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Default May 11, 2019 at 10:23 PM
  #1
Hey, everyone.

Earlier this year I broke off from a 2.5 year relationship. For much of that time I really don’t know if I was even that attracted to my ex but kept thinking that “things will work out.” But he was depressed, I have anxiety, it was not a good mix. Plus, I he was not my type, physically, and I’ve been struggling with the fact that I basically forced myself to try to love someone for sooo longgg.

Anyways, in the time leading up to our breakup I was so ready to be single. To meet new people, date around (I’ve only ever dated two people in my entire life), you know?

And then just last week I met someone that I now have a crush on, but it’s complicated because I don’t know if the feeling is mutual, we met at a conference and live across the country from each other... he indicated he wanted go to a concert with me (more specifically, a concert where I live), but I’m not sure if I should interpret it as flirting. But since I’ve been out of the dating game for years, so who knows? I keep regretting not flirting more with him, but at the same time it might not be worth pursuing since he’s so far away :/.

I’m also worried that I fell for him too hard because my last relationship was so... unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and honestly depressing. During that time I got depressed, I forgot how to enjoy life. Being around someone who made me feel like myself was a huge mood booster, even if it was only for a few days. But I’m trying to be realistic. As I mentioned I was excited about being single and I want to take advantage of it and not just suddenly commit myself to this guy.

Anyways, I’m just feeling lonely and confused. I keep bugging my friends about this so I figured I’d come to PC for some support instead . I know a lot of this it just being patient but damn, it’s hard!!

I’m trying to keep this Steinbeck quote my friend shared with me:

“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
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Default May 12, 2019 at 08:58 AM
  #2
You are right:

Quote:
I know a lot of this it just being patient but damn, it’s hard!!


Also very true:

Quote:
The main thing is not to hurry.
Easier said than done.

Here is a chance though to do some stuff that you wanted to do but weren’t doing for the past 2.5 years! What might those things be? How can you get started?
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Default May 12, 2019 at 10:24 PM
  #3
I'd love to get some kind of online portfolio/store going for my art. People always tell me I should sell my stuff, so I'm making some honest attempts to do so.

I also wanna go into the city more. I live so close to one of the greatest cities in the country and there's so many places: museums, restaurants, concerts, etc. that I still haven't been to.

I also thought it'd be fun to go to small shows in the area. See live music and maybe meet new people (hey, if they like the same music as I do, that's a good sign).

And I wanna get more into movies! Go see new ones, catch up on some classics. I'm open to suggestions!
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Default May 17, 2019 at 04:41 PM
  #4
If you have the funds to fly across country to go visit him for the weekend, so that you can also check out his city and see if you'd even want to move there for a change (I don't know your work situation), you should go for it. Life is too short.

Normally, I am a naysayer with rebounds b/c of my own personal bad experience being the rebound for a guy who doesn't want to commit to me but just use me as an 'in-between' woman. But if you like this guy and just want to have fun with no plans to commit to anything, then why not see if he's up for a long-distant fling?
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:32 PM
  #5
^ that's basically what I'm thinking.

I reached out to him and we have friendly text conversations . My friend gave me good advice... just invite him as a friend, and if anything happens, it happens. Which will be good for me. I need to just "live in the moment" more and not worry so much about the past/future!

(btw, he fully intends on visiting to join me and some friends for a festival later this summer. *insert girly giggle here* )
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Default May 24, 2019 at 08:59 AM
  #6
Not entirely related, but I'm not sure where else to post an update.

Anyways, I've been really sad and upset the past few days. My ex tried asking me out on a date. I said no, of course, and he was disappointed but OK. However, I confronted him about it a couple days later and said, "hey, I'm over 'us' and have moved on." The next day he tried explaining how much he's changed, that he's not the same person anymore. And then I told him that I don't feel any chemistry between us, to which he said was not true, to which I said he could not say for me. So now I'm pissed he would invalidate my feelings and try to force something I'm clearly not interested in.

I thought we could be friends, but he's just annoying lately. On the bright side, through all of this BS I've learned to stand up for myself. The fact that I called him out and told him he couldn't tell me what to think makes me proud of myself. I'm just upset because I thought he was handling this well, but apparently not. I'm not taking responsibility for his happiness at all, but I just can't help but be angry at him (and I don't angry very easily!!!)
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Default May 24, 2019 at 09:29 AM
  #7
Well done! I’m proud of you too.

He should not be badgering and invalidating you.

Being friends after a break up often just doesn’t work out.

You might want to go no contact.
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Default May 24, 2019 at 09:39 AM
  #8
yeah, I've noticed he's unfollowed me on social media, which is fine. Although part of me worries since he's had thoughts of self-harm, depression, etc. I think that's where part of my anxiety is coming from. Although I'm not the biggest fan of his, I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt out of this.

Anyways, yes, I'm ready to move on! No contact seems like a good way to go. Unfortunately, since we work together, complete avoidance will be rough. But I will persevere
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Default May 24, 2019 at 11:20 AM
  #9
Do you know about emotional blackmail?

It is when someone tries to hurt you emotionally if you don’t do what they want.

It doesn’t have to be conscious.

You are not his therapist or professional mental health support.
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Default May 24, 2019 at 04:27 PM
  #10
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, aimlesshiker! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Definitely try to avoid CONTACT WITH HIM as much as you possibly CAN! Good on you for taking care of YOURSELF FIRST! Since you're not happy with him you're just doing the right thing for BOTH OF YOU by leaving him! Please don't feel guilty about your decision! Just use this time to focus on yourself, ok? If things will go well with that other guy then good for you, but no need to hurry like StreetcarBlanche has already wisely said better than I ever could! Please DO listen to Bill3 about emotional blackmall! You can't "fix" other people! They need to work on THEMSELVES as well! Just take of yourself, ok? THAT'S ALL WE'RE ASKING YOU! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going for you, ok? We DO care about you and we DO want to know how things are going for you! PLEASE LET US KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING AT ALL THAT WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU OUT, OK? Just mention it and we'll DO EVERYTHING WE CAN and TRY TO DO YOUR BEST TO HELP YOU OUT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Sending many hugs to you, aimlesshiker!
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