Insults being thrown

Also to be clear: we met online and not through my blog. Only after some amount of conversations about life did I share with her my blog. Probably important to know.

I don't think anyone here wants to invalidate your feeling pissed off that this woman assumed you owed her a life coaching session, because of the content of your blog. She assumed something that wasn't true. She expected you to offer her free advice, which is not what your blog is about anyway. I totally understand that.

That's the only reason I mentioned clarifying on your blog, to people, even if it's just one person, that you do not offer life coaching services. Then you won't have this kind of weird communication again from someone who reads your blog; they won't assume you offer life coaching b/c you clearly state that you don't. Does that make sense?

Ah, that piece of information helps clarify everything now for me, anyway.

It never ceases to amaze me how much expectations people heap onto others. It’s self-centered and completely unreasonable. Good for you to tell her no. But you still walked away with a yucky feeling because the interaction was just ridiculous. I like the suggestion to add a disclaimer to your blog. Next time should this problem arise at least you could point to that. Still... I find it so weird she placed demands on you based on a blog. I read people’s blogs and websites all the time and it never occurs to me to thrust myself unreasonably on them.

This is weird to me. I've seen your blog. In no way would I think that, through your blog, you are offering life coaching. Your blog is sort of inspirational, self-help oriented, but not like you offer any services. It's a personal blog style, not a business blog.

I think, regardless of what she wanted, you set a boundary with her, and she reacted with a lot of insulting comments. That's when you say "I'm sorry you feel that way." and walk away. Remember we talked about practicing ignoring people? She doesn't like you now. Not everyone in the world will like you or will get mad at you because you don't do what they want. We (I say we because you and I are both working on this) have to practice ignoring them.

I know that's a simplistic answer, but reassure yourself that you are happy with the quality of the content you are producing, and that is all that matters. All that matters in this instance is your opinion of your blog. Keep reminding yourself that she can have her opinion, and it doesn't have to matter to you. You don't need validation from her to feel good about what you do.

I get it; it's hard to deal with these things because we don't have the coping skills. Remember this is an opportunity to practice not caring about her. Block her from your social media and keep putting her out of your mind. You can do it. Don't waste your energy on her.

You set your boundary. She's going to be unhappy. Let her be unhappy. It's not your job to make her happy. It's your job to take care of you.

Hope this helps.

Seesaw

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the replies. I’m in the middle of work so I can’t respond properly or individually until tomorrow. Thanks for all the support though!!!

There is nothing on Golden’s blog or at least I didn’t see that even remotely looks like she intends to be anyone’s coach. I don’t see why she needs to put disclaimers.

She posts articles about happiness, she writes those articles, she doesn’t offer or advertise services. Why does she need to mention that she isn’t a life coach?

It’s like if I post my art work that I paint, I don’t feel I need to put disclaimers that I am not going to teach art. It’s silly

There is nothing that you could differently (except maybe be more selective who you get entangled with). She sounds combative and aggressive and obviously likes to get free resources whenever she can instead of making any effort to improve her own life.

Lesson learned. Block her from everywhere.

Thanks, Divine, Sisabel, Blanche and Seesaw! I don't want to ignore anyone else who has also replied, but those are the names I can see right now in the feed.

Yes, it is simply a self-help type of blog. There's been zero confusion thus far and plenty have been exposed to my blog at this stage. It's pretty clear from the front home page that I do not offer any kind of services. It's simply online advice.. and a blog, not a professional website.

Blanche, I'm glad I cleared that up for you. And thank you. I know you were just trying to help! I put it together that you must have thought we met through my blog, which wasn't the case. In that case, I totally understand your points and it would perhaps make sense to add a disclaimer. But since this is the one and only time, I don't see the need.

Seesaw, yes, you were just saying this to me. Something that is SOOOO very hard for me to put into practice! I take attacks to heart and very personally and honestly? When she insulted my work, it was like someone popping my whole bunch of balloons I was holding in my hand.

It's been my pride and joy... imagine working very hard at a piece of work for over two years, to then have someone try to denigrate it to practically nothing? It was infuriating for me.

And I knew that it came from a very bad place, of her being most dissatisfied with her own life and her lack of achievements.

I don't cope very well with strong emotions. They can pull me under sometimes and I get, well, overwhelmed by them. So I was overwhelmed by anger and rage at her for even trying to punch holes into my good feelings about myself AND my work.

Which is exactly what the most unhappy people try to do!!!!!!! They hate seeing other people successful and/or happy, so what do they need to do? Try to tear them down. That's an extremely toxic person for you.

Maybe I will write a blog article on this topic! LOL!!!! Maybe this is the inspiration I needed in order to write a new article! HA! I've been blocked lately and haven't written in three months. Well, now is a good time, lol.

Thank you ALL so very much again. It really helped to hear your feedback and support around this. I am constantly amazed and astonished at how awful people can truly be toward one another.

And yes, Sisabel, it was completely selfish and self-serving of her. It says a LOT about what kind of person she is, at heart. Only looking at what others can give her, not what she can give to others in return. A user.

An article on accepting validation from yourself because looking for it from strangers won't bring you happiness? Yes.

I know, you gotta let it out. I'm the same way. I keep reminding myself: I waste too much energy on other people's stuff. Don't want to waste my time and energy processing their crap for them. I like what I do and what I've done, and it works for me.

As an artist I deal with this all the time. Some people don't like my work. That's fine. I do like my work, so that's what matters. I don't make my art to please them, I make it to please me. (Unless they're paying and then yeah...they do have some opinion, I suppose.)

This is YOUR blog about YOUR experience. Also, one way to wave off these people that sort of grates them is to say "Thanks for the feedback. Keep reading and enjoy!" I know it seems counter-intuitive, but they hate that you can accept feedback and that you suggest they keep reading, lol.

LOL, Seesaw. That's too funny! Hehehee.

The thing is, my blog IS aimed at helping people. It's not for me, it's for others. She was making it seem like it's totally generic in comparison to other blogs. But whatever. My voice, my experience and my approach are unique to ME, and that's what matters the most. I write all original articles, and most are based strictly on experience, wisdom & knowledge gained over the years. BUt yeah, I have to learn to ignore any naysayers who try to burst my bubble. She's obviously miserable in her life.

This comes from somebody who has yet to do it herself, but since you are asking for suggestions, mine is to tell her that she is miserable in her life and also seems to speak from the place of envying you.

I am a little confused. You mentioned you met this person online, were you already interacting with this person in a guidance counseling way and then suggested this person read your blog? I am just wondering if you invited criticism without realizing it when you were interacting with this person. Maybe that is what sets this person out in a different way than the average person who reads your blog that doesn't look at it or you in the light of being able to counsel them. Maybe this person figured that since you told her/him to read your blog that person could ask you questions and expect you to advise them further. Do you have a way of revisiting that conversation to see if that is what was what came about that ended up upsetting you? I am just thinking that if you were helping someone like in a thread here when they shared some problem and then you said some things you thought were helpful and then said "here is a link to my blog that might help you if you read it". That is different then just a random person reading your blog in that you were also advising or posting to a problem this person was having like people do here in their different threads. Does that make sense? I can totally understand your being upset and that your blog is well received and important to you. I am just wondering how this person and you conversed before this happened that you may want to avoid experiencing again because this person expected more of you. Does that make sense?

It wasn’t like that at all. It almost doesn’t matter now. But she wanted to use me. It was all on her and her using people to get what she wants and needs.

Ok, I really did not understand how this all came about. Sometimes we can open a door not knowing it can end up slapping us in the azz. I know I have experienced that myself and if I can revisit I learn what to avoid the next time. As you know, I have my own sore butt and just keep trying to build up a stronger wall around me so certain kinds of people can't throw their stuff at me that I don't deserve

I don’t trust anyone anymore.

One of the things I am learning along with many others is what not to give to others that they can break your trust in them with.

It’s not you. It’s this particular person. I don’t think you should stop trusting people.

You shared on several threads that you have a blog in the same manner how some of us shared that we exhibit in art shows or sing in a regional choir or play in a band. No one else assumed it’s advertisement of services or invitation to be used. So whatever online place you shared your blog with this woman wasn’t advertisement of services.

I think you should continue working on your recognizing red flags and not trusting too soon and not share too much too soon. Give it time. I bet if you spent another few days communicating to this person or observing her communication with others you’d run for the hills.

Just take your time with people. Most people could be trusted, obviously this person is bad news. Unfortunate case of a person who can’t achieve anything in life unless someone else does it for her. Good riddance. Most people aren’t this way

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why be appalled? your response is just as immature as theirs was...if you want to consider your work professional then think& act like it. you mention boundaries then respond at the same level she does. be the professional..it isn't about just writing like one, it is also about handling the responses, the conflict etc. if you put your thoughts out on a blog, be prepared for reactions... the entire world can read and respond and that is a boat load of readers..each with an entirely different perspective.

I do not understand your response to Eve. Why does she need to say she is not a life coach. A blog that offers help or perspective and advice is meant to be helpful. I do not see how that would make people assume she is a certified life coach. If she was a life coach I think she would say that and maybe advertise her services but I do not believe she needs to say she is not a life coach. Blogs and websites that offer advice do not need to add disclaimers that they are not something. I do not think that being a professional makes you immune to insults and gossip and she is allowed to be upset about it. Just because she has a blog doesnt mean she has to be "professional" and tolerate the insults. Of course she would be affected by it.

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if you want to set yourself up as a pseudo life coach then why the response from you as appalled and upset ? respond as a pseudo life coach would.

Why would you say "pseudo life coach"? She has said she is not one and doesnt claim to be one. How is offering advice or experience make someone seem like a life coach? I usually like your responses and honesty and feel like we are similar in the way we are direct about replying to people but in this case i feel like you are being harsh unnecessarily.

Thank you, Sarah! I greatly appreciate your post and support. And I agree with you. That post I found to be particularly offensive and unsupportive.