advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 07:39 AM
  #1
I need your opinion please. Any input is more than welcome...

So theres a guy (colleague of mine) i like and i think he likes me back but since im IP, at the moment, we only communicate through texts. And its through texts that we both dared to say we care about each other a lot. There was nothing said before these texts.
He doesnt know im IP or about any other issue.
We should meet on wed if they let me out
But im afraid of explaining him this long sick leave (2 weeks).
So i started giving him hints.
Am i trying to sabotage it all before it starts as i always do, or is it wise of me to warn him a little bit i may be difficult and with some issues?
Is it right or wrong? Am i slowly and carefully trying to informe him or am i sabotaging it all because im scared?
What am i doing?
What do i do now? How do i proceed?

Im afraid that only hearing the word "depression" will scare him away! But i feel i must say it to tell him.the truth...

HELP PLEASE, I KNOW I DONT DESERVE IT BUT IM BEGGING YOU...

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom

Last edited by sinking; Jun 17, 2019 at 08:05 AM..
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 09:23 AM
  #2
Are you looking for a serious relationship with this person? I dont know if I personally would do that having been inpatient but if you are then it might as well come out naturally. Maybe not through texts but during in person conversation.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, saidso, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 12:36 PM
  #3
Thank you for answering, but please forgive me, im not sure what you mean or what you're suggesting...

I was planning on telling him about my depression when i get out and we'll meet for a lunch together. But im not sure its ok or how much is right to tell....

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 02:07 PM
  #4
Your concerns are valid, sinking! Perhaps telling him right out of the blue is not the wisest choice. I'd suggest to start talk about yourself gradually. You can decide yourself where to start from. You can make up some excuse for your absence at the beginning, by saying that you've been "sick" or anything similar and start to see how things are going for you. If you feel comfortable around him and it seems like a trustworthy person you can start revealing some of these things to him. I'd say that's the best thing to do in my opinion. However perhaps you'll feel comfortable by being honest from the beginning! Whathever works for you! Just start to reveal bits and pieces here and there. If he truly cares, he'll stick by your side and will accept you for who you are! If he doesn't, no harm done. At least you were honest and it didn't become anything too serious. Let us know how it goes! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, sinking, my dear, sweet friend!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
sinking
 
Thanks for this!
sinking
Iloivar
Member
Iloivar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 210
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 03:31 PM
  #5
I would say it's considerate of you to tell him of your mental health issues now. If he's scared away by that, then you arguably fastforwarded what was inevitably going to happen if you weren't to say anything. Saving yourself and him of a prolonged and probably worse heartbreak.

That being said, since im basically agreeing with you, I think it's good to see more contrary perspectives before you make your decision.
Iloivar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
Bill3
Legendary
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
15 yr Member
24.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 17, 2019 at 05:00 PM
  #6
I myself would not reveal my mental health issues on a first meeting/date.

I personally consider it to be oversharing in that initial setting, and not (yet) any of their business.

A statement such as "I was unwell but I'm feeling better now" is the truth.

Ymmv.
Bill3 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 03:30 AM
  #7
Thank you. We will probably meet tomorrow, i guess I'll see in the moment what feels right or wrong to reveal. I just hope i dont make a mess and ruin it all before starting, but there are no rules to follow in situations like this, so we'll see...
Thank you for your answers, thry helped a lot.

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
Anonymous40643
Guest
Anonymous40643 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 05:27 AM
  #8
I disagree. If you were just inpatient I would be immediately upfront about it with him. It is not fair to him to not reveal that right away. And what if your relapse or have trouble after you're out. I say full disclosure is best in this case.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 05:33 AM
  #9
I think I'll tell him something like "i suffer from depression, im taking meds for it but i needed them to be changed so i went IP so that they could check it out."

This is true but not giving too much info. I think its the best solution.

What do you think?

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous40643
Guest
Anonymous40643 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 05:42 AM
  #10
I wonder why you're choosing to get involved with someone right in the middle or after an inpatient episode? It's not the best time to try and date, I hate to say it, but I am being honest. People don't go inpatient for two weeks just to get their meds checked. Usually, it's because of a severe depressive episode, and often involving suicidal ideation. Is that why you were inpatient?

I still think full disclosure is best. It gives him the option to choose if he wants to proceed with you under these circumstances. Otherwise, given the above solution, you're watering down and downplaying the full truth, aren't you? Then if he finds out later, he will feel you hid it from him and were not entirely honest, and it could ruin it anyways. I personally wouldn't even date, but that's just my two cents. It's entirely up to you!
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
Iloivar, MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 06:09 AM
  #11
Yes, you are right about everything you said. The reason i was IP for included.

Im not planning on hiding it all forever if things keep going on between us, but i think full disclosure at the first "date" (its just lunch break spent together) would be too much for both of us.

Im choosing to start seeing him out of workplace because i like him, he makes me feel well and he gives me some hope. And since it all started from him, i think its worth giving it a try...

I may be wrong, but i feel i need to give it a chance...

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
Anonymous40643
Guest
Anonymous40643 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 06:12 AM
  #12
Just be careful, for your own sake and his. This sounds like a set up for emotional dependency on your end. You have to feel mentally and emotionally well & stable all on your own, and not because someone else makes you feel that way. I smell trouble with this, but it's your decision to date right after getting out of inpatient, which I think is against better judgement. But the point of your post was about disclosure. I do hope you disclose the full truth sooner than later.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
Iloivar, MickeyCheeky, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 06:28 AM
  #13
Golden eve, i completely agree with what you're saying. Thank you so much for being honest with me and warning me pointing things out and helping me keeping my eyes wide open. I'll be careful. I dont want to hurt him in any way. I'll be careful, i promise.

I think I'll have a better idea on how to proceed after we see each other tomorrow. It could also be we dont like each other and thats that. Who knows? I just feel i need to give it a chance. Thats all. But I'll be careful. I will.

And i dont have a dependent personality. Actually all the other relationships i had ended because i was too independent. This one wont be different just because AT THE MOMENT im more fragile than usual....

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40643, Bill3, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous40643
Guest
Anonymous40643 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 07:23 AM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking View Post
Golden eve, i completely agree with what you're saying. Thank you so much for being honest with me and warning me pointing things out and helping me keeping my eyes wide open. I'll be careful. I dont want to hurt him in any way. I'll be careful, i promise.

I think I'll have a better idea on how to proceed after we see each other tomorrow. It could also be we dont like each other and thats that. Who knows? I just feel i need to give it a chance. Thats all. But I'll be careful. I will.

And i dont have a dependent personality. Actually all the other relationships i had ended because i was too independent. This one wont be different just because AT THE MOMENT im more fragile than usual....
Hugs to you! I hope it all goes well for you.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,298 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 19, 2019 at 05:48 PM
  #15
(((((((((( Sinking ))))))))))

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40643, MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 20, 2019 at 04:33 AM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking View Post
Golden eve, i completely agree with what you're saying. Thank you so much for being honest with me and warning me pointing things out and helping me keeping my eyes wide open. I'll be careful. I dont want to hurt him in any way. I'll be careful, i promise.

I wanted to be more honest with you but I didn’t want to upset you or make you feel like your judgement is poor. I really feel like you should hold back of off on a romantic relationship for now. I think coming from the intensity of an inpatient stay and the reasons you went there might make you

Quote:
And i dont have a dependent personality. Actually all the other relationships i had ended because i was too independent. This one wont be different just because AT THE MOMENT im more fragile than usual....
I don’t mean to say that this relationship is doomed and being independent is a good thing. My experience with inpatient was that I also was fragile and vulnerable when I came out. I don’t think allowing my feelings and emotions getting wrapped up would have been healthy. But I am not saying you will get wrapped up or lose control I am just urging you to be cautious and make sure you are friends first.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sinking
sinking
Grand Poohbah
sinking has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
Posts: 1,709
10 yr Member
1,218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 20, 2019 at 11:41 AM
  #17
I really appreciate everyone's concerns. they help me keeping things in perspective. THANK YOU FOR CARING!

i know its not a good idea to start a relationship while being this vulnerable but im not really starting a romantic relationship yet. i am starting a friendship. if then things will evolve in something romantic its ok, if not i'll be glad to have a new friend. im not rushing things, i do not want him as a bf at any cost. im just truly finding myself well while with him and i just would like to keep this going. where it will lead, i dont know…

i was only concerned i was subconsciously pushing him away scaring him away mentioning depression instead of keeping him close, because i really like this guy. and i dont want to push him away. im not really sure what i want from it or what i expect to happen. im just enjoying seeing him as a friend and more than just a colleague. if it becomes romantic then i'll really need some help.

for now things are cleared, we admitted to each other we have suffered from depression and have been at the mental health center and instead of scaring me or of scaring him we agreed that its the bad side of very sensitive people (and HE said it, making it look like a positive quality instead of a flaw).

with time we'll see what happens. am i being reasonable here???

__________________
* Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads
* Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom
sinking is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, MickeyCheeky
Iloivar
Member
Iloivar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 210
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jun 20, 2019 at 11:59 AM
  #18
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking View Post
I really appreciate everyone's concerns. they help me keeping things in perspective. THANK YOU FOR CARING!

i know its not a good idea to start a relationship while being this vulnerable but im not really starting a romantic relationship yet. i am starting a friendship. if then things will evolve in something romantic its ok, if not i'll be glad to have a new friend. im not rushing things, i do not want him as a bf at any cost. im just truly finding myself well while with him and i just would like to keep this going. where it will lead, i dont know…

i was only concerned i was subconsciously pushing him away scaring him away mentioning depression instead of keeping him close, because i really like this guy. and i dont want to push him away. im not really sure what i want from it or what i expect to happen. im just enjoying seeing him as a friend and more than just a colleague. if it becomes romantic then i'll really need some help.

for now things are cleared, we admitted to each other we have suffered from depression and have been at the mental health center and instead of scaring me or of scaring him we agreed that its the bad side of very sensitive people (and HE said it, making it look like a positive quality instead of a flaw).

with time we'll see what happens. am i being reasonable here???
Imo

You have both consented to a friendship in spite of admittance to each of your mental health issues.

If the time comes you develop romantic feelings and/or have an urge to act on them. That can be addressed. For now, enjoy yourself and this friendship.
Iloivar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, sinking
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, MickeyCheeky, sinking
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:30 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.