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Jp31
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 10:03 AM
  #21
I think it's unfair to judge him. I'm not alarmed because I have no reason to feel threatened. You only hear parts of the day that were eventful. Everybody deserves a chances regardless of who they were, or have been.

Today was a good day. We cuddled up, watched a movie and ordered food. We were talking about future, our lives up to now and other things. He explained that whilst being at "home" he was associated, not involved, but associated, with people who had no choice but to create a business plan to support themselves and their families. The area he used to live in has been dubbed one of the poorest areas in the country, as well as the most violent. He was only associated with these people because they were friends Before the involvement in activities.

He moved here to escape his mother as she was a drug addict who was violent and abusive, he wanted to start a new life where he could find a job and support himself. However his ten year relationship ended violently, when his abusive partner held a knife to his throat and had to be removed by police.

So today his guy picked us both up, with his old lady and we were driven to an all you can eat breakfast where it was free for us all. After that happen we watched all the Army planes land which was really fun. After, we were driven to an animal rescue shelter to look at adoptions for pets. There was just one thing that I noticed, and if anyone can dissect this behaviour then I'd appreciate the understanding, but please, don't be judgemental.

We were told he couldn't see any animals as it disturbs them. Fine, the guy filed a form but there was complications. My date stood up and walked over, staired at the receptionist and told her he wasn't very happy with how her attitude was. So, she called the supervisor and he sat back down, crossed legged, arms folded watching the woman intently. Once the supervisor came, he stood up and stood behind his guy and sighed loudly. They were very hesitant to comment but eventually we left. The mood was dampened, but definitely not dangerous.

Apart from that, it's been a normal day.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #22
I think what people are saying is, this will not end well for you. You might be enjoying the feeling of power now, but how will you feel when he starts using that power against you?

It is probably already too late to get out. We should just wish you the best.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 11:01 AM
  #23
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Originally Posted by Jp31 View Post
I think it's unfair to judge him. I'm not alarmed because I have no reason to feel threatened. You only hear parts of the day that were eventful. Everybody deserves a chances regardless of who they were, or have been.

Today was a good day. We cuddled up, watched a movie and ordered food. We were talking about future, our lives up to now and other things. He explained that whilst being at "home" he was associated, not involved, but associated, with people who had no choice but to create a business plan to support themselves and their families. The area he used to live in has been dubbed one of the poorest areas in the country, as well as the most violent. He was only associated with these people because they were friends Before the involvement in activities.

He moved here to escape his mother as she was a drug addict who was violent and abusive, he wanted to start a new life where he could find a job and support himself. However his ten year relationship ended violently, when his abusive partner held a knife to his throat and had to be removed by police.

So today his guy picked us both up, with his old lady and we were driven to an all you can eat breakfast where it was free for us all. After that happen we watched all the Army planes land which was really fun. After, we were driven to an animal rescue shelter to look at adoptions for pets. There was just one thing that I noticed, and if anyone can dissect this behaviour then I'd appreciate the understanding, but please, don't be judgemental.

We were told he couldn't see any animals as it disturbs them. Fine, the guy filed a form but there was complications. My date stood up and walked over, staired at the receptionist and told her he wasn't very happy with how her attitude was. So, she called the supervisor and he sat back down, crossed legged, arms folded watching the woman intently. Once the supervisor came, he stood up and stood behind his guy and sighed loudly. They were very hesitant to comment but eventually we left. The mood was dampened, but definitely not dangerous.

Apart from that, it's been a normal day.
Answers he gives you regarding his past sound vague. He refers to his dark past, association, or "business" plan without actually telling you what it is. He might not be dishonest, but unless you left some info out of your posts, it seems clear he doesn't want you to know the specifics. I wonder why that may be?

One thing you could do is seek an objective third party that knows or has heard of your boyfriend, and hear what they have to say. Maybe local police? Just make sure you're not followed... im only half joking.

Anyways, most of the users here may be wrong, and he may not actually be of harm to you or anyone else. If nothing anyone says here sways you towards leaving him. At the very least, proceed with caution and acknowledge how truly unusual this situation is. Which you seem to be doing, to the best of your ability.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 11:13 AM
  #24
I don’t think anyone is judging. I think people are concerned given some of the details and may see red flags.
 
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 11:15 AM
  #25
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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
is this for real?

I am wondering too, or if it is just to wind people up. If it is true, I agree with those that say get out now!!

I do know one person who gets police protection: the husband of a woman who went to law school with my husband. However, he's an assistant district attorney who deals with a lot of high profile drug bases, so it's understandable. This guy, well, his stories don't seem to make a lot of sense, honestly.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 11:38 AM
  #26
we are not judging we are just worried because your posts show so many red flags about this guy. for example you say he is an average guy but yet he has more than one body guard. just the cost alone shows he is not an average guy. for 24 hours it costs over 3000. in the UK and this guy has a body guard with him all the time.. calculate that into one weeks time thats 21000, translated into uk money thats 16,509 uk money. now multiply that by how many body guards he has.... it just does not add. we are very worried about you if this is for real, you may not realize it but you may be in extreme danger.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 01:52 PM
  #27
I don’t see anyone judging anyone. If you enjoy this life style then it’s fine but you asked our opinion.

Everyone’s opinion is that life style with guns, shooting, assaults and body guards is a dangerous life style. Your date isn’t famous or royalty or politician, he has no need for bodyguards unless he is involved in dangerous life style. Your guy as he said it himself associates with criminals hence he needs bodyguards. People who run homeless shelters and schedule volunteers do not need bodyguards.

You are very inexperienced and perhaps think that cuddling, watching movies and eating for free (every post mentions breakfast, why is it important) is enough to maintain a relationship. It’s not enough. You are free to continue this entanglement and he likely is glad he found someone young and inexperienced because no one else would be ok with it. He is waving red flags in your face.

Your safety is jeopardized
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 06:07 PM
  #28
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I don’t see anyone judging anyone. If you enjoy this life style then it’s fine but you asked our opinion.

Everyone’s opinion is that life style with guns, shooting, assaults and body guards is a dangerous life style. Your date isn’t famous or royalty or politician, he has no need for bodyguards unless he is involved in dangerous life style. Your guy as he said it himself associates with criminals hence he needs bodyguards. People who run homeless shelters and schedule volunteers do not need bodyguards.

You are very inexperienced and perhaps think that cuddling, watching movies and eating for free (every post mentions breakfast, why is it important) is enough to maintain a relationship. It’s not enough. You are free to continue this entanglement and he likely is glad he found someone young and inexperienced because no one else would be ok with it. He is waving red flags in your face.

Your safety is jeopardized
 
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 07:33 PM
  #29
People were served breakfast and “drinks” in the morning? These people drink in the morning? Who was “the old lady”? If he gets food for free, who do you think pays for it? He is involved in dangerous life style and has body guards and guns around but was afraid of his mother?

Nothing adds up here
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 07:09 AM
  #30
Hi JP31 and welcome to PC!

There are so many details of the situation you described that need more clarification, that it’s hard to know how to make all of this out for me. But the general thought, just like all the prior posters wisely said, is you are not in a healthy and potentially dangerous situation and should end this ‘date’ and go home.

May I start by asking how old you are? Where did you meet this man? Online, I presume. Why did you travel to stay with this man that you really didn’t know anything about? Why are you referring to him as your ‘date’?

Maybe a look into you and your thinking and doing risky things is a good place to start talking about in this issue.

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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 08:00 AM
  #31
So firstly, an old lady is meant as a partner. There are no involvement with firearms. His "bodyguards" is a word created by people here, not me. I've used the word protection, meaning anything. These guys are people who look after him, sometimes people do this. It's often just called being a good and trustworthy friend.

We didn't meet online, we met when I volunteered at the shelter. I live about an hour from him so I can't see him every day. I refer to him as my date and would rather be cryptic in the event I'm recognised as you all seem to think this is shady. This probably wasn't the place to post this.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 09:55 AM
  #32
Jp31,

Do you not see this all as ridiculous?

Even if this were truthful, do you not see participating in it as being less than the intelligent thing to do?

Consider this please. Given a friend or colleague being in the same situation what would you consider this all to be? Likely you would find it a little far fetched. But going on the assumption it was as matter of fact, how would you go about counselling your friend on the matter? What would you say to her? Would you encourage her to pursue this friendship or acquaintance? Probably not as being an outsider looking in you would see the inappropriateness of the whole thing and out of concern for your friend's safety you would strongly discourage her from getting tied up in all this. You would warn your friend accordingly and do everything you could to make her see the whole situation as incredibly alarming and one she should run away from instead of getting involved in.

And that is what I/we are doing. We are being that concerned friend.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 10:36 AM
  #33
Yes, people are only responding out of concern and care for your safety and well being. No one means any harm by their comments and concerns.

I would also personally be most wary of someone whose ex had held them by the throat with a knife. Why? Because that indicates an extremely volatile relationship that became violent and you don’t know his level of participation in it. Why was he with her for so many years? Was it an abusive relationship on both partners behalf? Do u know all the details? That on top of the protection as you name it, and a past that was “dark”, I would be very very wary of this man.
 
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 11:11 AM
  #34
“Sometimes people do that”? So you are saying it’s normal for friends following people to restaurants and sitting at the next table over at all times? I lived on two continents and know ton of people, I’ve never been on a date with “friends” looking over a guy. It’s because it’s not something that takes place. It’s just not happening.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 11:26 AM
  #35
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Well, he's not my boyfriend but we've been dating and it looks hopeful. I visited him one day but noticed the same guys following him everywhere he went. They even stay outside his apartment when he's coming and going.

We went for breakfast and they were sat at a table next to us. I caught him nod at them and they all stood up, they went outside briefly and returned and nodded at him. After that, we went into town to do some shopping and they were in the distance, but never left his sight. They don't give the vibe of being friends, but respectable towards him, and very protective of me?

Does anybody have any ideas on what is happening? I feel like it's not my business to ask him. All ideas are hugely appreciated

you're dating him, you have every right to know about some people that if not his acquaintances would appear to be stalking. Why would it not be your business to ask? Asking questions that would involve people outside you two that are always present would be something that I think he should be explaining up front in the first place and it kind of bothers me that he hasn't said something on his own. Could be a ploy that he is trying to look more important than he is?
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 11:35 AM
  #36
late reply - missed other responses.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 12:49 PM
  #37
I got the impression from what you described that you traveled to stay with him and were there with him for several days. Thanks for clarifying.

I’m not sure what to say about the situation. I’ve never seen anyone who has people who follow them and are protective, vehicles whisking them away due to impending danger, conflicting stories as to why. He was being protected from a threat of violence, but he was also an elected public official. It just doesn’t make sense.

I once had a bf who made up stories about how he was a gang member back home, when I met him in college. He thought he was impressing me with his tough, street smarts. None of it was true. He was just a rich kid sent out of state to a private university with an over-active imagination and low self esteem. But they were just stories, not anything I witnessed.

My worst fearful concern for your safety was that you might have gotten into a sex trafficking operation and could be a victim. But it looks like days have passed, you don’t feel threatened, and nothing bad has happened to you. I’m very glad for that.

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Default Jun 13, 2019 at 04:42 AM
  #38
So certainly not being trafficking that's for sure. We've spent days together where we've just been sat at home and not really doing much, as the weather is pretty poor we don't do much apart from watch movies and eat god awful food.

The impression I got about being whizzed away in the car was that someone was at that time possibly a danger, or could put him in danger. The people who take him places, and are looking over him always keep tabs on him, but from what I've learnt his past relationship was his first, and it was going well until she had an affair and he caught her. He suffers from Ptsd after a very serious set of incidents which he refers to as unfortunate events which if done differently, he would of changed.

A court order had declared that him and his ex partner must not have contact, however she is now dating the individual who arranged and set up my date 8 years ago. My reasoning behind us being taken away so quickly was possibly that she was there alongside her cronies and this could of possibly posed a legal complication or a threat to him. I know this entire relationship breakup has screwed him up, as he has scars from obvious self harm, many antipsychotic drugs and mood stabilisers, however he is being reviewed to reduce them soon as no relapse for 5 months.

I believe that the protection measures where there when we had our first few dates to protect him from possible setups or attacks by the other parties.

We met a really nice man who knew him well, and I had an insight of how his relations are built by businesses. He visits this business every few days, they always greet him in a forigen language and he responds, sounds like "peace upon you" or something like that. He often asks my date if he's working, how am I, he will overpay for the food, and he always tells me that being nice goes both ways. He supports their business and helps them with finances whilst they often send food at the end of the night to the shelter.

By now I'm faiy confident that nothing sinister is going on, and we've had no ordeals. He's planning to move closer to his new job within the security services soon which is ironically in my town, if he was too involved in organised crimes or some kind of syndicate then he wouldn't be able to leave it so easily, surely?

His guys have said that when we have nice weather, we will go on a picnic with him and his old lady and we can just focus on being normal, I guess.
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Default Jun 13, 2019 at 10:02 AM
  #39
I didnt read all the replies, so maybe i have missed some details. Average guy, body guards, people following? Maybe it’s the skeptic side of me, but i’m just having a difficult time believing this. What advice or support related to mental health are you asking for?
 
 
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Default Jun 13, 2019 at 10:23 AM
  #40
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I didnt read all the replies, so maybe i have missed some details. Average guy, body guards, people following? Maybe it’s the skeptic side of me, but i’m just having a difficult time believing this. What advice or support related to mental health are you asking for?
I'm not asking for anything mental health related.
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