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Anonymous44539
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Default May 14, 2019 at 04:27 AM
  #1
Please forgive me here if this is a long read, or if I seem a little out of sorts (not that anyone really knows me on this site, but still) here.

I'm writing this in an almost desperate act/ attempt at finding anyone out there who can relate, or knows how to interact/ talk with someone with issues/ conditions such as (listed below).

Along with dealing with things like working a full time job, trying to have a relationship (unsuccessfully), even dealing with something as simple as going to the store for food and supplies. All while continuing to struggle through one day to the next, feeling like you don't belong, you don't matter, that or no one wants you around. Feeling as if you're nothing but a burden on those around you/ in your life, that or nothing but a nuisance

  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Bipolar 1 (w/ Rapid/ or Ultradian cycling, along with psychotic tendencies)
  • Complex-PSTD (never served, or seen hand-to-hand combat, yet you'd have to hear my story to understand why I was dx'd with this, if interested in knowing)
  • Dissociate Disorder
  • Chronic Depression
  • Agoraphobia
  • Social Anxiety
  • Chronic Insomnia


Not to bore anyone with too much tmi here, yet I've never found anyone who can really relate, or for that matter knows how to interact/ talk with someone with such issues as mine.

We all have our own story's to tell, this is true, yet I spend a great deal of time isolated and alone (given how my issues effect my life on any given day), yet I've found it extremely difficult to open up to those who don't understand these conditions.

I spend far more time with no one to talk/ turn to, where the deafening silence of these four walls becomes too much to deal with, along with racing thoughts/ scenario's which continually play out in my head once something effects me when it comes to my conditions.

Its more like, once triggered, the anger slowly morphs into sadness and despair, the despair later turns into deep depression and self loathing, and before too long, I'm altogether wishing bad things and can't find any comfort from anyone, only able to find solace in sleep. In the hopes tomorrow will be a new day, and with that, new possibilities other then what's already been on my plate, if any of that makes any sense?
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Iloivar
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Member Since: Sep 2018
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Default May 16, 2019 at 10:16 AM
  #2
Hello. Unfortunately I can't say I can relate or know how to interact with the issues you've listed. The rest of my post will just be me asking questions, few suggestions and an opinion. You're free to ignore it since it's not exactly what you asked for.

Have you tried seeking proffesional help? If yes, and it hasn't worked out in the past. I'd say, keep trying. I don't have personal experience, but many who do with seeking prof help say that sometimes it's about finding the right proffesional.

I can see for myself, why i wouldn't open up to those who don't understand. So perhaps if you haven't already, just keep on sharing your story on forums and sites until you eventually find someone that can relate. I'd also personally use the copy and paste function. Something else that could be done, if you haven't already, is to address each issue you listed individually. So perhaps finding a community, forum, etc specializing or centered around BPD, then Complex PTSD and so forth.

Laslty, i don't know if those around you have made you feel like your a burden to them, or if you simply feel like a burden regardless. But the people that end up staying your life. Who knows, they might feel that way. Or they might not see it like that. But they made a choice to stick around because of you. For whatever that's worth.

And of course, if you're ever feeling that way when you post online. Remember that the people that respond to help, choose to do so.
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