Not a Good Day to be D&C

I was on top of a mountain, now I'm in the deepest possible valley. Feeling nothing but resentment after an argument with my parents on a recent trip, and now the only person that I ever had feelings for is getting married. The latter I just found out about today. This on top of rejection from people who I previously thought were close and were like-minded, but left me as soon as I started to have problems and made mistakes.

So apparently I'm unlovable and not worthy of any human contact.

I know it's hard when you feel like no one is around or like no one really understands, but you are both lovable and worthy of human contact. Don't let anyone ever tell you different, not even yourself.

I disagree that you are unloveable.

You are NOT: Lazy, crazy, useless, ugly, horrible, terrible, bad, evil, useless, horrid, unworthy, useless, unloveable, worthless or insignificant.
You are human, You have flaws, you have gifts.

Someone you have feelings for who is getting married is very upsetting.

I hope your day gets better - parents are tough, especially traveling with them - and rejection always hurts

I wonder if you have ever come across the idea of cognitive distortions as part of cognitive behavioral therapy or read the Feeling Good handbook? Some of the ideas and concepts have really helped me a lot. Your comment that you feel unlovable and unworthy of human contact after these recent setbacks made me think of that book. A common distortion is jumping to conclusions i.e. jumping to the conclusion that you are unlovable because of a falling out with one group of people. There's a link about these concepts on the PsychCentral website if you are interested. 15 Common Cognitive Distortions

Aw DazedandConfused. I am so sorry you are feeling this way

You know I've personally not experienced an attachment to someone about to get married but I can imagine that news hit you on a very deep level. You're in shock...try not to evaluate your feelings/reaction too much right now. Let the feelings flow. Let the feelings be what they will for a while. The shock will fade in time and then you can start working through your thoughts.

You are a lovely, intelligent fella with a bright future ahead! You have thoughts telling you differently right now but you don't have to believe them. Listen to your PC friends instead!

I wonder if you would call a hypothetical guy in your exact situation "unlovable and not worthy of any human contact?" If you would not look him in the eye, after he told you about his broken heart, and say that to him...I wonder what you would tell him instead?

I have no problem sending love your way. Nothing unsafe or uncomfortable. Just some love from one human to another...because we are all in this crazy gig we call Life together! So from ol' Silver Trees to you Dazed and Confused, here's some love because you ARE lovable!!!

Now do something nice for yourself, big or small, because you deserve it.

How To Love Yourself... Unconditionally & Permanently
YouTube

Thank you so much @theoretical and @sarahsweets, I really needed to see this.

@hvert I also appreciate you sharing this link with me. This is something I relate to as I’ve suffered from anxiety, as I have become more prone to generalizations and labelling but there are some others (Fallacy of Fairness) that I had no clue were part of the list. It’s helpful so I can get to the root of some of my current unhealthy ways of thinking.

@SilverTrees Thank you so much for taking the time as always to encourage me. I can always count on you to find light in my current state of darkness. Its a good point you raise about what I would tell someone else in my same situation, I usually never say the same encouraging things over myself that I would share with a best friend. I’ve felt so ugly these past few weeks that I need more people like you who appreciate this way.

For a little update, I’ve improved since my OP. A little self-care and distraction has done the trick for me. Instead of lingering around with my parents at their house like originally planned, I went back to my own place to spend time to myself and see my counselor. In the process I blocked the woman who was showing off her engagement on SM because keeping her in my circle when I have so much baggage with her wasn’t at all healthy. Then to further disconnect I broke away to a couple of lakes to go camping and kayaking, both right up my alley. Last couple of times that I’ve seen my counselor she has been very supportive. How supportive? When I was sharing the contents of my OP with her and my fear of being ugly and undeserving she was almost as choked up as I was getting in my description. In a world where people seem to be impatient in understanding my feelings, my experience with this counselor has been more than humbling.

However I can’t deny that any of this has happened; I am not the person to forget things easily. Visiting my parents next weekend for father’s day is daunting because we’ve been on good terms since our spat, but I still associate our last meeting as one blemished by hurt feelings. As for the person who I developed feelings for, I am still fearful of moving on. Not because I don’t want to dissociate from her and her SM post, but her post was one that rehashed all my blunders in finding love. Falling out with many of my friends that I thought would be lifelong friends from college has made me cynical and more comfortable just to retreat rather than reach out. Maybe I still could make new friends or remember there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but I have become hardened, thus my ability to keep friendships or love has been greatly reduced. But this has allowed me to take joy in spending time alone, as these past few years I’ve discovered a side of me unhindered by other people’s plans, limitations or hidden agendas.

Dear D&C,
It's normal to lose heart when things go bad... as in arguments, resentment and rejection.... We tend to get lost in extreme reactions when we experience emotional pain.... as your last line indicates; "So apparently I'm unlovable and not worthy of any human contact..." Just be careful not to fall into the trap of falling for that.... as tempting as it may feel.... Beleiving in not being worthy gives us the justification to close our hearts in anger and this anger becomes a compensatory comfort to get us through the hardship... Instead, it is far healthier to accept and feel the loss cleanly and courageously without losing sight of being a worthy and lovable human being....

Thank you @Riseupfromtheruins. I needed to see this. Some of the negative experiences I have faced in recent times have made my heart ever so hardened. This post has helped me to reconnect with others and my inner soul because I've often had to fall apart so someone can take care of me in thoughts of being unlovable. Now I recognize these thoughts aren't just a pity party but also a defense mechanism. But how to find proof that I am worthy of love and respect?