Easiest way to forget an ex?

It’s still raw...it’s like I know he was bad for me and really just a bad person inside and out, so why it is like a drug? I don’t need him yet I find myself thinking of him..I have to stay no contact but if he is bad it should be easy right?

Wrong 😐

The easiest way is to jump right back on that horse and start dating yet another jerk. You’ll soon be over jerk one, while dealing with jerk two. But don’t do that.

The best way is to take you time and work with your therapist to stop inhaling and regurgitating jerks.

I know this feeling. Even with a toxic person it is hard to let go.

I had a very hard time shaking my most toxic ex's from my thoughts, long after we had broken up. I figured out why too. There was something I longed for from them. A sincere apology. Ownership of how poorly they treated me. I wanted to hear, "Oh I am SO sorry I hurt you in so many ways. I didn't mean to, I really cared for you deeply and loved you deeply. I am so very sorry. I was a bad boyfriend to you."

That is what I really wanted to hear and never got.

The truth is with toxic people, they don't take ownership, they don't apologize to you, and they move on seemingly unscathed without you. Wanting an apology from a toxic person is like trying to get blood from a rock!

The other truth is, they don't really know how to love someone.

I've been following your threads, and this man was most toxic for you. The best advice I can give is rather than trying to loosen them from your thoughts, think more so about the red flags and signs you dismissed or ignored while you were with them, trying to make things work. Learn from this and find the lesson from it.

You know this man was bad for you and did not treat you the way you deserved. So why did you let that happen? What is it deep within yourself that believes you don't deserve better? How can you change your own radar detector so that you can detect a toxic person early on and exit from the situation without getting hurt? How can you work on your co-dependency so that you can have a far healthier relationship?

This will be most helpful to you, in the end. Try to shift your focus off of HIM and back onto YOU, your healing process and your recovery process. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

🤔 I’m not gonna do that...I need to attend this codependent meeting also at my therapists advice, but I’m nervous....they have one tonight

Thank you..yes. He was what you call emotionally unavailable so they can detach easily...he’s also an alcoholic and they are incapable of intimate relationships..my therapist confirmed this.

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You’ve dated more than one alcoholic right? And your father was/is one? Now you need to explore why you keep getting attracted to the same type of dysfunctional man, and work on changing your pattern. You want true love and a healthy relationship, right? So work towards learning more about what a healthy relationship looks like, what a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship looks like, and on how to weed through prospects by process of elimination and identifying the red flags early on.

My dad was an alcoholic but none of my other exes were..we might have a drink or two during week but it wasn’t extreme. It wasn’t drinking until you get drunk..it was more like 1-2 drinks while watching tv/eating. My ex it was drinking, watching music videos until you pass our drunk. His mentality was more like 21 not 45! Such a turnoff for me..for that, I would have stayed with my ex!

Mine literally tried to kill me. I have to see him M-TH because of my daughter. I find myself fighting to keep from calling him to hang out on the weekends. I send him away when I get scared. What. Is. Wrong. With. Us?

You must see a man who tried to kill you because of your daughter? Says who?

Is he the father? You need to press charges ASAP and he shouldn’t have unsupervised time with your daughter. If he tries to kill people, he is dangerous. Your daughter isn’t safe with him unsupervised

You want to hang out on the weekend but he previously attempted to murder you? I am not sure I read it right.

Are you safe? How old is your daughter?

After my divorce I was an emotional mess, thought about her 24/7. I read a pretty good self-help book, the most important concept in it was one I remember to this day:

That went a long way in helping me let go of useless hopes and never ending loops.

I was beyond incredulous that she would never cop to the affair, even though I caught her red-handed at a motel with her lover.

Funny thing about expecting " apologies": the person expecting such has an elaborate construct of the hows & whys they are owed the apology. The person "owing" the apology couldn't possibly be aware of the wounded party's complex case supporting their need for the apology.