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Unhappy May 25, 2019 at 05:50 PM
  #1
So I'm wondering what you guys think of my mum's behavior ? I'm kind of wondering what I'm dealing with. I know its dsyfuntional but I have wondered if my mum is narcissistic or borderline personatily disorder or some thing.

So to put histroy out there.
I'm 28 years old living at home. I have been dealing with my mental health for past 4 years. 2 years I had a student therapist and it worsen my mental health. To the point I had increased sucidie thoughts, self harm and to the point because I was in high in anxiety my immunity dropped. I keep getting sick and keep having this skin rash. Once I changed therapist to a experience one. I stopped self harming and suicide thoughts decreased and that skin rash I had stopped.
Its amazing what a change of therapist can do to you.

Anyway back to my mum.
So my mum hasnt been nice to me since growing up. I would say my mum is emotional/verbal abusive.
My mum use to call me self fish, pig or ******. Be over silly stuff such as if I wanted to put my wet clothes from washing machine to dryer and she wanted me to put it on the rack. She start calling me those names.
If I told her how I felt , say for example I feel sad. She tell me "you shouldn't feel sad". I was told that my whole life. So I questioned how I felt and suppressed my emotions and well it loaded to mental break down. It's crazy how the closest people in our life can mentally affect us.
When I was a little kid below age of 10 .
If I had an ice cream and she ask can I have a bite and I said no she say to me "I'll remember that, you wont have dinner tonight". So I would feel anxious not getting dinner and guitly so I give her a bite from my ice cream.
My mum has a bad temper too. When I was young she once threw a compture chair from upstairs.
Again was when she had a boyfriend and was angry and grabbed the dinner table chair and threw! That on the floor. She did this again 2 years ago but over the deck and the chair broke.

This one is a big one.
About 5 years ago. She got upset with her mum. I would say her realtionship with her mum easnt heathly. But, she once got a kitchen knife and held it to her chest told me and my sister, should she kill herself. It was the most scariest thing ever. I wasnt sure if I approach her and take the knife from her hands she would kill herself. Or if I stood there she would kill herself. My sister and I were frozen what to do. She eventually put knife in the kitchen draw and went to her bedroom and slam the door. I called my partner to pick me up and stay at his. My mum never apologise to me for that, but she did to my sister.

So that's roughly her behavior.

Currently though what I'm dealing with.
I appreciate you reading so far here, means a lot. Thank you.
My mum got a new job as a manager of a library and she been anxious since she started the job.
But, before she started her new role. She went on hoilday with a friend who drinks a lot. Since after her hoilday she been drinking red wine every night. Every second night is a new bottle of wine. It has increased since she started this new job.

I will add note. She hasnt been the same since her mum died 3 years ago. She never cried and only once at home. Her brothers ask if my mum was alright and she seem pilot mode. That's what they described. Yes, her bothers have ask if my mum alright in other times. I never had chance to say no she not alright help!!! But I fear if they speak to her what I say. My mum will get very angry at me become abusive towards me.

Right now she seeks vaildation like it's going crazy. She got these boots right for work. She wore them to show to me, my partner my sister , her ex husband which is my dad who comes over visits us. My sister boyfriend. How great these shoes are. The next day she will do it again . I following week got these sport shoes myself. I was wearing them. My mum notice them and thought they were nice and my partner said yeah they are nice. I could tell by mum lifting her foot from the floor to point at her shoe again! For vaildation. I quickly change the subject. SUDDENLY! Out of now were. She grabbed the fruit bowl and put it on her head and said "Doesnt this look like a hat"! And went to my sister and her boyfriend saying that.

It was most weirdest, random thing I have ever seen my mum done over 28 years I have been a live.

One night she was drinking and play from her speaker from living room loud catholic music. It creeped my partner out and my sister's boyfriend out. We heard it from our bedrooms and had to close to the door to down the sound out.

Last night. I wash two pair of pants and took my sister's clothes out from the dryer. they were slightly damped! But I thought it wouldn't take long for my two pair of pants to dry and I put my sister's clothes back in. So I did that. Then later on my mum saw my sister's clothes on pile next to the dryer, and ran to her room to tell her. I could hear her from living room saying it and saying how it probably have to be re washed. I was so angry! She did that and cause more trouble for me. Because knowing my sister she try and do that to now. I was very anxious.

So I just took my pants out and put her clothes back in and told her I put my clothes back in the dryer. She seem ok with it.

So that's what been happening.
I dont even have money to move nor my partner. He started a new jobs at real estate so he had to build up money before moving out. But its driving both of us nuts. Help.
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