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johndasdjkas
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Confused May 19, 2019 at 03:12 AM
  #1
so… my son and his girlfriend are both sophomores in high school. they’ve been dating for over six months and their relationship is mostly over text since they don’t see each other much outside of school. the past few months for him have been… different. there was this one time after his girlfriend told her about a fight between her and her sister, she was like “we tell eachother everything right.” he ended up telling her about this time his aunt asked if they close the door when he goes to her house. they do, and he ended up telling that to his aunt instead of lying. then he started to… overthink telling her everything. it wasn’t too bad at first, there’d be things to tell her like the jellybeans she got for him spilling or things about who he used to be. but then it got worse and worse, and whenever there was something he needed to tell her it’d literally affect his state of mind. he’d feel… less present, and the thing would stick in his mind even when he wasn’t necessarily thinking about it. whether it was a time he said something without really thinking about it, or a time he questioned one of her actions, he started having things to tell her about that would get stuck to his mind. it’d get worse and worse and his days would be filled with things he felt like he needed to tell her. he’d write paragraph messages including things that had been on his mind, and he… started to have intrusive thoughts. like someone else being prettier than his girlfriend. or he’d have weird thoughts about her skin tone. they’d fight and make up, but the whole overthinking situation wasn’t resolved. he somehow found more things to overthink about, whether they were things to tell her or thoughts he had, and it just kept getting worse. his life wasn’t the same and his days were filled with unsettledness and things being on his mind and feeling like he was hiding things. it would get in the way of their time together; he wouldn’t feel present and his mind would feel emptier. it was to the point where he wasn’t sure he even liked her anymore. he got over that and he told his girlfriend about it, but it was a bit too late. he had hidden it for too long. she trusted him again, but he’d constantly have things to tell her about and he’d even hurt her with intrusive thoughts or things like hoping she would sleep because he wasn’t in a good state and didn’t feel like talking as much. it got… worse and worse. he realized that he didn’t feel like he was living life in the moment, and he felt different. all the time. he felt emptier and less human and his days would be filled with overthinking, or different things on his mind. he literally felt different and at times he even felt like vomiting from overthinking. he started to overthink about his girlfriend. he’d have thoughts about her and they’d get in the way of realizing how much he loved her. he didn’t express his love for her as much because he didn’t feel the same, and it’s like overthinking got him way out of focus. it got bad to the point where he questioned whether he was depressed. he’d have happy moments with his girlfriend, but the overthinking got worse and worse and worse and now… they fight every week. he’s not as good at expressing his love for her or treating her well and he doesn’t always do things to get himself together and out of the whole overthinking ideal. not that he never did anything to try to help himself. but things have been really different for him and his girlfriend. he’s put her through a lot and she still stuck by him, but he’s just hurt her waaaay too much. he doesn’t treat her very well and it doesn’t help that he’s in a horrible state. his girlfriend has done many things to try to help him but he’s still stuck in this situation. things don’t feel as real to him. he’s not himself and he’s more disconnected from his life. he feels more numb and he needs to cry in order to feel more human. he vomits when the overthinking gets too bad. it’s not as easy to mean things or show love when he can’t feel things as much, and he’s not connected to himself or his life like he used to be. he’s tried writing down his thoughts and writing conclusions, and praying, and talking to himself. but nothing has gotten him out of the situation. things that he literally doesn’t need to tell his girlfriend pop into his mind everyday. his brain never feels resolved or 100% relaxed. his mind isn’t always clear regarding his girlfriend even though she’s been the same person, and sometimes he can’t say things like “i’m in love with you” because of his state. he feels different all the time. his mind isn't focused of filled with the right thoughts, and it's gotten worse throughout the past months. his memory isn't as good nowadays, and neither is his attention span. he's not in the moment, and time seems to go by faster for him. what should he do?
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Iloivar
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Default May 19, 2019 at 11:37 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by johndasdjkas View Post
so… my son and his girlfriend are both sophomores in high school. they’ve been dating for over six months and their relationship is mostly over text since they don’t see each other much outside of school. the past few months for him have been… different. there was this one time after his girlfriend told her about a fight between her and her sister, she was like “we tell eachother everything right.” he ended up telling her about this time his aunt asked if they close the door when he goes to her house. they do, and he ended up telling that to his aunt instead of lying. then he started to… overthink telling her everything. it wasn’t too bad at first, there’d be things to tell her like the jellybeans she got for him spilling or things about who he used to be. but then it got worse and worse, and whenever there was something he needed to tell her it’d literally affect his state of mind. he’d feel… less present, and the thing would stick in his mind even when he wasn’t necessarily thinking about it. whether it was a time he said something without really thinking about it, or a time he questioned one of her actions, he started having things to tell her about that would get stuck to his mind. it’d get worse and worse and his days would be filled with things he felt like he needed to tell her. he’d write paragraph messages including things that had been on his mind, and he… started to have intrusive thoughts. like someone else being prettier than his girlfriend. or he’d have weird thoughts about her skin tone. they’d fight and make up, but the whole overthinking situation wasn’t resolved. he somehow found more things to overthink about, whether they were things to tell her or thoughts he had, and it just kept getting worse. his life wasn’t the same and his days were filled with unsettledness and things being on his mind and feeling like he was hiding things. it would get in the way of their time together; he wouldn’t feel present and his mind would feel emptier. it was to the point where he wasn’t sure he even liked her anymore. he got over that and he told his girlfriend about it, but it was a bit too late. he had hidden it for too long. she trusted him again, but he’d constantly have things to tell her about and he’d even hurt her with intrusive thoughts or things like hoping she would sleep because he wasn’t in a good state and didn’t feel like talking as much. it got… worse and worse. he realized that he didn’t feel like he was living life in the moment, and he felt different. all the time. he felt emptier and less human and his days would be filled with overthinking, or different things on his mind. he literally felt different and at times he even felt like vomiting from overthinking. he started to overthink about his girlfriend. he’d have thoughts about her and they’d get in the way of realizing how much he loved her. he didn’t express his love for her as much because he didn’t feel the same, and it’s like overthinking got him way out of focus. it got bad to the point where he questioned whether he was depressed. he’d have happy moments with his girlfriend, but the overthinking got worse and worse and worse and now… they fight every week. he’s not as good at expressing his love for her or treating her well and he doesn’t always do things to get himself together and out of the whole overthinking ideal. not that he never did anything to try to help himself. but things have been really different for him and his girlfriend. he’s put her through a lot and she still stuck by him, but he’s just hurt her waaaay too much. he doesn’t treat her very well and it doesn’t help that he’s in a horrible state. his girlfriend has done many things to try to help him but he’s still stuck in this situation. things don’t feel as real to him. he’s not himself and he’s more disconnected from his life. he feels more numb and he needs to cry in order to feel more human. he vomits when the overthinking gets too bad. it’s not as easy to mean things or show love when he can’t feel things as much, and he’s not connected to himself or his life like he used to be. he’s tried writing down his thoughts and writing conclusions, and praying, and talking to himself. but nothing has gotten him out of the situation. things that he literally doesn’t need to tell his girlfriend pop into his mind everyday. his brain never feels resolved or 100% relaxed. his mind isn’t always clear regarding his girlfriend even though she’s been the same person, and sometimes he can’t say things like “i’m in love with you” because of his state. he feels different all the time. his mind isn't focused of filled with the right thoughts, and it's gotten worse throughout the past months. his memory isn't as good nowadays, and neither is his attention span. he's not in the moment, and time seems to go by faster for him. what should he do?


It sounds like he's genuinely trying to get better but is unable to for some reason. The solutions he tried, did he do them consistently and for a long time? Either way, it sounds like seeing a proffesional would benefit him greatly. They could come up with new alternatives, or work with him through the "how" to improve.

Im curious, did he have mental health issues before all of this? It seems an extreme reaction to what she said. Perhaps he already had some mental health issues for which this behaviour is merely a symptom of?
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:19 PM
  #3
I'm so sorry you and your son are BOTH going through ALL of this, johndasdjkas! I completely agree with what lloivar has already wisely said better than I ever could! Please DO consider making him seek a professional! Does he see a therapist? Maybe that could help! He could learn new things and new ways to copre with his feelings! I DO feel like it may be necessary if things keep going like this for him! I hope you'll BOTH be able to get the help you need and I hope things will get better soon for him and for you! PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF YOU WANT TO! We DO want to know how things are going for you and your son and if things are getting ANY BETTER and if there's ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do BOTH HELP YOU OUT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE LET US KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING AT ALL THAT WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU OUT AND PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF YOU WANT TO! I'm so sorry you and your son BOTH have to go through ALL OF THIS, johndasdjkas!
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johndasdjkas
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Frown Jun 14, 2019 at 02:17 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iloivar View Post
It sounds like he's genuinely trying to get better but is unable to for some reason. The solutions he tried, did he do them consistently and for a long time? Either way, it sounds like seeing a proffesional would benefit him greatly. They could come up with new alternatives, or work with him through the "how" to improve.

Im curious, did he have mental health issues before all of this? It seems an extreme reaction to what she said. Perhaps he already had some mental health issues for which this behaviour is merely a symptom of?
no, he didn't have mental health issues before this--at least, not that i know of. he's only found temporary solutions but i will try to get him to do things more consistently.

i'm afraid i don't know if i'll be able to get him to see a professional. we live on this island near Guam called Tinian , and i just don't know if anyone here can provide the help he needs.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 02:18 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you and your son are BOTH going through ALL of this, johndasdjkas! I completely agree with what lloivar has already wisely said better than I ever could! Please DO consider making him seek a professional! Does he see a therapist? Maybe that could help! He could learn new things and new ways to copre with his feelings! I DO feel like it may be necessary if things keep going like this for him! I hope you'll BOTH be able to get the help you need and I hope things will get better soon for him and for you! PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF YOU WANT TO! We DO want to know how things are going for you and your son and if things are getting ANY BETTER and if there's ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do BOTH HELP YOU OUT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE LET US KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING AT ALL THAT WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU OUT AND PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF YOU WANT TO! I'm so sorry you and your son BOTH have to go through ALL OF THIS, johndasdjkas!
thank you. he's still going through it and it's even gotten worse, but there's still hope.
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