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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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Member Since: Dec 2014
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#21
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Subtle difference between sincere: “I am sorry, I behaved badly. I wish we could remain friends but I understand that I hurt you too much by my selfish actions.” That would be direct approach. The way he went about is passive aggressive manipulative way. He also managed to play a victim and blame others for the fact that he rudely stands people up! Unbelievable He didn’t feel guilty because he simply isn’t a nice person. There are some people who simply aren’t nice. They could appear nice initially because they know how to pretend very well, but they show true colors eventually. Luckily this dude show his nature early on and you didn’t get too invested |
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unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
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#22
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When reading all these articles about naricissists and toxic people etc., it can be easy to start thinking that anyone who says certain things or acts similar to what is described is automatically a bad person. There is really no such thing as a perfect person and people can have some behaviors that are not all that desireable or are imperfect, yet that doesn't always mean they are a totally bad person. |
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romantic rose, seesaw
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#23
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So, I need a concrete scenario from you, of what you mean, when you say that when someone tells you its fine if you don't want to be their friend, that doesn't indicate they are a bad person. I am trying to understand where you're coming from, but from where I stand, that doesn't make sense to me at all. No one who is mature and responsible, would tell another person how to feel. No one. They would allow the other person to express themselves and not tell them they are wrong for expressing themselves. |
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divine1966
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sarahsweets
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romantic rose
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: UK
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#24
A few of these I can see in myself but most of them thankfully not. Very aware I can be immature at times though.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#25
Quote:
The truth is it's not black and white, there definitely is a lot of gray when it comes to interacting with other people. Sometimes with these articles that lay out things to watch out for in others that can mean that person is a toxic or a bad person can pull you in a direction of thinking anyone who exhibits "some" of these behaviors is a bad person. Everyone has some narcisism in them, it's simply a part of being human. We all have our weaknesses and insecurities. Often a person that has been deeply hurt by a narcissistic person is VERY sensitive, that's very understandable. Let's face it when a person is only able to see things according to their own truths and ends up blowing up at or playing their withholding toxic game and you are the victim? It can really take time to heal and try to trust again. Part of the healing is spending time learning what to watch out for in other people so you don't end up once again getting sucked into that awful trap of once again being abused and hurt. There is the sarcastic "you can have your own feelings" and an actual caring of "yes, I understand you can have your own feelings and I will step back if you wish". It's not permission, it's respect, there is a difference. |
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Anonymous44076
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romantic rose
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#26
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All you've done in your post above, is attack me for my opinion. What your post is doing, is gaslighting me, by telling me that I'm sensitive so my perceptions are wrong because I'm sensitive. That's not very nice, or accurate. It is fine if you want to disagree with me, but you are not allowed to attack me for disagreeing with you. |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949, divine1966
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sarahsweets
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#27
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__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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#28
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"no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are" is straight forward enough for me to know that he lacks both consideration and common sense. |
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divine1966
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#29
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He didn't even seem bothered by a new person (me) knowing he was such an asshole, aka cad. No wonder his wife divorced him! I can only imagine the psychological manipulative hell he must have put her through when they were married. Even if I had an enormous social circle, behavior like this guy's is just unacceptable. While I understand there are times people need to cancel plans, if they won't even respect me enough to tell me in advance via text, or email, or a phone call, then why should I give them a chance to be my friend? I hate people like this guy, who play these manipulative games. |
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Anonymous43949
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TheUrOther
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Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: California, USA
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#30
That list is like a checklist for every person I've ever interacted with, at least face-to-face. Every such person is all but a couple of these things at most. My parents, in particular, acted as if this was a list of virtues to excel at. If it wasn't for their abuse driving me to be the opposite of all of these, who knows what I'd be like. My entire childhood was filled with these people - but to be fair, that means most of them were children...
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Anonymous48672
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