[WishfulThinker66]

So another thread caused me to think of this and I wonder if anyone else has experienced this or has any idea why a person would behave in such a fashion.

My father gives things away all the time - regardless if the object is his to give away. I know it drove my mother resentful and angry as most of these items were hers but on occasion it would be something belonging to me.

It usually works this way: a guest is over and makes comment about how nice something is and before you know it my father has placed it in their hands and insists they take it with them. The person is usually shocked and embarrassed and desperately tries to not accept the gift but my father won't allow them to leave without it.

It happened with toys of mine. I recall many times tears flowing down my cheeks as some other child walked out the door with my belongings. When I got older it became items like books and Nick nacks of importance to me. More recently I was at his home for a dinner party. When someone told him how much they liked a piece of art on the wall, my dad walked over, removed it and before I knew it the painting was in their hands. The problem? It was a painting I had made and given to my father. How irritated I was. It showed no appreciation for the work I did and certainly no acknowledgement of the cost I had invested in it.

I spoke up about it that time, pointing out the frame alone was hundreds of dollars. His response was to tell me that it should be appreciated by as many people as possible.

Why would my dad do this? Not once, not twice, but repeatedly?

[Open Eyes]

Wow, that is strange and disrespectful if he is giving things away that don't even belong to him and even without asking first.

[WishfulThinker66]

I realize he usually sends me out the door with something in my hands and I am sadly and embarrassingly right now looking at a cookbook he sent me home with my last visit. It now dawns on me it was probably my step mothers. Oooops.

[WishfulThinker66]

I know he grew up extremely poor, did without, and had little. If anything you would think he would want to hang on to things.

[divine1966]

My dad gives me stuff all the time. Usually useless. Expired. My mom used to tell me not to argue and just take it and pitch it later.

You know in some cultures if you praised something in people’s house they’ll force you to take it. They get offended if you don’t take it. Georgians do that (not American Georgians but Georgians from Georgia in Caucasus area). My mom used to do that. If anyone liked anything, she would insist you take it. So I’d have to resist it. I don’t do it. If my daughter likes something I might buy her similar thing next time I see it in the store. But I don’t give my stuff away, i am very attached to my stuff

So on the subject of cultures, did your dad grow up in
a culture that do such things like having an obligation to give away stuff to people who compliment it?

[hvert]

I had a friend with no money and four kids who was always giving away everything. I think having nothing made it easier for her to give things away, since she was already used to not having them in the first place. I never thought about it before, but I am pretty sure she did give away her children's things. She was also extremely religious and not having material attachments may have demonstrated devotion to her.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by divine1966

....You know in some cultures if you praised something in people’s house they’ll force you to take it. They get offended if you don’t take it......... So on the subject of cultures, did your dad grow up in
a culture that do such things like having an obligation to give away stuff to people who compliment it?

Frankly I really don't know. His mother was from several generations back English so I doubt this was the case. His father was off-the-boat Danish., a culture I know nothing about.

As mentioned elsewhere it very well could be a case of having been so devastatingly poor that it is important to share what one has. Hmmm. Still, giving away a cook book is one thing but giving away a piece of art worth hundreds of dollars or your children's toys is another entirely.

There might be another thing going on here that just now occurs to me. My mom was a bit of a hoarder (perhaps in turn a result of my father's actions). I think because of this, dad was upset or uncomfortable with all the stuff (much of it useless) sitting around. Maybe this was a way of decluttering? Still, that doesn't explain taking a painting off a wall. Grrr, I still haven't forgotten that.

[Open Eyes]

Often if someone does come from a poor background they are taught that when they grow out of things (clothes, toys, books etc.) to give them to others and they are also taught to accept things from others too.

I remember how my mother encouraged me to take care of my clothes so when I grew out of them we could give them to someone else that might need them. My mother tended to have a family that we got things for and even gave our things to because the family was poor. One of the things that was difficult for me was when I got things for my mother her response tended to be "oh you should not have". I have a feeling this was imprinted in her from her parents that had a hard time accepting gifts but encouraged sharing and giving to others. My mother's parents were Scottish and grew up in Scottland.

[divine1966]

My sister in law is a hoarder pretty much so my brother routinely pitches stuff including hers. He just can’t handle it.