advertisement
Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous45634
Guest
Anonymous45634 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 14, 2019 at 09:52 PM
  #21
block her. delete the contacts. if you are going to end it, end it. don't play the game to see what she is goin g to do. if the friendship is truly over then just end it. I think that by leaving it half open & checking on it you are doing yourself no favors and are playing right into it just as much as she is...

if you really don't want any contact why would you leave it so you can see contact? who cares what people say, it is none of their business. anyone asks say we are no longer friends, etc. period.

regardless of how long the friendship has been if it is over, it is over. talk the talk, walk the walk...otherwise the drama will continue.
 

advertisement
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2019 at 10:04 PM
  #22
Quote:
Originally Posted by resurgam View Post
block her. delete the contacts. if you are going to end it, end it. don't play the game to see what she is goin g to do. if the friendship is truly over then just end it. I think that by leaving it half open & checking on it you are doing yourself no favors and are playing right into it just as much as she is...

if you really don't want any contact why would you leave it so you can see contact? who cares what people say, it is none of their business. anyone asks say we are no longer friends, etc. period.

regardless of how long the friendship has been if it is over, it is over. talk the talk, walk the walk...otherwise the drama will continue.




I don't agree with this at all. I am not deleting her on Facebook because frankly I rarely use Facebook. I only keep my account up for business purposes. I don't put personal stuff on my timeline. She rarely posts. As a rule I don't block or delete on Facebook. I hate Facebook and rarely even check it.

You can't stop the mail. She can send me stuff in the mail.

This idea of physical NO CONTACT only --- entirely misses the point.

It is more an emotional thing. If you don't put out thought energy to them...they can actually feel that loss of energy.

I am tired of this discussion about what No Contact means. And walk the walk and all that.

And...for the record...it is best to avoid damage from the narcissist.

I once was involved in a romantic relationship that became dangerous and toxic. I used the "grey rock" technique and in worked. I didn't have to change my phone number, get a restraining order, buy a gun etc.

I just went grey rock. I didn't do anything. I was stalked for a bit then finally...it stopped.

So I think that is the best technique. Doing all that crap of deleting contacts etc. is really just playing into the drama.

Okay, yeah, that's what I think.

Also...there is a certain sadness and grief. Playing "tough" with someone and telling them to "walk the walk" is unduly harsh and unneeded. Thanks anyway for your comment and concern.

I think Golden Eve made the best comment...to practice self-care, positivity, and take the spotlight off them and onto my life.

__________________

DechanDawa is offline  
Anonymous45634
Guest
Anonymous45634 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 14, 2019 at 10:23 PM
  #23
you asked for opinions, I gave you mine. it's what you get when you post on an open forum. you don't have to like my opinion but hey it's an option I thought might work. to me if you want to end a friendship and not deal with someone, well then don't deal with them. emotionally, physically, what ever.

I have had friends like this who wouldn't let go...even after I ended the friendship..finally I had to cease all contact. either you want contact and are friends and need to keep contact or you don't want contact and are not friends. emotional energy or not. if we are not friends then I am not worried about their energy.

physical no contact? I assume you want no contact with someone who is not your friend?

please do what ever you want. it's your life and your friend.
 
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2019 at 10:24 PM
  #24
I think Golden Eve's advice is the best advice. Take the spotlight off of them and shine it on our own life.

Because in this dynamic we are actually co-dependent. We have somehow allowed ourselves to become enmeshed.

Blocking contacts and all that stuff...is more drama.

I like Golden Eve's advice...to practice and amp up self-care. She also advocates for happiness as the best medicine. I think this is sound advice as narcissists feed off of drama and negativity.

Getting stronger in our own lives creates immunity from narcissists. I would go as far as to say...when bothered by a narcissist...it is probably because in our own life we don't have enough happiness...and need to create more happiness.

Thanks Golden Eve!

__________________


Last edited by DechanDawa; May 15, 2019 at 12:23 AM..
DechanDawa is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40643
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2019 at 10:39 PM
  #25
Quote:
Originally Posted by resurgam View Post
you asked for opinions, I gave you mine. it's what you get when you post on an open forum. you don't have to like my opinion but hey it's an option I thought might work. to me if you want to end a friendship and not deal with someone, well then don't deal with them. emotionally, physically, what ever.

I have had friends like this who wouldn't let go...even after I ended the friendship..finally I had to cease all contact. either you want contact and are friends and need to keep contact or you don't want contact and are not friends. emotional energy or not. if we are not friends then I am not worried about their energy.

physical no contact? I assume you want no contact with someone who is not your friend?

please do what ever you want. it's your life and your friend.


Psych Central is mainly a forum for positive support. Although you may be sincere in your advice (and you will note I did thank you for your comment) your tone is becoming combative. No need. It sounds like you are upset your advice is not being taken. There is really no "right" or "wrong" here. And for the record...I didn't ask for specific advice. I just put out a thread about something that has been happening to me. I see you are new here. It takes awhile to learn how to lend support. I suggest you read a lot of the other threads to get an idea of how it's done on this forum. It's all about learning how to respectfully disagree, if that arises. Also...I didn't ask for advice. Please take note of that.

__________________


Last edited by DechanDawa; May 15, 2019 at 01:08 AM..
DechanDawa is offline  
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2019 at 10:52 PM
  #26
While it is true I didn't ask for advice...there were several suggestions. I found Golden Eve's suggestion the most helpful.

How can we can wrong to gently remind ourselves to practice self-care? It is really the foundation of mental health recovery. I am glad that Golden Eve pushes it to the forefront.

Another poster did not seem to get what I was saying about not feeding the narcissist with emotional energy. Maybe some people don't believe this...but I do...that there is an energetic psychic bond that needs to be broken.

THE ONLY WAY TO STOP ABUSE...IS POSITIVITY. That also serves to break negative bonds.

I do think that positivity itself creates a cloak of protection. So, yes, I think it is becoming known that I am a big fan of Golden Eve because I think she uses this positive mindset in her own life and it works...and I feel her positive energy on the forum...like balm for my soul.

Plus, she's a newlywed! She's all glowing and peaceful and chill and I love her, guys! The new Mrs. rocks!~

__________________


Last edited by DechanDawa; May 15, 2019 at 01:12 AM..
DechanDawa is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40643
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 15, 2019 at 02:17 AM
  #27
If you went or are going no contact with her this should include social media. Otherwise she will always occupy space in your head and she will know what you are up to. Is there any other reason why you would still stay friends on social media? I ask because a few months ago my son broke up with his GF and she was still sending nasty texts so he blocked her. I asked him why he didnt block her on social media and he said it was because she technically hadnt harassed him via social media yet but in hindsight he realizes he was just too curious about what she was up to and also wanted to put up a good "front" to show her he was moving on with his life. He knew she was reading his stuff and he was reading her stuff so it was sort of a passive way to satisfy his curiosity. He also felt like blocking her on social media was very "final". He has since blocked her but it took him a few months to realize it was for the best.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline  
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 15, 2019 at 03:17 AM
  #28
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
If you went or are going no contact with her this should include social media. Otherwise she will always occupy space in your head and she will know what you are up to. Is there any other reason why you would still stay friends on social media? I ask because a few months ago my son broke up with his GF and she was still sending nasty texts so he blocked her. I asked him why he didnt block her on social media and he said it was because she technically hadnt harassed him via social media yet but in hindsight he realizes he was just too curious about what she was up to and also wanted to put up a good "front" to show her he was moving on with his life. He knew she was reading his stuff and he was reading her stuff so it was sort of a passive way to satisfy his curiosity. He also felt like blocking her on social media was very "final". He has since blocked her but it took him a few months to realize it was for the best.




There are no "shoulds" or right or wrong ways to do NO CONTACT. Some people do it gradually. My son broke up with his girlfriend and didn't delete her or her family from Facebook for months...for the simple reason he rarely went on Facebook. In fact I think he just closed his account as he hated Facebook anyway.

I am not going on Facebook looking up this person's timeline for the simple reason she rarely posts. As I said before on this thread...I don't post personal stuff. I post about issues I am interested in. I don't care whether or not she reads my stuff.

I really don't think people understand narcissism and detaching from the narcissist. If it was a simple as No Contact...it would be a no brainer.

The way people are describing it...they are describing more drama. Do this. Do that. Don't do this. Don't do that.

As well, you are not even posting here about your personal experience but about someone else's experience.

__________________

DechanDawa is offline  
DechanDawa
Grand Magnate
DechanDawa LEAVING
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 yr Member
1,043 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 15, 2019 at 03:22 AM
  #29
I am going to request that this thread be closed. The reason is that I think enough has been said on this subject...and I am tired of people thinking NO CONTACT is all that is needed to detach from a covert narcissist. I personally don't think unfriending them on Facebook is the most important thing.

The narcissist always HOOVERS back and they will find a way...and it isn't necessarily Facebook or social media.

This is really about getting better...and getting healthier.

Golden Eve has the right idea. If we keep the spotlight on our own life...and off the narcissist...we will heal.

I don't think blocking or deleting the covert narcissist on social media is going to keep her not in my mind.

If I am emotionally detached...I won't care...even if her picture is on a billboard on the highway!

A few people here get it. And to those few who know who they are...thank you, again. Most comments are a bit clueless so I am going to ask that this thread be closed.

__________________

DechanDawa is offline  
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:19 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.