Does this make me look bad

I have ex who made up lies that me and family will repeat his lies back to me like it's the truth . One of his lies is that I'm wild basically for sleeping the way he told circumstances and number of times and pushed myself off on him with another girl around in background. Although grandmother did say I wasn't wild for sleeping with him how do I know or show my face.ily that I'm telling the truth and Know that they believe me?how do I show prove

I'm sorry you're struggling but honestly you lost me there. I'm not really sure what you are saying. Best I can tell you is that we have no control over what other people say or do, including when they lie. We only control how we respond. So a habitual liar would need to be avoided. And we need to be very careful about who we share our deepest truths with. If the liar in question is your ex, then focus on the ex part. Forget him/her. Even if he/she lies about you, the people to keep in your current life will pay no heed.

My ex claimed we never dated ,I was a one night stand(slept together the first night we met which is true),looked into his windows and came over four times after. Initially made love and pushing myself off on him while real gf is in bedroom.he messaged me twice come spend the night I didn't message back in time but deleted messages I could have had as proove,and told my cousin after fourth time I came over for me to leave him alone been coming over too much etc. Does me being celibate and Christian since this happened help me look truthful (which I am) . My family repeats back that I was looking into window and harassing him ,slept with him one time.how do I prove to family I'm telling the truth?how do I get a sense of if my family is telling my version or his version?if I was looking into his windows or hanging around his house family should know should have pictures and why claim gf is in bedroom while came over four times cus all but one time had sex.how do I show I'm telling the truth . Three years later and it's still tearing me up inside.my grandmother did say I'm not wild for sleeping with him and knows I almost got pregnant and he didn't use a condom. (He pulled out but thought still may be pregannat no pieord 3 months). Shouldn't he have used no condom use and my lack of birth control as reason for one night stand. Him and the other girl in question is friends with cousin reason grandmother everyone repeats their lies to my face but I believe they starting to believe me but goud me to see if telling the truth.

Shame on him for telling your family about your sexual experience! Even if what he says is true, tell them not to listen to him and he only wants to hurt you. Don’t engage in it. Just shut it down.

Thanks for sharing your truth Becleyhicks. May I ask how old you are? Are you older or younger than age 18?

Few more questions....you don't have to answer if you don't want to....maybe just things for you to think about in your own time.

Why are you discussing your sexual encounters with your grandmother? When you tell her about your sexual encounters, what is it that you are seeking from her?

Do you live with your grandmother or other family members? Do you live in a small community where everyone knows each other?

Do you know about STDs and the other risks associated with sex without a barrier? Other risks, particularly related to sex without commitment, could pertain to your emotional well-being and your physical safety. Sex always involves some level of risk because we are vulnerable when we share our body with someone. The risks are higher when we don't know the person well and they are not a committed partner. Then more risks are added if there is no barrier like a condom. I'm not trying to preach to you...just things you may want to think about for the future in order to feel safe and well.

Your title question is "does this make me look bad?" To me, no, you do not look bad. You're a person of value and you deserve safe unconditional love, peace, and joy. If other people think you "look bad" then that is a reflection of them and not of you. Your value is not dependent on how others perceive you, your value is there regardless.

It's been three years since these events and you sound quite distraught about them. So for future times, when you are making a decision (a sexual one or otherwise) you may want to first ask yourself: am I okay with the decision I'm about to make....will I feel okay about this tomorrow or next week or next year?

Have you ever read about boundaries? There's a lot of info on the internet if you are interested. I think learning how to protect your boundaries could be really valuable to you. Boundaries can help with all sorts of aspects of life......sexual boundaries, physical boundaries, sharing information etc

I have a hunch, though I don't know him, that the man you had the prior sexual encounters with is not a respectful and safe person to be sharing your body. An honest and respectful man would keep sexual encounters private....he would not be running around telling others about it. Though if he is doing that, it doesn't mean you look bad, it means he is not a safe person to be close to. And if you were under the age of 18 when you had sex and he was 18 or older, that is a crime where you live. Something to think about.

It's been 3 years. For your health and well-being, it is a good time for you to try to let go of these events and move on with your life. If that seems impossible or very hard to do, you can speak with a therapist. Talk the whole thing through and get some coping strategies. If you feel that you can't move on because others keep talking about it, family or community, perhaps you need to move away to somewhere new and have a fresh start. There is no way to prove to others that you are telling the truth. Respectful people either believe your truth as is or disrespectful people don't and then you want to avoid them.

I hope you will be able to move forward and let go of this part of your past. When I was feeling badly about something, I had a therapist who said: "It's okay, you didn't kill anyone!" You didn't kill anyone either Becleyhicks! You deserve a bright future. Just be careful and protect yourself. Surround yourself with decent and safe people. Best wishes to you

I talked to my grandma about sex but that was my choice, not some miserable ex trying to make trouble for me. What’s wrong with talking to your grandma? Mine was a cool grandma. She even told me that grandpa was a ‘very considerate lover’! Lol, whatever that means.

I kinda knew through my cousin and best friend this guy so felt safe to have sex wothout condom and spent the night with him first night we met so grandmother knew we had sex because didn't come home (I live with her)and didn't wanna lie and say we didn't and Wayne the guy said we had sex.my grandmother had to buy pregnancy test as was between jobs.

I understand. And I wasn't saying that it was wrong for you to tell your grandmother....but it opens you up to more judgment when you share really private information with others....particularly family members. She does not actually have a right to know when/if you have sex whether you live with her or not. That's a boundary issue.

Knowing someone through your cousin doesn't mean that he is without STDs. You may want to ask a doctor about that, you cannot screen by looking at a person. And he should not be sharing information about sex with other people. That is a violation of trust.

Are you a minor? Under 18?

I'm in my thirties

Maybe talk everything over with a therapist?

I've told cousin,sister in law,grand mother how many men I've slept with I'd this too much info ?I dated 20 men in six years mainly from parties or men I met on Facebook
.then I was single celibate eight years .dated my ex mentioned then now single celibate three years.grandmother said to number could of slept with that many when had town house or did (romate said had lot men over when had town house)how do I know my family belives me?

When you told your cousin, SIL, and grandmother your # of sexual partners, what was your goal? Were you seeking approval from them?

I don't think the primary issue here is whether or not your family believes you but why you are sharing such intimate details with them and why at age 30 you need their approval of your sexual choices? It's really not their business. They may or may not approve. The more people you share delicate info with, the more you unwittingly open yourself up to judgment or condemnation.

That's why most adults will keep their private sexual history to themselves. Most won't even share such details with their spouse. They may possibly share with one trusted friend or therapist if they wish to discuss.

It may seem like I'm not answering your questions but I think you are sort of looking at this from the wrong angle. You could spend the rest of your days trying to figure out if your family believes you or not....but wouldn't that be a waste of your life? We cannot truly know what is going on in someone else's mind....family or not. Someone could say I believe you and be lying. Someone else could say i don't believe her but they really do and don't want to say so. People are going to think whatever they want so we need to limit what we share with them.

Perhaps you are enmeshed with your family? Does that resonate? You (or they) don't perceive yourself as a separate entity from them in your own right?

Your sexual choices are not their choices so their opinion really doesn't matter. Can you see that or does that sound odd?

it is nice to have people around who like and appreciate me but ultimately the only approval I actually need for the rest of my life is my own. I need to be okay with my own choices. Other people will figure out theirs.

There are sex therapists who specialize in sexuality and sexual-emotional health. Perhaps you would benefit from speaking to one? They are bound by confidentiality laws...so provided you feel that the therapist is kind and respectful (some are, some are not) you could lay out your sexual concerns for them and get some help to think it through.

I don't know if you are seeking approval of your sexual choices from PC folks? I am not judging you at all. The # of men you had sex with does not matter to me. What matters is whether you are okay with this or not? On a basic level, are you comfortable in your own skin?

I was seeking how to get feel if family believes me. It matters a lot to me.i have therapist I talk to a lot about my ex and past .

I don't know of a way to determine if your family believes you. So I will wish you peace and a bright future and leave you be

My grandparents were awesome awesome people. I was very close to them, and I shared a lot with my grandma, including intimate things. She was totally hilarious. According to her they had awesome sex life, I totally believe it. They came across that way. My grandparents survived WW2 and lost everyone in the Holocaust (their parents and siblings and aunts and uncles everyone, they were the only ones survived) so their motto always was: we survived and go on living so damn it we are going to enjoy every minute of it.

I miss them

Beckley block your ex. Stop listening to him. If your family judges, you stop sharing with them. Be careful having sex without protection, check for STDs. Your family doesn’t need to believe you because frankly none of it is their business.

Also I’d try to discuss with your therapist difference between dating and simply having sex without attachment. Nothing wrong with casual sex but I am not sure why you are referring to it as dating. Again make sure you practice safe sex and keep these things private

I refer to it as dating because that's what it was to me we were together but not together u know?. My cousin said today in reference to my past and men Ive been with .stop living in past,Granny's not thinking any of this stuff about u,noones judges u ,it's ur bussiness,I don't care how many men u have slept with. Does that mean simply don't care of believe me about my past and ex?

Buckley- I got the impression you were more upset that your ex was telling your intimate details to your family than whatever they did or didn’t believe. I’m confused as to why you are focused on if they believe you.

My family and others who know believing me is most important part of the situation