How to stop being a victim of a narcissist

Maybe should have started a new thread. Congratulations to you newly weds and honeymooners on your pathway to a joined life. sorry if I have become a hijacker here, but my thoughts on this subject needed exploring. Thank you for providing me the space to vent. Moving on ...

You are so right. I noticed my ex-friend posted likes on my Facebook this morning. This is manipulation. I told her I didn't want to email anymore so she goes to Facebook. I also feel that there is a lot of narcissism in our society...and even in the mental health recovery community. For instance, sometimes one can call a Crisis Hotline and the crisis counselor will actually sound angry if their suggestions aren't accepted. That's happened to me. In graduate school (I went back in mid-life) I think about 98% of the professors were out-of-control narcissists. Like they would give you an A- on a paper and spend half a page detailing why a minus was deserved. I used to go nuts! Some of the criticism was constructive but on the whole it was power mongering plain and simple. Higher academia is rife with narcissism.

It's going to take a lot of strength to stay NO CONTACT but I am prepared for the battle.


I agree that sometimes one feels the need to fight fire with fire. Sometimes I pretend I am Sherlock Holmes! I get very cold and calculating. I HAVE to do this to stay out of the emotional muddle created by narcissists. Sherlock Holmes needed a clean mind to solve crimes. We need a clean mind to solve narcissistic crimes.

Are you really narcissistic? The one thing narcissists cannot do...is put themselves in another's shoes. Anyone who comes on Psych Central is trying to feel another's pain so in that way I think there is very little narcissism on this site.

Oh my goodness, NO! Don't even think you are hijacking! Come back! I think this is a cool thread. It is going its own wild way. And it is a big lesson. The greatest weapon against narcissistic abuse is JOY.

I want to keep venting about my ex-friend. She really destroyed my confidence. She sent me soul-destroying emails. So being on Psych Central helps.

Talking about weddings and marriage and babies and vacations is like medicine.

But at the same time, yes, I want people to share their feelings on narcissism.


I already started about four threads on this topic. It is only a matter of time before the moderators step in. I guess I am known for being excessive. They can just arbitrarily delete a thread. So far I think everything here is copacetic. Sometimes talking about narcissistic abuse alone can be very triggering. So I think taking a break and talking about other things is fine. It is...such a triggering thing...narc abuse.

I think narcissism is a such a huge problem it cannot be discussed enough. And covert narcissism is highly confusing. If you visited my ex-friend's facebook page you would think she was this sweet, nice, even cuddle bug sort of lady. Her toxic ways are so well hidden I was confused...

PLEASE COME BACK. I hope no one here feels like they are hijacking this thread one way or another. It is what it is. I hope everyone is getting something out of it. I am.

The narcissists in my life are my mom and one of my sisters. I have almost no contact with my sister and I try to keep contact with my mom to a minimum. I have found the book Daughter Detox to be very helpful in healing from the type of unloving mother that I experienced - she cannot emotionally connect and is a narcissist. Here's some good info from the author of Daughter Detox: 8 Toxic Patterns in Mother-Daughter Relationships | Psychology Today

DechanDawa - I am also in academia (I'm in a graduate program) and I'd say while there is plenty of narcissism in academia, there's also just general dysfunction. I love being intellectually challenged but if the price is emotional stability, the price is too high!

[QUOTE=G lady;6525336]DechanDawa - I am also in academia (I'm in a graduate program) and I'd say while there is plenty of narcissism in academia, there's also just general dysfunction. I love being intellectually challenged but if the price is emotional stability, the price is too high![/QUOTE



General dysfunction? Professors or students? I found my fellow students great. They were hard-working and good team players. However, the professors were dysfunctional...with their rages, humiliating people in public, using class time to overshare about themselves, could not tolerate being wrong, and finally, the worst...sexism. Older professors preying on young female (and male!) students...shall I go on? I think not.

The antidote was students getting together at parties and gossiping ruthlessly about the professors.

All in all graduate school was great...I loved my fellow students and the study and intellectual stimulation. But the professors were def out-of-control narcissists.

(Graduate school was stressful. The first year everyone had meltdowns. The second year a lot of people quit. I was in a three-year program. By the third year the course work was easy...but internships started up the stress. I gained a ton of weight in graduate school because I stopped smoking as a bunch of us became chain smokers. Self care is a must. Graduate school is just stressful...it's the nature of the beast.)

[QUOTE=DechanDawa;6525269][QUOTE=golden_eve;6525256

Ahhhh. Congrats, married lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for sharing this special journey online. It's truly wild of you to do this! But really beautiful. Like you are sending out little postcards from a dream.

I hope at some point you will describe your dress, the ceremony, the food, whatever.

Talking with you has brought back some very fond memories. It is like medicine for the soul.

This morning I noticed my so-called now ex-friend posted "likes" on my Facebook! What the heck??? I didn't unfriend or block her because I don't want to create more drama. I never thought she would have the nerve to just act like nothing happened. She is indeed a confused individual.

But back to us......congratulations, again. I am happy everything went well for you. It sounds like you picked the perfect venue and geographic place. And I am happy about the ganja, too! When we were there (long ago) in Jamaica they weren't selling it. It was more like trading. I think I traded a few tee shirts. We also traded our binoculars for beautiful shells I still have.

Thanks for saying I am cool. Haha. I am eccentric and my own person. I have always been like this...when young and now older haven't changed one iota. I went to school for fine arts so that's my excuse. I actually thought I lost all my creativity in my depressive state...so thank you for reminding me. it's still there I was like Alice in Wonderland falling down the dark rabbit hole of depression. Maybe I have made the journey halfway and am now looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel. That would be very nice. You give me hope, darling girl!

I think "creatives" and "wild ones" have a better chance of recovery from depression, anxiety, and co-dependency. Now that you are married you have a built-in best friend and that's kind of really wonderful. I was married for 20 years. The first ten years were glorious. Truly a blast! So much fun. We had this adorable child born to us and we lived in California and bought a lovely little vintage house with many windows and a big garden and it was like a fairy tale. The next five years were so-so and the last five years were pretty hellish. I wouldn't have traded any of it. It was a wild and lovely journey. I appreciated my ex and didn't want a divorce. But when you truly love someone...if they want to be free...you open your hands and let the butterfly flutter away. Let go in love. Oh, I really didn't do that. I really wanted to kill him but I loved him too much to have bad thoughts. Besides..he gave me a most extraordinary child. So maybe to create this marvelous human being was the purpose of our union. Go into marriage wide-eyed with wonder and without expectations. That way every day is a universal lesson! Every moment is weaving the divine with the ordinary.

You have made me feel brave which I was not feeling so thank you. Thank you for stepping in and sharing all the wonderful-ness around your vacation/wedding/honeymoon! It has been extraordinary.

You are cool, too! I think we are kindred souls.

Keep sharing. Keep caring.

I am still so pissed at my ex-friend. I can feel she is going to want to wheedle her way back into my life since I am a good source of supply for her. Also, I am unpredictable and live an unpredictable life and she gets a rush from that vicariously.

But my happiness matters. You have made me see that. I think it is so wild and crazy you are doing your wedding and honeymoon and at the same time texting away on Psych Central. This has been the best time, sweetie!

Thank you and blessings on your marriage. Make memories. Believe me...they will sustain you in harder times. So make many of them. Go dance barefoot on the beach! [/QUOTE]

Thank you SO much!!!

YES, your happiness matters!!!!!

You have a good head on your shoulders. You know where you've been and what doesn't work for you. You also mentioned a creative side. Nurture it!!! I needed a creative outlet, that's why I developed my blog. Feed your soul, feed your spirit. That's how you heal from abuse and all that narc crap. Feed yourself what your spirit craves the most, and don't hold yourself back.

Narc abuse kind of to me, taints the spirit. It';s almost like we need to cleanse ourselves of the filth in order to heal and move on.....

Don't let your friend weasel her way back in. Just don't. And I don't think you will. You are very strong!!! Stronger than you may think!

I may not be replying to all you said, but I want to help encourage you.

This is a classic behavior of a narcissist. If she cannot cross the boundary line by one method, she will come up with another method.

That's why no contact is the only answer.

I considered blocking her on Facebook but didn't because I don't want to partake in any more drama. I only use Facebook minimally, anyway. Only go on a few times a year.

I can relate. I've gone almost no-contact with a covert narc. I'm sorry I didn't get your case right. I was just sharing perspective from my own experience but I respect that each case is unique.