Support or “constructive criticism”?

What are you looking for when you post on pc or on any other online forum?

Are you looking for support, kindness and validation?

Or are you looking for “constructive criticism” (and where is the line between that and judgement and being discouraging ....

Respect to all

Understanding.

Thanks ennie... I agree, understanding is very important imo.

Honestly, I just want to commiserate. I don't need advice or criticism. I just want to know that people know what I'm feeling.

Thanks seesaw

When I first came to PC, I was reeling from a serious attempt and would reply to suicidal posts thinking I could make a difference. By taking medication, I have been able to escape SUI ideation completely but have noticed that some of the people I replied to in 2016 are still just as suicidal. I have learned from that that all I can realistically do for others is try to be a good listener. I try but sometimes I am not even a good listener.

Other than the first couple of months I joined, I mostly come to PC when I am experiencing emotional pain and cognitive dissonance. PC gives me a place to vent my frustrations. I feel a bit of attachment to so many good people here, though, this time, I have made a personal decision to PM less often. I will answer a PMs to me of course but due to my crazy attachment issues, I have decided to talk in much less detail about myself in future PMs. Do love this community though.

I am looking for answers, education about what is or isn’t healthy. I have learned a lot! I am looking for a consensus from a body of people, because I think this is a good indicator of society, regarding issues which tells me what is the norm of what people generally think. I am looking for truly constructive criticism when I am wrong, but not to be made to feel like I fell into a tank of hungry sharks! I am looking for validation and support because I feel so alone I have no one else to get it from!

Great question, what is the difference between constructive criticism and just being judgmental and discouraging?

It depends. I am learning on here how to more clearly state exactly what I am looking for and not looking for in a particular post.

Like in some instances, I may ask for opinions and/or constructive criticism by asking "did I do something wrong here?" "was I in the wrong?" or "how could I have handled this better?" Those kinds of questions invite constructive criticism and promote self-learning and self-improvement. And what's amazing about PC is that many of us are in therapy working on self-improvement and self-learning.

In other cases, I simply want validation of my experience or feelings and have learned to state that that's all I am looking for, rather than advice or criticism.

If we leave it wide open, people are left unto themselves to guess what the poster is needing or wanting, and it may invite unwanted constructive criticisms.

I think what's good and helpful is if the OP states what they are seeking from the outset. That way it's very clear and then any types of unwanted responses can be limited.

HUGS!

Thanks everyone! These replies are very helpful to me

Sometimes if I see all one kind of thinking in a thread I tend to play "devil's advocate" & throw out a different POV just because. Basically I like to see different ideas because I like my mind opened to other ways of thinking that I might have overlooked. I analize everything & take what I can apply & discard what doesn't work for me. I don't look at something as "constructive criticism", I just look at it as someones different POV.

Generally I will ask a question, and I would appreciate honest answers.

What about what are we looking to give in reading other people's postings?

I am looking to give support, and in some cases, suggestions.

No matter how gentle I word things, sometimes, this is not well received.

What I am noticing in both Online and off-line world is that people who are open to external feedbacks are usually already self-aware that they admit to their own mistakes before anyone even mentions it.

So they are naturally open to different angles of perspectives.

“The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered. ... Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or aggression.”

“Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.”

These are definitions of constructive vs. destructive criticism.

My mother has always played ‘devil’s advocate’ ‘just because’ (she even calls it ‘devil’s advocate’). I find it to be a form of invalidation. If I know the sky is blue, and say the sky is blue, she will tell me it isn’t, thus telling me I am wrong when I know I am not. I am very sensitive to this destructive criticism and find it very triggering when faced with it outside of conversations with my mom as well. This is something I will have to work on in self-protection. I am glad I am now very aware of this toxic dynamic. As for any one else’s reasons for giving oppositional POV’s, their motives may be sincere to be helpful. I am not bashing anyone who has good intentions. I’m sensitive to invalidation and hate it when I experience it because it have had to put up with it all my life.

Honestly, what is the intention? “Let’s correct this poor, misguided person who thinks the sky is blue.” (The sky IS blue!) or “Let’s make ourselves feel superior by invalidating this person.”

I'm in agreement with seesaw about the need to commiserate with others, especially with those that can possibly understand by the very virtue of this being a psychology forum. Not that it's an echo chamber but the insight and open mindedness exists in a forum like this unlike non psych forums if that makes sense.
I found here when I still needed support in the nuances of still dealing with my exh after divorce along with my own health issues. I dropped off forums and social media for a couple of years after losing my mom and going through my divorce. When I went back online, the place that I used to go to was but a fragment of what it once was and some of the members were shockingly rude.. i reacted 🙄
So, from there a small stint elsewhere which was meh then here-PC- was it. If this turned sour I was planning to swear off forums and then some for more than 3 years.