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Grand Poohbah
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#1
I need your opinion please. Any input is more than welcome...
So theres a guy (colleague of mine) i like and i think he likes me back but since im IP, at the moment, we only communicate through texts. And its through texts that we both dared to say we care about each other a lot. There was nothing said before these texts. He doesnt know im IP or about any other issue. We should meet on wed if they let me out But im afraid of explaining him this long sick leave (2 weeks). So i started giving him hints. Am i trying to sabotage it all before it starts as i always do, or is it wise of me to warn him a little bit i may be difficult and with some issues? Is it right or wrong? Am i slowly and carefully trying to informe him or am i sabotaging it all because im scared? What am i doing? What do i do now? How do i proceed? Im afraid that only hearing the word "depression" will scare him away! But i feel i must say it to tell him.the truth... HELP PLEASE, I KNOW I DONT DESERVE IT BUT IM BEGGING YOU... __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom Last edited by sinking; Jun 17, 2019 at 08:05 AM.. |
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#2
Are you looking for a serious relationship with this person? I dont know if I personally would do that having been inpatient but if you are then it might as well come out naturally. Maybe not through texts but during in person conversation.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Grand Poohbah
sinking
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#3
Thank you for answering, but please forgive me, im not sure what you mean or what you're suggesting...
I was planning on telling him about my depression when i get out and we'll meet for a lunch together. But im not sure its ok or how much is right to tell.... __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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MickeyCheeky
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#4
Your concerns are valid, sinking! Perhaps telling him right out of the blue is not the wisest choice. I'd suggest to start talk about yourself gradually. You can decide yourself where to start from. You can make up some excuse for your absence at the beginning, by saying that you've been "sick" or anything similar and start to see how things are going for you. If you feel comfortable around him and it seems like a trustworthy person you can start revealing some of these things to him. I'd say that's the best thing to do in my opinion. However perhaps you'll feel comfortable by being honest from the beginning! Whathever works for you! Just start to reveal bits and pieces here and there. If he truly cares, he'll stick by your side and will accept you for who you are! If he doesn't, no harm done. At least you were honest and it didn't become anything too serious. Let us know how it goes! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, sinking, my dear, sweet friend!
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Iloivar
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#5
I would say it's considerate of you to tell him of your mental health issues now. If he's scared away by that, then you arguably fastforwarded what was inevitably going to happen if you weren't to say anything. Saving yourself and him of a prolonged and probably worse heartbreak.
That being said, since im basically agreeing with you, I think it's good to see more contrary perspectives before you make your decision. |
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Bill3
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#6
I myself would not reveal my mental health issues on a first meeting/date.
I personally consider it to be oversharing in that initial setting, and not (yet) any of their business. A statement such as "I was unwell but I'm feeling better now" is the truth. Ymmv. |
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Grand Poohbah
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#7
Thank you. We will probably meet tomorrow, i guess I'll see in the moment what feels right or wrong to reveal. I just hope i dont make a mess and ruin it all before starting, but there are no rules to follow in situations like this, so we'll see...
Thank you for your answers, thry helped a lot. __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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#8
I disagree. If you were just inpatient I would be immediately upfront about it with him. It is not fair to him to not reveal that right away. And what if your relapse or have trouble after you're out. I say full disclosure is best in this case.
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Grand Poohbah
sinking
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#9
I think I'll tell him something like "i suffer from depression, im taking meds for it but i needed them to be changed so i went IP so that they could check it out."
This is true but not giving too much info. I think its the best solution. What do you think? __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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#10
I wonder why you're choosing to get involved with someone right in the middle or after an inpatient episode? It's not the best time to try and date, I hate to say it, but I am being honest. People don't go inpatient for two weeks just to get their meds checked. Usually, it's because of a severe depressive episode, and often involving suicidal ideation. Is that why you were inpatient?
I still think full disclosure is best. It gives him the option to choose if he wants to proceed with you under these circumstances. Otherwise, given the above solution, you're watering down and downplaying the full truth, aren't you? Then if he finds out later, he will feel you hid it from him and were not entirely honest, and it could ruin it anyways. I personally wouldn't even date, but that's just my two cents. It's entirely up to you! |
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Grand Poohbah
sinking
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#11
Yes, you are right about everything you said. The reason i was IP for included.
Im not planning on hiding it all forever if things keep going on between us, but i think full disclosure at the first "date" (its just lunch break spent together) would be too much for both of us. Im choosing to start seeing him out of workplace because i like him, he makes me feel well and he gives me some hope. And since it all started from him, i think its worth giving it a try... I may be wrong, but i feel i need to give it a chance... __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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#12
Just be careful, for your own sake and his. This sounds like a set up for emotional dependency on your end. You have to feel mentally and emotionally well & stable all on your own, and not because someone else makes you feel that way. I smell trouble with this, but it's your decision to date right after getting out of inpatient, which I think is against better judgement. But the point of your post was about disclosure. I do hope you disclose the full truth sooner than later.
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Grand Poohbah
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#13
Golden eve, i completely agree with what you're saying. Thank you so much for being honest with me and warning me pointing things out and helping me keeping my eyes wide open. I'll be careful. I dont want to hurt him in any way. I'll be careful, i promise.
I think I'll have a better idea on how to proceed after we see each other tomorrow. It could also be we dont like each other and thats that. Who knows? I just feel i need to give it a chance. Thats all. But I'll be careful. I will. And i dont have a dependent personality. Actually all the other relationships i had ended because i was too independent. This one wont be different just because AT THE MOMENT im more fragile than usual.... __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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#14
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#15
(((((((((( Sinking ))))))))))
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sarahsweets
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#16
Quote:
Quote:
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Grand Poohbah
sinking
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Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Italy - but living in my head
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#17
I really appreciate everyone's concerns. they help me keeping things in perspective. THANK YOU FOR CARING!
i know its not a good idea to start a relationship while being this vulnerable but im not really starting a romantic relationship yet. i am starting a friendship. if then things will evolve in something romantic its ok, if not i'll be glad to have a new friend. im not rushing things, i do not want him as a bf at any cost. im just truly finding myself well while with him and i just would like to keep this going. where it will lead, i dont know… i was only concerned i was subconsciously pushing him away scaring him away mentioning depression instead of keeping him close, because i really like this guy. and i dont want to push him away. im not really sure what i want from it or what i expect to happen. im just enjoying seeing him as a friend and more than just a colleague. if it becomes romantic then i'll really need some help. for now things are cleared, we admitted to each other we have suffered from depression and have been at the mental health center and instead of scaring me or of scaring him we agreed that its the bad side of very sensitive people (and HE said it, making it look like a positive quality instead of a flaw). with time we'll see what happens. am i being reasonable here??? __________________ * Heaven is a place where Nothing Ever Happens - "Heaven" by Talking Heads * Death ends a life, Not a Relationship - Mitch Albom |
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Iloivar
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#18
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You have both consented to a friendship in spite of admittance to each of your mental health issues. If the time comes you develop romantic feelings and/or have an urge to act on them. That can be addressed. For now, enjoy yourself and this friendship. |
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