Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-23-2019, 06:57 PM #1
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Default Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

It's my fiance's good friends who are getting married. She is not a favored one of the couple, between me and my fiance. His friend is his good friend. His friend's soon to be wife is not so much. Neither one of us care for her too much. She's very loud and obnoxious, but she's always been cordial and friendly to me.

So I was invited to her GIRLS ONLY wedding shower, with all these women I don't even know except perhaps ONE woman.

And honestly? Since I am not close with any of these women, and many I won't even know at all, I feel very odd going -- I will be the odd-ball, and I really don't want to go at all.

The only reason to go is to please her and to make my fiance happy.

But I almost want something to come up so that I don't have to go.... any excuse!

At the same time, I feel totally obligated to go and guilty if I don't. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What do I do???
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Old 04-23-2019, 07:00 PM #2
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

Make up an excuse and donít go if you donít want to go. You are under no obligation to.
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Old 04-23-2019, 07:01 PM #3
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Make up an excuse and donít go if you donít want to go. You are under no obligation to.

Thx! What about the guilt?
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Old 04-23-2019, 07:48 PM #4
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

I can only speak about myself. I personally would most certainly go to wedding shower if my husbands friend was getting married and I was invited. Even if bride to be is not my favorite Iíd still go. The only reason Iíd not go to is if I have true reason like was feeling sick or was busy with something important like job conference etc Not knowing other people would not stop me from going to events. So I am no help here. But if you decide not go just say you have a bad cold or something, not feeling well is a typical reason not to attend something .
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Old 04-23-2019, 08:00 PM #5
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

I don't want to go though, and I don't feel comfortable going whatsoever. I would only go to please my fiance.
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Old 04-23-2019, 09:17 PM #6
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I don't want to go though, and I don't feel comfortable going whatsoever. I would only go to please my fiance.
I understand not wanting. I was just saying that Iíd go regardless. I think going to please your fiancťe is a valid reason to go
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Old 04-24-2019, 02:16 AM #7
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

I understand not wanting to go. Are any of these women coming to your wedding?
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Old 04-24-2019, 03:29 AM #8
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

This woman will be an integral part of your social group once she is married to your good friend. If it were me, I would make an appearance with a great wedding shower gift...and do your best to get along with her, and be social with her friends. You don't have to stay all evening.....just politely make an excuse and slip away.
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Old 04-24-2019, 04:14 AM #9
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, golden_eve! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, kind, wise and wonderful advice and suggestions on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! I understand what you mean. If you truly don't feel like going I'd say that you can just make up an excuse and say you can't go! As for the guilt, have you talked to your boyfriend about this and about how you feel about going there? I'd suggest to talk to your boyfriend about ALL of this and see how it goes from there! Maybe that could help! Just be honest with him and tell him the reasons why you don't feel comfortable about going there! Hopefully he'll listen to what you have to say and understand you and perhaps he will offer you some advice and suggestions! Most importantly, perhaps it will help you relieve your guilt a little bit if all of this is mostly related to making your boyfriend happy, right? Another thing you can do do relieve your guilt may be to send this woman and your boyfriend's friend some nice gifts or anything that may sort f "make up" for your absence! It's not the same thing of course but I'd say it IS the best alternative if you decide NOT to go! Perhaps you or all the other wise, wonderful posters have other ideas in mind! This is just a thought! Please DO consider it and let us know how it goes and what you decide to do, ok? Sending many hugs to you, golden_eve!
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:09 AM #10
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Default Re: Dilemma Over a Wedding Shower

Thank you, everyone!

I like the perspective that I am going to need to mingle with his friends more and more and so I might as well go in order to get to know them better and mingle with them. This is true!

I had posted a thread about my discomfort around his friends before. From a more positive angle, here's an opportunity for me to mingle without my fiance around and to get to know these women better.

Good food for thought!

My inclination is to shy away and to think more negatively about it -- ie, I will be the odd ball and left out. I am older than most the women.

I will think on this more.... I thank you all for your kind & thoughtful replies!!!
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