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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 05:18 PM
  #1
At every job I've had plus my first time on campus, I've always had this one person I've either stalked and/or been obsessed with, for whatever reason. On campus, I stalked this girl bc I couldn't accept that she didn't wanna be friends, even though I already made plenty of friends left and right. Needless to say, they all stopped being my friends.

Same thing with my first time at McDonald's. Even though everyone else accepted me, I couldn't accept that one coworker didn't, so I constantly begged which was construed as harassment.

I then spent a total of 5.5 years at Crossmark where I distributed samples at Sam's Club and Walmart. I obsessed over my supervisor for my first 3.5 years. This time, the reason was different. It was bc she was really nice to me and I wanted to always be around her. She made me quit after 3.5 years and I returned for my final 2 years later on.

At Arby's, I finally had my car to myself. I worked there 2.5 years and I stalked my supervisor during my last few months. Again, it was bc my supervisor was really nice to me and liked me, just like at Crossmark. I wanted to be around her every possible moment. I drove myself to work on my days off every week just to see her. And I stayed on after my shift ended if she happened to still be working. She had me canned and i'm not allowed in the store.

Now i'm back at McDonald's and the reason for my obsession with my current supervisor (the general manager) is different from all other instances. It's bc he's sexy AF and I fantasize sometimes. I don't go in on my days off hardly ever. I also leave immediately after every shift. However, I talk about him more than about anyone else. I would also accuse him of being mad when he's not and cry and get jealous of other coworkers whenever I perceive him to "be mad."

This is the extent of it now, which is an improvement from b4, actually. Before, (like last year) I had once purred at him and told him it's my mating call. I also once asked him if I could wipe the sweat off of him. And when he shaved his head once, I admonished him that he should look nice for me. I addressed him as "homeboy" for a few months.

One of my hourly managers told me bluntly that I'm a creep and that he (the hourly manager) is feeling creeped out. That is without me treating him the way I treat the GM. And over the past several months, other coworkers brought this up to me on and off.

I don't wanna keep obsessing over ppl. However, it's so deeply ingrained that it's difficult to correct. I had suspected over the years that it's due to constantly being criticized by adults as a child and lack of other children wanting to associate with me. Now I'm firmly sure. I tried everything and nothing seems to work, not even my recent hypnotherapy. What can I do?
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 02:20 AM
  #2
Having ASD often makes it difficult to maintain proper relations with people. It can’t be easy. I commend you for trying to improve and for asking questions. What does your case manager/therapist say?

One of the strategies you could use is pause before you say things. It might appear strange to people that you make pauses in conversations but it’s better than purring at your boss or calling him homeboy
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 04:09 AM
  #3
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, ruby2011! Have you already tried therapy? I feel like that may be REALLY helpful to help you to deal with your insecurities especially since they date back from so long! I also completely agree with divine1966's wise and wonderful advice about waiting before saying anything and to make sure that you're not acting in a way that may be uncomfortable for others! Other than that, perhaps you could just try to be honest with you Supervisor and coworkers and tell them what the reason you're behaving this way is! Hopefully they'll understand what you mean and perhaps they'll even try to HELP YOU OUT! If you feel like they will understand, I'd say it's worth trying! Of course ALWAYS remember that we'll be here for you and WE'LL NEVER JUDGE YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Please keep us updated on your situation if you can and want to, ok? WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! I hope things will get better soon for you! WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AT WORK AND IN YOUR LIFE! Sending many AWESOME, kind, safe, sweet, warm, wise and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU, RUBY2011, JUST LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE!
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 01:13 PM
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It’s like I just now realized I’m a stalker despite doing it for the past 11 years. Before, it’s always the other person’s fault for rejecting me. Now various coworkers pointed it out to me the past several months but it’s when the hourly manager bluntly told me recently that I realized I’m a stalker.

The past 3 weeks, I would cry and accuse the GM of being pissed 😠 with me every other day. I perceived him to be ignoring me when he wasn’t. He might in fact be backing off a little bc I hit on him. I find him sexy and fantasize about dating him.

I don’t go in on my days off and I leave after my shift. It’s when I’m actually working that my obsession shows.
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 02:23 PM
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good that you realize the stalker mode thing. good you don't do it on your day off. now work on controlling it while working. you need to get your act together while working ...it sounds like coworkers are getting tired of it...maybe that's why the manager was angry the other day. people reach a point after a while.

focus on your work. the actual work skills. not the coworkers. don't interact unless you have to.
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 03:07 PM
  #6
Me, too. I would tell myself i was only joking-flirting, because sometimes the people were really bad matches for me, but pretty much they were never interested and it was always one-sided. Now it seems creepy to ME that i used to do that! But like you, i understand the reasons why i did.

One thing was, i didnt accept or understand that my family of origin really did not like me and were always looking and waiting for someone else to like me. So i was always looking too! Now i feel like i DO have people who know and understand me, and even like me a little just as i am, IRL and online, so i more sit back and see what people have to offer me, what THEY bring to the table. You have friends here too
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 05:04 PM
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hi Ruby, you have definitely made a lot of progress, which is great to see! I would also point out that your past overt flirtations with your boss could be perceived as sexual harassment potentially. I am glad you realize that you have been stalking different individuals in your workplaces, and that it needs to somehow cease and desist. I am glad you are no longer going into work on days off, or staying after your shift! That's great! Now you just need to stop all flirtations with your boss and be strictly professional.
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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 05:05 PM
  #8
Have you tried imaginary friends? I had a problem with parasocial relationships last year. I was able to correct a great deal of it by instead shifting my focus to an imaginary boyfriend and sort of getting what I needed ( feeling loved, having a healthy relationship, etc) and not attaching my need to a person who was out of reach.

Also, if you're not in therapy i recommend finding a therapist who specializes in your problem.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 01:13 AM
  #9
Some of that behavior could be misconstrued as sexual harrassment.

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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 05:31 AM
  #10
It does sound like you are making progress if you've stopped going in on your days off! Being aware of the problem is huge. I used to do that too and stopped and really don't like thinking about that part of my past It's a hard habit to break, but you can do it!
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Default Jun 19, 2019 at 11:46 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post

I don't wanna keep obsessing over ppl. However, it's so deeply ingrained that it's difficult to correct. I had suspected over the years that it's due to constantly being criticized by adults as a child and lack of other children wanting to associate with me. Now I'm firmly sure. I tried everything and nothing seems to work, not even my recent hypnotherapy. What can I do?
Thank you for being honest. I think that you will make a lot of progress in therapy since you are already self-aware.
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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 02:55 PM
  #12
Please be careful at work or you may potentially face a lawsuit or charges. Have you tried dating apps? Maybe you can find someone to focus your attention on that would appreciate it and give some of that attention back.

I agree with everyone else suggesting therapy. You can "fix" your relationship attachment style with other people through a client-therapy relationship.

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