own and without him. Then the next time I see them all, it will be easier to socialize with the group.

On the other hand, I AM much older, I AM the odd ball, I don't really know any of the women and am not close to ANY of them, so it's very awkward for me. There's only one other women I see out periodically and we're friendly, but that's it.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:01 AM
  #23
What kind of a bridal shower lasts several hours? I can’t imagine spending more than two hours at one.

I would never even think as you are about any difference in age between me and these women, especially not in the capacity of being at a bridal shower. You aren’t talking about a bachelorette party, right? Even then, you are not so much older that I’d ever feel like a fish out of water. Also, I’ve seen so many of those where the older generation of women join in at the strip club and everyone has a good time.

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:07 AM
  #24
To all honesty I just really don’t understand age difference concern. This is wedding shower, those are attending by women including women related to a bride, could be her mom and grandma and aunt in presence and sometimes grandmas or moms friends who obviously are older. There could be people of any age. You likely won’t be alone older than others. Maybe if you were 90. If you are invited to a birthday party would you be concerned that people are younger or older than you?

Not knowing others could be a legitimate worry but at one point you don’t know anyone when you go places like a new job or new social group. Could you push yourself out of your comfort zone? You have great communication skills and I bet you can converse about things.

Have you been to other wedding showers? Typically you’ll eat and drink likely sitting down. Then bride will be opening gifts and you’ll be clapping. And then you’ll have dessert and go home. Maybe they’ll play stupid games which could be good because you’d be forced to participate. But other than that you likely will just sit at the table.

I do understand how it could be a drag but I was really puzzled by age comment. Is it an excuse or is it for real? I go to high school graduation parties when invited. Lol talk about age difference ...or boredom. haha I typically just give my gift, eat what’s there (often terrible food) and converse with whoever is there and then make my exit. Nothing to sweat about

Don’t fuss about it. Go and if it is not a good experience then you tell us about it and we will all laugh. I personally want to hear about this shower especially if they play terrible games lol
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:15 AM
  #25
There are two different things; bridal shower and bachelorette party. A bridal shower is where you give the bride a set of dish towels, lol, and talk about her wedding jitters. A bachelorette party is where she goes out dancing with her girlfriends for one last hurrah. They are two and separate because you can’t bring granny to the strip club! Lol

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:20 AM
  #26
I feel slightly invalidated.m by some of the comments. I know you’re all trying to help. I feel uncomfortable, ok? I’ve met this group of women before. Yes I can step out of my comfort zone but for me I just feel a lot older than this group and not in the same bracket.. It’s not comfortable for me. Period. I am uneasy about it. Maybe it’s social anxiety I don’t know.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:22 AM
  #27
Keeping them separate is also important as this brings back a funny memory. My friend had a bridal shower and our mutual friend (now neither of us are no longer friends with her after 40 years) gave the bride a big, black dildo to open right in front of her mother! Noooooo, that was a gift for the bachelorette party!

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:24 AM
  #28
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I feel slightly invalidated.m by some of the comments. I know you’re all trying to help. I feel uncomfortable, ok? I’ve met this group of women before. Yes I can step out of my comfort zone but for me I just feel a lot older than this group and not in the same bracket.. It’s not comfortable for me. Period. I am uneasy about it. Maybe it’s social anxiety I don’t know.
You won’t be the oldest one there. I apologize for the invalidation. I understand you feel insecure about the age difference. These are your husband’s friends though, so you inherited them as yours. It is a tricky situation.

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:32 AM
  #29
Sorry I don’t mean to invalidate. I understand not wanting to go somewhere. Don’t even need a reason not wanting! It’s ok if you don’t go. I was just trying to give a positive spin to it. There are reasons not to go (discomfort and just not wanting) and reasons to go (you will have to have these people in your life and it’s important for your fiancée). If you go you might get to know few of them and then it will be easier in the future as you will have to see these people. Or maybe food will be good. Or something else might be fun. Just weigh pros and cons and see which ones wins

But you are totally free not to go. Send a gift and say you are sick.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:52 AM
  #30
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Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I feel slightly invalidated.m by some of the comments. I know you’re all trying to help. I feel uncomfortable, ok? I’ve met this group of women before. Yes I can step out of my comfort zone but for me I just feel a lot older than this group and not in the same bracket.. It’s not comfortable for me. Period. I am uneasy about it. Maybe it’s social anxiety I don’t know.
How about you try this: RSVP Yes but either in the formal response or a follow up call or email you let her know that you have a previous engagement scheduled (party, baby shower-whatever) so you are only able to stay two hours or pick a time-like 2pm. This was no one can say you didnt go and talk smack about you and you are made too uncomfortable for too long/

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:57 AM
  #31
I think the bigger issue is that you are having to adapt to having these new friends in your life because they are so much a part of your fiancé’s life. You aren’t taking to them. There’s something about them that is off-putting.

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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 10:53 AM
  #32
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I think the bigger issue is that you are having to adapt to having these new friends in your life because they are so much a part of your fiancé’s life. You aren’t taking to them. There’s something about them that is off-putting.
Good thinking. My husband has some friends that I don’t even understand how they became his friends. Especially one guy. It was before my time. Luckily they aren’t big part of our lives at all. They are somewhat embarrassing to say the least.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 11:20 AM
  #33
Thanks everyone! I appreciate the support and validation of my feelings!

It’s really only the bride to be I find to be off putting. She’s loud and kind of obnoxious.

I like sarah’s idea of a time limit and prior commitment. That way I do the right thing and also limit my time.

I guess I just feel uneasy because I don’t know anyone. I’m never comfortable in that situation. And I’ll have to go solo .. they all know each other.

And it’s not as though these women are my fiancé’s friends. Like I said before she’s the bride of one of his best friends. His friends are the guys and a few of the women from this crew.

Oh I wish it were easier! I also love the notion of completely bailing and sending a nice gift!!! Lol.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 12:46 PM
  #34
So, did you talk to your fiance about it yet?
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 04:26 PM
  #35
Not yet. I will.
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