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WishfulThinker66
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 08:47 AM
  #1
Do you ever feel hesitant to make an online acquaintance? Does friending someone ever feel the wrong thing to do? Do you ever feel an obligation to do so? If this does happen, how do you tend to deal with it?

For example, I keep getting friended by the son of a very close family friend. I feel pressured to accept even though it goes against my judgement to do so. But I do despite the reluctance. It always backfires. This man is extremely conservative. We are talking the alt-right sort of thing. He is disturbing to me. He has made some extreme comments against people who are different - race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and so on. His favourite target are those with more liberal thoughts - like myself. I have unfollowed him on account of his difficult posts. He will message me to forward some truly awful memes expressing his outrageous views too. And so he is blocked and deleted. Well he is a grown man in his late 40s perhaps even 50 now - and he still is a mommy's boy. Quite obviously he turns to his mother and whines on about this. Because I hear back from my father about how I am being unfair to him. So, when he next tries to friend me I bite the bullet and again accept - and the pattern continues.

Another example is a friend's husband. I just know the only reason he has friended me is to keep an eye out on his wife (he is the similar type as above just add abusive and mysogonistic to the list). I have unfriended him too and it gets back to me. He obviously expresses his displeasure to his wife and has forbidden her to contact me unless I keep him as a friend.

These are pretty extreme examples. I have wondered if others experience the same to any degree.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:00 AM
  #2
I think the obligation is even less online unless you need social media because it is vital to your business. If you don't need it then better to error on the side of caution. The scary thing about the online world is that I am not sure we get all of the signals (body language, tone of voice, the person's eyes--the eyes can say so much about a person ) that we get with people IRL. I occassionally find myself feeling anxious about what I have posted and all the rest. If you feel reluctant--no, no, no.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:03 AM
  #3
I had gotten a few friend requests of teenaged kids of my friends, and I just ignored the request. I just don’t feel it’s appropriate. They are kids and not my ‘friends’, plus I don’t want to have to censor myself.

But that was before i got driven off facebook for other reasons altogether.

Yikes, I’ve never had experiences like you had! This social media is a portal to hell!

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:16 AM
  #4
Yes, those are terrible experiences, I have never felt pressured but if I did I just wouldn't respond. I have considered cancelling my FB (the last time I looked, I recall they make it a bit hard to do) and this is not my first account here. Theoretically, you could cancel it all and start all over again in order to try to get it right? However, I notice that under my new usename, I make some of the same mistakes (I have to guard against sharing TMI)--but not all of them. Also, as someone who has been here before, I do have some impressions about some of the people here rather than going into it as blindly as before.

The online world still seems strange to me sometimes. It seems strange how that we get "programmed" to check in on it. There is work I should be doing instead. I also worry about how it effects young people. I am from the age of Pong and Atari and spent my entire youth outside.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 10:20 AM
  #5
I’m so much more comfortable talking with anonymous people from all over the world about the most honest and intimate things than seeing the social media news feed of people I somewhat know or my relatives! Nothing meaningful is discussed there and any opposing opinions turn into war.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #6
That’s why I am not on social media. So I don’t have to deal with these type of things.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 10:35 AM
  #7
I think you have every right to ignore these people. You don't owe them your online connection. It says a lot about the son of the family friend if he is being so sensitive about not being your online friend.

When this happens to me, I block people. I've worked too hard for my sanity and emotional wellness to let toxic people in.

Do what is best for you. Block them. They are adults and they need to act like adults. They are not your problem.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 10:47 AM
  #8
I had a friend (ironically the one who introduced me to to social media). Keep in mind we are over 50 and have had a somewhat tumultuous relationship all our lives. I stopped speaking to her and unfriended her when she did something extremely rude. This was a pattern. That time she did eventually apologize and we became friends again. She sent me a friend request on Facebook. I told her I want to not refriend her on there for now and give our real life friendship some time to see if we can get along, avoiding another unfriending drama on Facebook. Plus on Facebook she tended to make obnoxious comments on my wall to my friends and got angry when I deleted her rude comments! This didn’t go over well with her. She was furious to respect that I needed a boundary and she continued to harass me about the stupid Facebook friending. I held my ground. Shortly thereafter she was extremely rude to me again and we haven’t spoken for a year now.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 10:59 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
Another example is a friend's husband. I just know the only reason he has friended me is to keep an eye out on his wife (he is the similar type as above just add abusive and mysogonistic to the list). I have unfriended him too and it gets back to me. He obviously expresses his displeasure to his wife and has forbidden her to contact me unless I keep him as a friend.

These are pretty extreme examples. I have wondered if others experience the same to any degree.
Wow...that's a wrong motive for friending you. I don't use social networks (well, PC is an exception but it's different since we don't use our real names) as it seems stressful.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
He obviously expresses his displeasure to his wife and has forbidden her to contact me unless I keep him as a friend.
This dude has issues, and if he were to "pressure" me into a "friendship," I would tell him, in no uncertain terms, to bugger off.

If he asks why you've unfriended him, just call him an annoying edgelord and tell him to go back to /pol/.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 02:06 PM
  #11
I am on facebook...I get friend requests from people all the time who have the same breed of dog I have. if I don't know you I don't accept. same from people I knew in high school...graduated over 40 yrs ago..if ican't remember you or better yet remember you didn't talk to me, I don't friend you. if I think you are a jerk...well you get the idea. just because someone wants to be your "friend" doesn't mean you have to let them.

if someone asks why I unfriend them I say why..don't like their posts, don't agree, what ever. usually people don't ask but if they do I am honest. don't waste time worrying "if" someone were to pressure you into a friendship.

don't bite the bullet, block his sorry butt and if someone says something third party either explain why or tell them it is not of their business.

I had a good friend's fiancé who was a total *** ..posted things that he knew would get a rise out of people just so he could torment them...I played along & got sucked in and it bothered me. felt I couldn't do anything because he was the fiancé...finally...I said enough. I have never met him, he's not my friend, she is. so I blocked and unfriended him. life is much easier now. i'm still good friends with her.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 03:56 PM
  #12
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I’m so much more comfortable talking with anonymous people from all over the world about the most honest and intimate things than seeing the social media news feed of people I somewhat know or my relatives! Nothing meaningful is discussed there and any opposing opinions turn into war.
Me too! I miss the old, anonymous days of the Internet!
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 04:19 PM
  #13
If it's any consolation, my 16y.o thinks that fb is garbage and nothing but a place where drama is created. There's better platforms out there.

I think that you are well within your right to expressly state that you won't be discussing politics and that blocking/unfriending is a viable solution. My father a best friend's mom had it out on my page. I was floored. Totally trapped in the middle. I don't even recall what I posted, I don't recall it being remotely inflammatory. I had words for my dad and apologies via text to my friend's mom. As my son says....a place for creating drama. Much like the unenviable situation that you're in.

Went to a family function, one niece and I discussed whether we were or not because that's not the means of communication. It's an ok place for group invites such as her upcoming baby shower. I'm upfront about chances are I might not be following the day to day stuff. It's for updates etc with out of state family.
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