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Old 04-24-2019, 02:34 PM #1
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Default Codependent but no family of origin issues.

I have certain co-dependency traits. After a lot of reading about the subject, everything fits perfectly except for the cause. Every resource I look at states that these sorts of issues are caused by childhood neglect or abuse. However, I come from a loving and supportive family, who I have always had good relations with and who I value and respect. Since most treatment comes through confronting these particular issues, I'm stuck with a lot of advice that doesn't really fit my case. I can't find any information about other causes, so I'm at a bit of a loss trying to find information that can help. Does anyone know of any resources that deal with codependency without pointing the finger at early developmental stagnation?
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Old 04-24-2019, 07:50 PM #2
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

I'm sorry. I wish I could shed some light for you. I'm co dependent also but yeah like you've mentioned I never really had my parents around. Only really got to know them over a phone.

Co dependency really does suck and i hope u work it out and get some help. Is there a specific problem u are in that this is a issue right now? Like being with someone for the wrong reasons ect or are u just trying to understand it
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Old 04-25-2019, 04:19 AM #3
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

Are diagnosed with a mental illness? I believe that in itself can be a cause.
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Old 04-25-2019, 07:29 AM #4
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

What are your co-dependency traits?

How long have you had them?
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Old 04-25-2019, 03:47 PM #5
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

JadedEmpath, just use the internet for articles on codependency. Also, schedule a session with a therapist who practices cognitive therapy. If you have those traits, sorry but your family of origin created you to have those traits. People aren't born codependent, they're made that way by their family members dysfunctional traits. These could be with communication, socialization, how they reward/punish you for behavior, how they use shame, praise, etc.,. and how the family system is set up.

Dysfunctional Family Defined (31 Patterns And How To Deal With Them)

Dysfunctional families-have-common-destructive-traits

Defining the Traits of Dysfunctional Families | King University Online

8 Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family - Psych2Go
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Old 04-25-2019, 04:38 PM #6
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, JadedEmpath! I completely understand what you mean! I completely agree with what all the other great, kind, wise and wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, kind, wise and wonderful advice and suggestions on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! I'm not sure of what may be the cause unfortunately so I don't have a lot of advice to give to you about all of this! I do believe there CAN be other causes as well though or perhaps some things that you may have noticed up to this point in your life! Just some thoughts I've wanted to share! Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help! You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings if you haven't already! Please DO consider it if you're not seeing one already, ok? Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let us know if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that we may do to HELP YOU OUT! Just LET US KNOW and MENTION IT and we'll HELP YOU OUT as mcuh as we possibly can and WE'LL TRY OUR BEST TO HELP YOU OUT! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THIS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know howit goes and please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN! We DO CARE about you and we DO want to know how it goes and how things will go for you! I hope you'll be able to get the help you NEED and DESERVE! You DESERVE to GET BETTER and TO FEEL GOOD! You deserve to live an HAPPY, FULFILLING LIFE just like EVERYONE ELSE DOES! You deserve ALL of what I've just mentioned and MUCH, MUCH MORE because YOU'RE AWESOME, YOU ROCK and YOU KNOW IT! We ALL know that! I'm sure you know that as well even if it's deep down inside you! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, JadedEmpath!!!!!
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Old 04-27-2019, 12:54 AM #7
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
JadedEmpath, just use the internet for articles on codependency. Also, schedule a session with a therapist who practices cognitive therapy. If you have those traits, sorry but your family of origin created you to have those traits. People aren't born codependent, they're made that way by their family members dysfunctional traits. These could be with communication, socialization, how they reward/punish you for behavior, how they use shame, praise, etc.,. and how the family system is set up.

Dysfunctional Family Defined (31 Patterns And How To Deal With Them)

Dysfunctional families-have-common-destructive-traits

Defining the Traits of Dysfunctional Families | King University Online

8 Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family - Psych2Go
You make a great point that family origin does not always mean abuse or neglect, but could be a matter of being dysfunctional.
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Old 04-27-2019, 12:18 PM #8
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
You make a great point that family origin does not always mean abuse or neglect, but could be a matter of being dysfunctional.
Thanks. Healthy family systems don't create codependency in their members. It just doesn't work that way. Codependency in a person will develop as a self-preservation response to trauma, in a family system that is dysfunctional.
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Old 04-27-2019, 03:25 PM #9
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Thanks. Healthy family systems don't create codependency in their members. It just doesn't work that way. Codependency in a person will develop as a self-preservation response to trauma, in a family system that is dysfunctional.

But my family isn't dysfunctional in any way that I can tell. Everyone has good relationships with each other. Even if I examine things with a overly critical eye, I could maybe come up with a few things at a stretch, but that's just being pedantic.
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Old 04-27-2019, 07:47 PM #10
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Default Re: Codependent but no family of origin issues.

What are your co-dependency traits?
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