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#21
But how am I supposed to know that? How do I know when people being pissed has nothing to do with me? And how do I know if they’re even mad at all?
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Anonymous44076
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#22
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1. gently ask him if you misunderstood or if there's a problem 2. leave it there and start afresh Just one more thought....how do you know he's lying? You're not in his head right? I think there is more than one way to interpret this situation. |
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#23
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Crone
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#24
It's a very safe assumption that we are not the center of other people's world. That what they do has very little to do with us.
Even if he was mad at you yelling at him was not the right response, he is your supervisor. If you asked him if he was mad and he said no then accept that, you can not know what other people are thinking or feeling and you don't have to know. . You can say in a natural voice that you feel he is angry. But if the person denied it then there's nothing you can do but accept that they are having a bad day and stay out of their way. __________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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lizardlady, Middlemarcher
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#25
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I could be upset about something & it comes across just in how I am at that time....& it doesn't mean I am mad at anyone. When I was mad about something at home it was difficult to put aside those feelings when I got to work & if I seemed angry it sure wasn't because of anyone at work. DON'T EVER YELL at your boss. He has a right to be angry at you for doing that. Totally inappropriate behavior on your part no matter how you felt he was feeling. Also you are working for them. Your presence does not depend on if you just FEEL like coming in later. Working means BEING RESPONSIBLE for meeting THEIR schedule not yours. You want to be a mature responsible adult you are going to have to learn to act like one. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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lizardlady
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#26
Ruby, is this at the same job where you were recently sent home after sending a customer to a kiosk and then arguing with the manager and then going over their head? I ask because lots of problematic behavior can lead to being fired. I know if I yelled at my supervisor...well, I'm sure there would be disciplinary action.
Regardless of the reason, yelling in the workplace is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if you were upset. It doesn't matter if he was being standoffish to you because he was in a bad mood. It sounds like your supervisor was in a bad mood, and you equated that to being mad at you, even though he said he's not. You're trying to read people's minds and that never works out. If someone says they aren't mad at you, then all you can do is take them at face value and believe them. If they appear to be in a bad mood, then let them be in a bad mood. It's not your mood to manage, it's theirs. It seems you often worry too much about what others are thinking and doing and not focusing on what you are thinking and doing. I think it would be really good for you, the next time you are worried if someone is mad at you or anything similar to say to yourself "what is my job today?" and focus yourself on that. You're kind of embroiling yourself in drama and creating problems that don't need to be created by worrying about things that aren't yours to worry about. It really doesn't matter if he's mad at you or anyone else. That is for him to deal with. It was okay to ask, since you sensed he was in a bad mood, and obviously if he was mad at you, you'd want to find out why and if you need to do anything to address it. But after that, you have to drop it and let it go. I work with many people, and we do try to be open if we're experiencing something but if someone communicates something to me, I don't read into it. If I get a short response, I don't read into that person being mad at me. Most of the time they're just going through email quickly and don't have much time to reply other than yes/no, thx. No small talk. I used to read into it that ppl were being short with me. Now I just go by the mantra that if someone has something they need to address with me then they will. I won't carry their moods or problems in my head for them. And I won't worry about it before it happens, because there's nothing I can do. Not all work places as so honest and open as ours, but still, you asked, he answered, the thing to do would have been let him have his bad mood, and believe him that it didn't have anything to do with you. What it sounds like happened is that you didn't believe him, and therefore retaliated with a poor attitude. You can't let other people's moods affect yours. So, to answer the thread question: the best way to know if someone is mad at you is to ask. If they say no, then leave it alone. It's not your job to read their mind. If they are lying and are mad at you, then they are manipulating and it's not your job to deal with their emotions. If they say yes, then ask how you can resolve it. If they say no and appear to be upset, and it's appropriate, ask if there's anything you can do because they seem not as their usual self, as another poster mentioned. But in general, at work, just focus on yourself and your job. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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lizardlady
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#27
Yelling at your boss is a sure way to get fired. My father told me before my first job decades ago. Go to work on time. Do your job , don’t get into other people’s business, say please and thank you. Be glad you have a job and a Check to cash every week, and put 25% of that in savings every week. He was a very wise man. He was a boss with at least 25 people working under him, who would he promote ? Yes .... the employee that came to work and did there job consistently.
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#28
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#29
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Yes, he may have been angry that whole shift. But perhaps the anger was not related to you. Is that possible Ruby? |
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#30
He treated a handful of others better than me. They weren’t invisible like me.
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#31
Ruby, you've been given a lot of great advice already. IF others, including your supervisor, are sometimes angry with you yet not telling you, why do you think that would be?
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#32
I have no idea and when I asked him what I did wrong, he told me I didn't do anything wrong.
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#33
If he asked you to come in early then presumably something had gone wrong, which is why he needed to call you in? This could be why he was in a bad mood, or he could have just woken up in a bad mood. It does not have to be about you, some people just take their bad moods out on others, it doesn't mean that they have done anything wrong.
If he said that he wasn't angry at you, or that you hadn't done anything wrong then why wouldn't you believe him? He is unlikely to be playing mind games with you, he is likely to have just been in a bad mood. However, yelling at your supervisor is never ok. No matter how much you think they deserve it, and I am not surprised that you were sent home. Turning up late just to get some kind of revenge is petty, will mean that other colleagues will have to be called in/stay late to cover for you and is likely to get you into a whole lot more trouble |
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WishfulThinker66
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#34
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As I had advised before, and as others have advised too, best to just focus on doing a good job at work and not getting involved in interpersonal dramas. |
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#35
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See what I mean? If you can be really specific regarding the actions you did or did not experience (instead of feelings) then maybe I can help you with some ideas for moving forward. For example, an action could be "my boss bought everyone a cup of coffee that morning and did not buy me a cup of coffee" or "my boss would not allow me to take a break that day but my co-workers got breaks" Those are actions. "I was invisible compared to the others" is a feeling. Does this make sense? |
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eskielover
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#36
A lot of people in this thread have given you good suggestions. What I keep seeing is people telling you to stop worrying about what your boss may be thinking, stop internalizing his feelings, stop guessing at his motivations and stop trying to get him to explain himself. It doesnt matter if he was mad at you or not. It doesnt matter if his energy or vibe made you feel like he was angry. He said he wasnt mad at you and that is all that matters. You do not need to be guessing what he really means or feels. You have to go with what he said. Yelling at him because you think he is really mad at you did not help things and will not make it easier in the future. He called you in early and you do not need to know why and he doesnt need to praise you for coming in early. You said you would, and did come in early and that is all that matters.
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Magnate
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#37
As another poster pointed out requiring you to come in early is an indication the shift was short handed and very stressed. I too believe it was this that was causing your supervisor to be upset.
I've a few more thoughts you must absolutely consider.... Everything is not a response to you. Just because the person was mad didn't mean you caused it. You do yourself a disservice to assume everything is about you I'm being honest here - and this is why you find yourself in trouble and difficulty all the time You need also to keep your behaviour in check. You can't be so reactionary all the time. Before you act and react you need to pause and ask yourself if you are doing the correct thing. Ruby this is really crucial if you want to advance in your career. |
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#38
HOW did he treat others better then you?
when you yell at a manager..that is a sure way to get unemployed fast. you applied to be a manager....this shows me you are not ready to be in that position yet. who cares why he is in a bad mood. maybe he & his wife had a fight, the dog pooped in the house, check engine light went on in the car, maybe he didn't think he had to call anyone in but was told to, what ever the reason....it's his call. by you stressing over it it makes you look worse. come to work. do your job. go home. no drama. none. period. |
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#39
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#40
really? joking around with everyone else?
this has been a recurrent issue with you....you have a life coach right? have her coach you & take the advice. or go to work, just do the work & don't interact with anyone. you get yourself in trouble. ...how many times has this been an issue...at some point you need to step up and learn..i know you have behavioral issues but that can only go so far as an excuse. you need to start processing stuff...or they will let you go. some of the things you have said & done would have gotten anyone else fired on the spot already...honestly you are pushing your luck. life coach or not. it is time to grow up, step up and do the job to the same level as the other employees . |
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