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View Poll Results: How should I best address my shortcomings
Address social media-- removing accounts 2 50.00%
Address social media-- removing accounts
2 50.00%
Address my weakness-- become more secure 2 50.00%
Address my weakness-- become more secure
2 50.00%
Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

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NotSoKnowitall
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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:18 PM
  #1
My wife and I have been married 7yrs. In times of inadequacy I seek affirmation on dating apps.

I before have written this off as male desires for "more" but an online agent helped me realize that I act this way when feeling small.

My mother, though active in my life, didn't show much affection nor interest in me as a youth and I fear that my failure to address my weaknesses has led to my wife being bruised.

My wife is fed up with my reaching out for attention. Recently finding month old messages, she is on the verge of leaving.

I have never before explored my insecurities in this way and I just hope speaking with a professional would help better define these things so that my wife no longer has to deal with disappointment.

Any ideas how to navigate the lows of feeling insignificant to avoid seeking affirmation in unclean ways?
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Default May 19, 2019 at 09:10 PM
  #2
What type of affirmation do you seek from other women? Verbal? Visual? Physical? Emotional?

I recommend talking to an experienced therapist about this need. it comes across to me in your post as possibly a compulsion or addiction....does that sound accurate? I think you would benefit from professional support.

"Male desires for more" are fine provided that the male in question did not promise to be faithful to a monogamous partner as in marriage.

Finding other ways to deal with feelings of inadequacy will likely take time and guidance. I don't think that can be resolved quickly or simply.

Have you and your wife tried sharing with a marriage counselor?

I wish you and your wife peace and hope. Your present does not have to be your future.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 01:13 AM
  #3
When you say times of inadequacy do you mean her or you?

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Default May 20, 2019 at 06:55 AM
  #4
You should do both imo: remove your accounts and address your weakness and insecurity in therapy. Good luck.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 07:27 AM
  #5
I am sorry your marriage is struggling with this. I recommend a therapist for you and for your marriage.

You said, ‘times of inadequacy’. What does that mean? It seems that feeling is what drives you. Are you looking for affirmation from women online in order to feel desirable? Are you flirting, sexting, meeting them and being physical? How far do you take it? Not that I am saying any of that would be acceptable to your wife, but perhaps the degree that you have taken it to will make a difference in being able to save your marriage.

Also, what does this have to do with ‘mommy issues’ as your title says?

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Default May 20, 2019 at 08:22 AM
  #6
I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much, NotSoKnowitall! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! I completely agree with them that you should be reaching to a professional as soon as you can to discuss these issues that you're experiencing! I'd suggest to talk to a therapist about ALL of this and see how it goes from there! Hopefully you'll be able to work through ALL OF THIS! I hope you'll be able to save your marriage! Just let your wife know that you're trying YOUR BEST to get better and to solve this problem and that you DO WANT to GET BETTER! I'm sure she'll understand if you just talk to her about ALL OF THIS and see how it goes from there! .throb: Wish you GOOD LUCK with your JOURNEY! Let us know how things are going for you! We DO want to know how things are going for you and if things are getting ANY BETTER for you and your wife and if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do to BOTH HELP YOU! JUST LET US KNOW, OK? WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU HERE! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH YOU AND YOUR WIFE, NotSoKnowitall!
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Default May 20, 2019 at 11:16 AM
  #7
Delete your social media accounts and seek therapy/counselling. Be honest with your wife and yourself
Best wishes!
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Default May 20, 2019 at 12:10 PM
  #8
are you married to her & in it for all it's worth or are seeking attention from others on line "during times of inadequacy" .? what type of attention? and what is the next step? are you going to take steps to meet someone to help with those feelings?

if I was your wife that would piss me off .

time to make a decision...either you are married to her and take it for all it is worth, or delete the accounts, get I to therapy & fight to save your marriage..because if you didn't i'd be walking out the door and you could keep those accts for all it's worth.

what is more important to you?
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