Starting a real relationship

Well, she actually showed up. It was a wonderful visit.

We stayed busy going out to swim, shop, the theater, ride bikes, walk, go to parks, stay home and work around the house. She actually insisted with helping with my garden. She even came to my physical and dental appointments to hold my hand through it.

I was worried about a lot of things, especially that she would be disappointed in me and that I would tire of being with someone all of the time for 2 weeks since I am an introvert. Neither happened. We are now very close and I never got overwhelmed.

One day, my seizure activity was a little bad so we did nothing but she laid next to me all day and didn't complain. It did make her worry that I was having trouble getting out of bed for most of the time. I was so worried that it would scare her away but she was simply concerned that she really did care about me.

The last couple of days before she left was a little tough as she would cry a lot and her visa was stamped to be able to stay until January and she was talking about it and sometimes wishes she had but I think it is best. A fairly short initial visit and now we can talk seriously about our future. I would hate that she stayed and lost her job because of it and in a month started to regret it.

It has been so hard since she left but I am getting back to normal. It triggered my depression and anxiety so badly, it has been difficult to cope with for a few days.

It felt like we had been together forever yet there was still the excitement of a new relationship. The situation is complicated but I now have zero doubts about her and us. I have no doubt we were made for each other.

She is everything she showed herself to be in the past 9 months

I am so glad we both took the risk. It is a weird feeling to know that someone truly cares about me. It still bothers me a little that she is very attracted to me, that part still feels unreal but maybe that is an artifact of being alone for an extreme amount of time.

MDD with Psychotic Features, Dysthymia, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - Not taking any meds

These are great news!!! If she is to move to the US would her ex husband allow her to take the kid? What’s next in your mutual plans?

That is the big issue.

She thinks he would not out of spite but he is incapable of taking care of himself much less a rambunctious 6 year old. She had her mom look after him while she was here.

She wants to come with or without him but also knows she could not without him. I guess her coming alone initially to wait for him to give permission is a possibility but would be hard on both of them.

What might work is the idea of him going to school here, they have been discussing sending him outside of Russia to school, especially an English speaking school and there is a program here in the public schools for immigrant kids that help teach them English while keeping up with their other studies in their native language. They do have teachers in the program fluent in Russian.

He starts first grade in the fall and wants to wait a little to see how he does and try to sort out her feelings. We are planning another meeting in the Spring or next Summer but maybe this fall she will ask me to start the K1 visa process.

The other issue is a job for her and I need to do research. She thinks the accounting principles she learned are different than in the US and certainly, tax procedures are very different so is concerned about getting a reasonably paying job.

I try to remind myself we are still new in the relationship but I seem to be in a panic because of my age, which is goofy, I know. I don't have any doubts about who she is, her intentions or if we fit well together.

What makes me sure is that she has a lot of stress in Russia and I was able to erase it all with my calm but boring life. That seems like a good sign.

MDD with Psychotic Features, Dysthymia, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - Not taking any meds

I’d not worry about 6 year old learning English. He’ll learn in no time. Yes he’ll receive ESL services as every immigrant child has those available, but typically kids that young don’t need it for too long. And I’d not worry about Russian speaking teachers. It’s actually easier to become fluent in English without relying on a native language. She’ll eventually be able to work and will just have to adjust. I’d not worry about any of it. I’d only worry about father not giving permission. No I’d not move here without her child. I’d probably start a discussion with the father (if he is involved). Good luck

I agree. She would miss her child which would eventally damage the relationship.

I am glad the visit worked out. When I came to PC in 2016, I was just emerging from serious depression and posted in the depression forum (Mysterious ). I remember how lonely and depressed you were. I have to give her credit for bringing you out of much of it. It's good to see you happy so whether it works out as you hope or not--I think this experience has been good for you.

I hope it works out. It works for many. But immigration isn’t a walk in the park. Many things need to be taken in consideration especially with a young child. But I don’t see why it can’t work. It can. I would discuss with kids father arrangements with visitations like summer breaks and Christmas breaks etc I’d not ambush him that he won’t see his child. I’d discuss possible arrangements.

I remember you Myst

Thank you

MDD with Psychotic Features, Dysthymia, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - Not taking any meds