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Macd123
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Default May 13, 2019 at 01:04 PM
  #1
So I keep hearing/reading that loneliness and social isolation kills you - worse than smoking or being overweight. Okay fine but I think I don’t have much longer because I’ve been a loner for a long time. I guess it’s a little frustrating because I don’t have a lot of control over this..... ((((
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Default May 13, 2019 at 01:25 PM
  #2
Could somebody move this - wrong category
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Default May 13, 2019 at 01:38 PM
  #3
Social isolation for me is not a problem. The problem is when I don't have any support from anybody. I am blessed to have a family although they are extremely dysfunctional. Sometimes having somebody near by and supporting you emotionally and mentally is a lifesaver. I am not lonely but don't have any friends. I did not choose my situation but because I keep becoming psychotic every few years, it has been hard to make friends. Thus, this time I'm receiving shots and am hoping I will not become psychotic for awhile. I don't really need friends who expect me to accommodate them anyways. I see friendship as a two-way street and realize I don't have anything to offer and don't want to be bothered. However, I need my family. My family, especially my mother, has been my anchor and has always helped me through my difficult times. Ironically, she is also ill but does not want to take any medication for her ups and downs. I guess what I'm trying to say is that loneliness is what you make of it. I am isolated too socially. But, I choose to be this way and am happy. I had acquaintances and even was married once. But, in retrospect, I was not happy with my relationships with these people. I am better off alone and am not lonely. I work occasionally and sometimes talk to others. But, I don't see these type of work-related situations as social events. I think I'm a true loner. I'm healthy otherwise physically. I walk when time permits and try to keep physically active. I don't see social isolation as a killer but as a choice. It is a choice I enjoy because I feel really comfortable just doing things on my own when I want. Thus, loneliness is not as bad as you think.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 01:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Macd123 View Post
So I keep hearing/reading that loneliness and social isolation kills you - worse than smoking or being overweight. Okay fine but I think I don’t have much longer because I’ve been a loner for a long time. I guess it’s a little frustrating because I don’t have a lot of control over this..... ((((
Hello Macd. Sorry you are struggling. While I understand the need for research on such topics I sometimes question the value of professionals sharing such alarming correlations. So then if a person is chronically lonely, not only do they have the pain of loneliness but a new fear of physical health problems or premature death. Yikes! Not helpful. I have struggled with loneliness much of my life though I am not always socially isolated if that makes sense.

I do believe there are things we can do about loneliness but I don't want to give you unsolicited advice. Sounds like you are hoping more for someone to listen. I hear you. You have my support.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 03:25 PM
  #5
Yeah I’m just getting really old and haven’t any success in keeping people in my life - haven’t really tried much either (my fault....). I dealt with drugs and then social anxiety - it’s been a long road with not much progress. People jump on me for lack of effort - guess they’re right but it doesn’t alleviate the situation... anyway I’ve been living in regretville recently.... it’s really horrible and always paralyzes me... can’t really get things going when I’m drowning in the past...... well okay then and thanks....oh yeah I know aloneness is not good for your health..... oh well
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Default May 13, 2019 at 04:13 PM
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Yeah I’m just getting really old and haven’t any success in keeping people in my life - haven’t really tried much either (my fault....). I dealt with drugs and then social anxiety - it’s been a long road with not much progress. People jump on me for lack of effort - guess they’re right but it doesn’t alleviate the situation... anyway I’ve been living in regretville recently.... it’s really horrible and always paralyzes me... can’t really get things going when I’m drowning in the past...... well okay then and thanks....oh yeah I know aloneness is not good for your health..... oh well
I hope you can spend some time away from Regretville. Do something nice for yourself in Presentville, just because.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 09:22 PM
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I hope you can spend some time away from Regretville. Do something nice for yourself in Presentville, just because.
this is very important! It's easy to judge yourself based on the past, but what matters is who you are now. And the person you are now deserves to be happy. It can be easy to let those thoughts get to your head. You call yourself a "loner" but that doesn't have to define you .

I'm sorry you're going through these feelings, macd. And it's hard to change feelings of loneliness when you are, in fact, alone. (That's why I logged onto PC forums today...)

I think it would be good to come up with strategies for how to deal with loneliness. Even people with tons of friends get lonely... sometimes all your friends are busy, out of town, etc. I usually watch Netflix/Hulu, but there's gotta be healthier methods.

And hey, if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, feel free to PM me!
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Default May 14, 2019 at 02:06 AM
  #8
Thanks everyone
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Default May 14, 2019 at 11:49 AM
  #9
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Yeah I’m just getting really old and haven’t any success in keeping people in my life - haven’t really tried much either (my fault....). I dealt with drugs and then social anxiety - it’s been a long road with not much progress. People jump on me for lack of effort - guess they’re right but it doesn’t alleviate the situation... anyway I’ve been living in regretville recently.... it’s really horrible and always paralyzes me... can’t really get things going when I’m drowning in the past...... well okay then and thanks....oh yeah I know aloneness is not good for your health..... oh well
I think you do put in effort, but with an inappropriate age group. You talk about being "really old" but in the past I've seen you specifically seeking out friendships and/or relationships with people decades younger than you.

You are not setting yourself up for a long-term friend by choosing that age group. The next time you're in a coffee shop, try to have a chat with someone in your age group and see what happens. Look on meetup.com in your area for a meetup that involves something interesting to you, like travel.

Pursuing women in the age group you are currently targeting is only going to result in further lack of success in a long-term friendship or relationship.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 12:17 PM
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So I keep hearing/reading that loneliness and social isolation kills you - worse than smoking or being overweight. Okay fine but I think I donÂ’t have much longer because IÂ’ve been a loner for a long time. I guess itÂ’s a little frustrating because I donÂ’t have a lot of control over this..... ((((
Don't read those articles / books. They will just scare you. Science is not always correct and sometimes they get it wrong. We are always learning in science and in our society. Remember when we thought smoking was good for us? Remember when eating fat was bad and sugar was good? Remember when a woman's place was in the kitchen? For a long time we thought Pluto was a planet. The theory of relativity may not be correct (you physicist can weigh in, I'm not one). We now think dinosaurs had feathers and weren't like lizards. Psychologists used to think that the brain was a separate entity from the body. We now know there's a body / mind connection. And remember when we thought ulcers were caused by stress? They're caused by bacteria and the people who proved it won a nobel prize. Screw what you read and hear about loneliness and death. Yes though, loneliness really really sucks. Go out and make some connections if that's what you want. Join a club, a gym, take a class, explore an interest you have with others, try a meet up group. Keep going back. That's how you make friends. And if you like being a loner as well, nothing wrong with that. Don't force yourself to be someone you're not. Good luck
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Default May 14, 2019 at 12:22 PM
  #11
Volunteer. Is there a VA near you? Dont you have computer skills? Look on volunteer.org
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Heart May 14, 2019 at 01:27 PM
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Don't read those articles / books. They will just scare you. Science is not always correct and sometimes they get it wrong. We are always learning in science and in our society. Remember when we thought smoking was good for us? Remember when eating fat was bad and sugar was good? Remember when a woman's place was in the kitchen? For a long time we thought Pluto was a planet. The theory of relativity may not be correct (you physicist can weigh in, I'm not one). We now think dinosaurs had feathers and weren't like lizards. Psychologists used to think that the brain was a separate entity from the body. We now know there's a body / mind connection. And remember when we thought ulcers were caused by stress? They're caused by bacteria and the people who proved it won a nobel prize. Screw what you read and hear about loneliness and death. Yes though, loneliness really really sucks. Go out and make some connections if that's what you want. Join a club, a gym, take a class, explore an interest you have with others, try a meet up group. Keep going back. That's how you make friends. And if you like being a loner as well, nothing wrong with that. Don't force yourself to be someone you're not. Good luck
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