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thekingof8
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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 06:45 PM
  #1
This post is about my family, and less about me (for a change).

I can sense there is a lot of tension in my parents' house. I use to live there, so I experienced firsthand. Most (if not all) of it centers around my 94 year old Grandmother, and the way my mother is handling her. She has dementia, and is only on one kind of medication. Most dementia patients are typically on more than one, according to people I have spoken with. My mom steadfastly refuses to put her on more meds after what it did to my great aunt years ago. However, my great aunt lived in a small town where there weren't as many resources, and we live in a bigger city where there are more resources to help. My mom just refuses to listen and it's frustrating. She has always been like that and I get very angry and frustrated with her, almost wanting to ring her neck.

It's taken its toll on everyone else. It's gotten to my father, who was a grumpy, cranky old man to begin with. It's also stressing out the cats. There have been a lot of changes, with me moving out, the bathroom being redone, and the tension going on. A couple of them having peeing and shitting in various places in the house, likely due to the stress. I try to explain this to my parents, but of course, they don't listen.

I feel sorry for my sister and her 4 year old daughter. They're stuck there because my sister is in a poor financial situation (a lot of it is her own fault, but still). We were talking about how she would like to get a place of her own and the cats, but her credit rating is ****. Her and my niece were watching the real estate channel and looking at house the little one said something like could have her own house.

I'm really concerned right now. I don't go over that much because I can sense the stress and I hate to see my grandmother in that condition. I just find it so cruel that she won't get any help for her and she's letting her suffer like that. My mom is clearly in denial over this, as my grandmother will have 10 bad days in a row and one good day, and my mom will say something like "See, she's fine." My mom has always been like this. She refused to believe I was diabetic when I told her my symptoms. She also didn't want to believe my depression when I was in high school either. If it wasn't for a very sympathetic teacher (who I recently found on Facebook and finally had the chance to thank) and my guidance counselor, who knows what would've happened.

I just don't know what to do. She won't listen and everyone is suffering. I moved out in February, and I feel like I'm finally starting to get better. I'm also very Empathic, so it's hard for me to see other people, and animals, suffer. I feel like something bad is going to happen.

Any suggestions?
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healingme4me
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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 07:21 PM
  #2
So sorry that you are going through this. It's tough being in a position of being on the outside, looking in, knowing there's better ways. At the same time, it's out of your scope of control. Caring for an aging parent(in your mom's case) isn't easy and then some, add dementia to the mix and whoa. Sounds like an assisted living facility/nursing home is out of the question and your mom chooses to have your grandmother live out her dying days in their home? Your mom must be, what, late 60s/early 70s and retired herself? What a burden to bear. No wonder things are so tense, caregiver burnout is no joke. It's noble and kind and 'affordable'. Sometimes people bite off more than they can chew. And denial seems an appropriate term.
I don't know, if you yourself don't even know, what to suggest to your mom to get her compliance with drs prescriptions or to view the reality for what it is. Medicine has made leaps and bounds, but it's hard to not judge based upon past experiences within families.

Sending support and well wishes
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sarahsweets
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 06:49 AM
  #3
I dont know what to say.. your mom is doing a disservice to your grandma for sure but I am not sure if you can do anything about it. How does she react when you talk to her about it?

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thekingof8
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Default Apr 22, 2019 at 09:28 AM
  #4
My sister and I have repeatedly tried talking to her, but it's like talking to a brick wall.
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Default Apr 23, 2019 at 08:47 PM
  #5
It doesn’t sound like you can do anything about this. I wonder how your mother would feel if she thought about this... what if she were to be treated like this one day? Do unto others... and all that. I’m very sorry and I hope the situation somehow improves.
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