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#21
Wow,LacunaCoiler,thank you so much.It really touched me and also hurt me to read what you said.It did help me though,for real.
I honestly hadn't thought about it from his perspective and what he must be going through and thinking and feeling.Thank you for sharing that.I'm really sorry for what you've gone through but I do appreciate you sharing it. It pains me on my husband's "bad" days.Those are the days I consider "opposite" day where I know when he says yes he means no ansdeverything he says will be the opposite of what he's really trying to say. I do think inside he feels he's less than a man now.He doesn't say that but I just know it.And as much as I hate to admit it sometimes I feel resentful that he's this way now.He used to be my rock,my safety,my stability and now I just feel so lost alone and scared often.It's scary for me.Thank you for making me think about how he must be feeling. Everything you've said is definitely food for thought.And I do think now that I need to focus on myself for a bit,get the help and support I need and then focus on my relationship.I don't have to make any kind of decision right now like it has felt/seemed.Tbh I'm in no shape to currently anyway. Thanks again. |
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Anonymous44076, FearLess47, LacunaCoiler, Open Eyes
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#22
Hello LacunaCoiler,
thank you for sharing your truth and insight. That cannot be easy. You mentioned some cognitive-linguistic changes but I would like to mention that you are a beautiful writer. I am so sorry that you had a CVA and also struggle with bipolar disorder. I cannot speak for Betty but I found your words very compelling. I imagine that it will help many readers on PC...there are lots of people who read about particular concerns without posting. I hope it will comfort you to know that your candid truth is bringing solace to others. And I am very glad to hear that specialists continue to help you in the ways you need. Your point is well made about how brain damage affects different people. I did not mean to suggest that frontal lobe damage is the only cause of problems. Nor am I here to diagnose anyone of course. I just mentioned frontal lobe impairment as one example to highlight how things can really go awry neurologically and lead to some dramatic behavioral changes which the survivor would never desire or choose. Two people could even survive a similar type of CVA and still present quite differently so a case by case analysis from specialists, as you suggested, is very important. Every brain is complex and unique. It was very kind and brave of you to share your perspective with Betty. Your recommendation of the support group is wonderful. I wish you and your wife peace, hope, and a bright future. Take good care of yourself LacunaCoiler. Last edited by Anonymous44076; May 11, 2019 at 04:42 PM.. |
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Betty_Banana, FearLess47, LacunaCoiler
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FearLess47, Open Eyes
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#23
Hi, it may have already been stated but I strongly encourage you to find a support group. There may be ones specific to peers and family support for head injuries. Even a caregivers support group might help. So too I think a Mood disorders group which would help with the anxiety and depression. I wish you so much luck. I have seen personally a loved one become the cruelest most foulest person I have ever known owing to sudden onset of dementia and how the fall-out affected everyone.
Look, you absolutely need to care for yourself. Don't feel wretched for that. Be compassionate to yourself. |
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Betty_Banana
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#24
Thanks.Yes,I do need to care for myself.I feel so mentally and physically exhausted from all of it.
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Anonymous44076, FearLess47
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#25
I think other posters have posted some good advice here Betty. It would be helpful for you if you reach out for help so you don't feel so alone with this challenge. You have reached out here so you are on the right path as even this thread has been helpful to you right?
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Anonymous44076
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Betty_Banana
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#26
Thanks Open Eyes.Yes,this thread has been helpful.It felt like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders just by actually talking about it.
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Anonymous44076, FearLess47, Open Eyes
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Open Eyes
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#27
Quote:
Do you have your own bank account. If you do not, I recommend getting some money together and opening one. When I was on disability, a bank was offering a $300 bonus if you opened an account and had your direct deposit go there. It is good to have an account in your own name with some emergency savings, especially when your partner is unable to handle money. You are a good person for having so much compassion for your husband and it is a shame he is not being cooperative about getting help. It is a tragedy when people "go crazy" and an even greater tragedy when they don't see it. I am sorry it turned out like this. I do recommend therapy for you to figure out something you can do in life to go on and give you joy. It could be something you do for yourself while staying with him or it is understandable if you eventually need to leave. Just take it one day at a time trying to balance what you logically need with what your heart tells you you must do. It is tough when our family is not well. Hugs. |
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Betty_Banana
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#28
No I don't have my own bank account but it is something I had already been thinking is a good idea.
Thank you for responding. |
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Anonymous55879, Open Eyes
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#29
I think my husband is at least considering the idea that he may actually be having some problems he hasn't been aware of.
There's a long story that goes along with the reason I say that but I won't go into it.It hurts me to even think about it tbh because I completely over -reacted and lashed out at him.Afterwards I had decided enough is enough,I can't do this anymore, and had a long talk with him.I explained that I loved him but all of this is destroying me mentally physically and spiritually and I need time away from him.I had decided the best thing was for us to live apart for awhile. It was heart wrenching for him to keep asking me why and what he has done wrong and to try to get him to understand. I dont think he really understands tbh.But I do believe he's considering it because I've seen him looking up some things on his phone. I guess I will see how things go.Right now I'm just trying to stay focused on myself and my own health and sanity.And I don't plan on leaving any time soon. |
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Anonymous44076, FearLess47, healingme4me, Open Eyes
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#30
Thanks for the update BettyBanana. I continue to wish you and your husband peace. And I understand that peace means different choices for different people.
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#31
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Anonymous44076
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#32
I seriously can't do this anymore. I'm not sure how much is his health issues or he's just an asshole.
He got mad at me a couple of weeks ago and went and took all the money out of the bank again. He also got mad at me because a man was looking at me,checking me out.He said I had "glanced" at the guy and invited him to stare at me,that the glance was luring him and meant I was interested. He threw something at me.Called me horrible names and became violent. I'm backing away from him and this relationship. I'm moving into another bedroom,I'm going to get a job,start my own bank account,save my money and then leave him and divorce him. It doesn't really matter whether it's his health issues or not,I don't deserve to live this way or be treated this way.And since he's still refusing to get help or take his medication I don't feel a bit fkn guilty right now. |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous44076, Mopey, Open Eyes
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Mopey
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#33
Good for you. No one deserves that kind of treatment, no matter what is going on. Good you're drawing the line and boundary of what's entirely unacceptable to you. And it's great you have a plan! I'm very sorry you've had to endure this. Please do take good care of yourself. You don't need to be in a violent situation. Please be safe and keep your distance as much as possible.
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Betty_Banana
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#34
I am sorry to hear you are going through this, and twice as sorry for your husband that it I happening to. My older friend is in the moderate stages of dementia and also has heart troubles. He often exhibits the same behaviors you have described. You have my sympathy....
__________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. |
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Betty_Banana
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#35
Betty - so sorry....
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Betty_Banana
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#36
And the next time he gets violent with me I'm calling the police.Why should I overlook it? He won't go back to his neurologist,won't take his medication, treats me like **** and expects me to let it all go.
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous44076, Mopey, Open Eyes
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#37
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Betty_Banana
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#38
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Betty_Banana
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#39
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Betty_Banana
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#40
I'm calm and ok now.I feel stupid for writing all the stuff I did about a divorce.I was just sooo extremely upset,frustrated and burned out.
It was a good thing though because I did get so upset that I told him my plans and even slept in a different bedroom.And guess what? He actually called and made a doctor appointment himself.He doesn't go for a few weeks but holy cow I'm happy about it. |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous44076, Open Eyes, unaluna
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