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Catrionn
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 07:02 PM
  #1
I started feeling anxiety again while I was visiting my aunt. I think that’s because I tried to talk to her about my anxiety, and my fear of losing my mind - and she just doesn’t get it. Silly me for thinking she would.

Don’t get me wrong - she and my uncle were very kind to me. But I just got reminded - again - that so very few people understand what happens to people like us. What our own minds do to us.

People who care about us *want* us to be OK - so they try to convince us that we don’t have a problem; we’re not really going crazy; that what we’re feeling is normal. But that attitude is scary to me. It’s like they’re saying, “We want you to be OK, so you *are* OK. Take our word for it, over your own feelings.”

So in the car on the way home, I had an anxious meltdown. Because I was driving, I didn’t want to take any Ativan.

My stomach was a little upset; but when I got home, my bf had ordered us a pizza for dinner, with my favorite toppings. So I ate a piece anyway. I have a headache, too. I think I’m going to wait about another 30 minutes for my stomach and my head to feel better, and then take an Ativan.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 07:09 PM
  #2
I know what that's like, my parents don't get it either. I try not to look too miserable in front of my mum, otherwise she'll feel compelled to 'fix' it. My dad is dismissive, unsympathetic and doesn't care about my mental health at all. I don't like stuffing my mental illness under the rug for the comfort of others, but I do that a lot.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 01:12 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Catrionn View Post
I started feeling anxiety again while I was visiting my aunt. I think that’s because I tried to talk to her about my anxiety, and my fear of losing my mind - and she just doesn’t get it. Silly me for thinking she would.

Don’t get me wrong - she and my uncle were very kind to me. But I just got reminded - again - that so very few people understand what happens to people like us. What our own minds do to us.

People who care about us *want* us to be OK - so they try to convince us that we don’t have a problem; we’re not really going crazy; that what we’re feeling is normal. But that attitude is scary to me. It’s like they’re saying, “We want you to be OK, so you *are* OK. Take our word for it, over your own feelings.”

So in the car on the way home, I had an anxious meltdown. Because I was driving, I didn’t want to take any Ativan.

My stomach was a little upset; but when I got home, my bf had ordered us a pizza for dinner, with my favorite toppings. So I ate a piece anyway. I have a headache, too. I think I’m going to wait about another 30 minutes for my stomach and my head to feel better, and then take an Ativan.
So sorry you're struggling Catrionn. I live with depression and anxiety myself. You have my empathy. Very smart btw to not take your ativan while driving....even though you were very anxious, you exercised good judgment....give yourself some credit!

Personally, I have never met a crazy person. And I've never met a normal person. I've met traumatized people, people struggling with atypical ideas and beliefs, deeply sad people, frightened people....and many more. But I just never thought of them as crazy. And I do hear a lot of talk about normal people but I have never met one. if they are out there in the world, I wonder why I don't run into them. Maybe they see me coming and head for the hills???

At my last three workplaces, I could silently walk around and see the various mental health challenges of my colleagues (whether diagnosed or not)....things they may or may not be aware of...but I could see it...sometimes felt it.

One thing I've noticed is that the people who sort of shut you down most during a mental health discussion....maybe they are rude or dismissive...trying to convince you that you're "fine" .....well those are typically the people who are really struggling with their own mental health issue but they have buried it, denied it, told themselves everything is "fine." So they don't want to be reminded that sometimes things are far from fine. You see what I mean? When someone is dismissing your pain, they are likely dismissing their own pain. Truly, I've seen it over and over again. And we can't blame them, right? It's awful tough to be a human. Life is often so confusing and erratic and...well....it just really hurts a lot of the time. They are hurt too. Trust me. They don't want to deal with that hurt so they push it away. And they want you to do the same.

What's the answer? Talk to professionals (the good and kind sort) and people who are comfortable in their own skin. I am diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder. I'm not ashamed but I am VERY selective about who I share that info with in the offline world. I don't consider myself "abnormal." My body, mind, and spirit have just responded naturally to abuse and trauma. That's okay. If folks want to deem me "abnormal" that's okay too. Because I know who I am. I know my truth. And once in a while, I meet another human who is not ashamed either...not on a quest for perceived normalcy....and so we have a nice chat or even a few laughs.

I recommend that you don't continue turning to people who are in denial and want you to be in denial too. Of course that is frustrating (or maybe even infuriating) and alienating for you. I've been there too. There's no peace in it. Mix it up now. Talk to different people. If there's nobody, come back here and tell PC folks. Or pick up your phone and call a crisis line. Those folks have heard it all. They don't shock easily and they won't shut you down. They are open to hearing your suffering. I realize that open acceptance from a close friend or family member would be ideal but when you don't have that there are other options. And who knows what the future will bring you? New friends? New opportunities?

Breathe. Breathe again. Slowly and deeply. It's okay to feel anxious. You aren't crazy. Body is sending you a message for help to return to center. That's a good thing. Meditation really helps me. I'm happy to send you links if you're interested. I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future You deserve it!

Ps. if you ever meet a normal person please introduce them to me because I have SO many questions for them
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 04:47 AM
  #4
Hugs.

I’ll tell you that many people are very ignorant about mental health. They don’t have to have mental health diagnosis to be understanding, they just have to get educated on the matter.

I don't think one needs to be a doctor to understand that one can’t walk on a broken leg so one doesn’t need to be a doctor to understand that one can’t just snap out of depression and anxiety. Unfortunately many don’t want to educate themselves.

It’s not your job to educate them but maybe when they bug you about snapping out of it or your concerns aren’t real, you could tell them that you have a specific diagnosis and what you feel isn’t a choice and maybe they should read up on it. Well, they might not. But the ball is in their court now.

I am glad to hear you have supportive partner.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 04:50 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Catrionn View Post
I started feeling anxiety again while I was visiting my aunt. I think that’s because I tried to talk to her about my anxiety, and my fear of losing my mind - and she just doesn’t get it. Silly me for thinking she would.
I get it. I understand because this is EXACTLY how I feel; like I'm losing my mind.

Your post out tears in my eyes I could have written it myself.

When I have people close to me that I want to tell and I do (start to) they just don't have a clue and that's not their fault. Sure, they could do with educating I believe that everyone should be educated about the implications of a mental health disorder but I feel like I'm just screaming so loud in my head wishing that whatever I say to them they just hug me and tell me that I'll be ok and that they will support me however I need them to.

I've learnt that when I have a bad anxiety attack I need to just be on my own. No people, no phone, no internet.

A little while back I had a really bad time. My anxiety was 100% I was shaking, hyperventilating wanting to scream and cry. I had to take my kids to my parents. Told mum I was sick, she knew something was up when she saw me but didn't really say much. I took 2 hours down time for myself and felt better for it. That made me realize what I need to do FOR ME if my world implodes

Hugs to you, you're not alone
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 04:52 PM
  #6
And yes I feel the headaches too
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Default Jun 19, 2019 at 05:20 PM
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