Not accepting invitations if forced to be invited

Has anyone ever rejected an invitation from someone due to that person being forced to invite you? I believe when this happens, the invitation is not genuine since the only reason they invited you is because someone told them too. I've had this happen many times but the most recent I'll use as an example. I was at a friend's house for an event. After the event was over, her brother and his friends were heading out to his friend's house. I am not close to her brother, I know him but I'm not friends with him. And we are not friends with his friends. Well as they were heading out, my friend's mother told him he needs to invite me and my friend, which I found odd since we're all adults.

He invited us because my friend's mother told him to but we both declined. In situations like that, I believe people who are forced to invite you are only doing so out of obligation. Do you believe forced invites are genuine? Have you ever accepted an invitation that was forced? I feel like when this happens, the person who was forced to invite someone else is secretly hoping their invitation was turned down. If they really wanted someone to tag along, they would have invited the person without being told to do so. That's why I never accept forced invitations. Have you ever been forced to invite someone and secretly hope they decline? Just wondered.

I have pocket vitoed that kind of stuff. I changed the subject, or even left out. Now I simply say no thanks and leave it at that

Yeah same here. I don't like accepting forced invitations.

just say no. life's to short to go to places you don't want to go to with people you don't want to be with. other's will get over the no or they won't, either way, life goes on.

I'm a bit strange in that I don't invite people if I don't want to...even when others expect or suggest that I should. If I don't like being in someone's company, I don't bother unless I have to work with them for example. While I understand the concept of "all are invited" that's not my way. My stuff is invite-only. Similarly, if people I know don't invite me to something I don't think too long or hard about it. No harm, no foul. I received a fake, very late invite to a wedding once. I didn't go. I was judged for that by several in my circle but I didn't care. If you want me at your wedding, have the good manners to invite me when you send out initial invites...not to replace someone who bailed. I thought that was rude but I was deemed rude for declining. Ah well

Yep I know.

I totally agree with you. I am the same way. And with the wedding invite, yeah most likely you were only invited as a back up guest because someone bailed for some reason. I agree, if someone wants you at a wedding, then they will invite you when the initial invitations are sent. I don’t think you were rude to decline. If anything, the person sending the invitations was kind of rude. I would have declined as well.

I was raised you invite everyone or you invite no one at all. With that said though I realise that not everyone believes this so if I don't get invited it doesn't much matter. As for those invites you think weren't made so willingly, I sometimes feel more insulted at getting them than I would be had no invite come at all. The worst is when you are the second or last choice to be someone's "plus one". I think it perfectly okay to turn something like this down, you need not feel guilty.

I totally agree. I find it more insulting to receive a forced invite than no invite at all, especially if you're someone's back-up choice like you mentioned. I turn all invitations that are like that down.

I can see both sides on this. I'm invited to the wedding of a distant relative this summer and I'm pretty sure her parents told her to invite my side of the family. I don't mind because it gives me the chance to see people I wouldn't get the chance to see otherwise.

Yeah I can see how being invited somewhere, even if the invitation was forced, can allow you to meet other people. In some instances, like weddings, people are forced to invite others that they would normally not invite due to either not knowing them well or not really caring for the person. I know when I had my graduation party, I had to invite people I honestly didn't want to invite. Unfortunately it happens. Yeah most likely your distant relative's parents told her to invite you and your side of the family. It's very common.

Do I ever know this situation all too well. I actually had two weddings planned. I nixed the first one on account the planning being insisted upon by my future mother-in-law got ridiculously out of hand. By the time the numbers reached in excess of 415 I put my foot down and cancelled the damn thing. Most of those people represented her friends and family - people I had never met. It was all about appearances to her and out-doing everyone else. So, with her being unmoveable in her insistence about all of her must-have and must-do plans, I dropped the whole thing entirely. My fiance and I had to say we were calling it off in order for her to realise it was off. We then planned and carried out a small evening wedding with a social following that maybe had two dozen guests. The woman fumed at what she considered to be an embarassment. Too bad.

I guess what I am saying is never do something someone else is pressuring you to do and that goes for inviting including other people in those things important to you. Yeah I mentioned invite everyone or no one but there are times such as above that that becomes ridiculous.

Personally, I don't think anyone should be forcing anyone to invite people to anything...weddings or otherwise. It's a boundary issue. An invitation should be freely offered, not coerced. Same idea with gifts.

Wow, 415 people is way too many. I couldn't do that, and I wouldn't want to attend a wedding that was that big. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I'm glad you got to have a small wedding with just those you wanted. I don't plan on getting married but if I did, I would either want no wedding at all or a very small one with less than 50 people there. Yeah sometimes you just need to put your foot down, which I should have done in the past.

Totally agree.

That's why wedding registries, bridal showers, and baby showers bother me. Commercialism and materialism taking over. Spending money on others is mandated. When I got married, I didn't have a registry or a shower and everyone thought I was crazy....I wanted folks' company...not their money. I was even invited to one wedding where the invitation said: "no gifts please, money would be preferred." Tacky to the nth! My former therapist (a wife and mother) is the only woman I've met who agreed with me: "Oh yes, the wedding industry in the U.S. is disgusting...it has nothing to do with love or marriage."

I agree. It is all about money nowadays.

Thank you. Some people assume you're anti-marriage or babies when you say things like that. I'm not. And I actually do enjoy celebrating others' milestones and even giving gifts....but it should be in my own way in my own time....not mandated....that's not a true gift then. I was reminded of it when you mentioned forced invitations.

Yep exactly, if it's forced, then it's not genuine. Just like how I mentioned that forced invitations are not genuine. Some people may think they are but I don't. If someone genuinely wants to invite you, or in your case, giving gifts, then it will not be forced since no one will be telling that person to do so.

Exactly! We had a thing at work once....our boss was pregnant and a highly sycophantic co-worker wanted us all to buy baby gifts for her for a work-type baby shower. Now, in some situations that might be just fine. But our boss was very disrespectful to all of us....a miserable control-freak. Although I wished her and her baby well, I had no desire to spend some of my hard-earned money buying her a gift. So I respectfully did not participate. I didn't make a show of it and the boss didn't even notice but I received plenty of judgment from a few colleagues. Colleagues who, interestingly, complained about our boss every day at work both during her pregnancy and afterward. So the whole thing was very odd to me. Now, if they wanted to buy her gifts, that is no problem....I respect other people's choices. And I personally did not want to and that was my choice. I don't give gifts to people I do not respect. it's fairly simple. And it annoyed me that I had to deal with such silly "shower" antics in a professional setting as well as in my social life.