FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#41
Thank you Eskie. I agree, it’s an interesting thread.
Thanks for sharing your truth Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#42
PS Eskie, my mind is elsewhere right now, I’ll reply more later
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
eskielover
|
eskielover
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,193
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,873 hugs
given |
#43
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#44
Quote:
Thank you TishaBuv Ah yes. Verbal abuse to encourage the daughter to be a stronger person. Very familiar to me. And yet the “bully” was me. And the analogy of throwing the young bird out of the nest was also used. - yes that yawn is not complimentary to the cliched “wisdom” of the PUS If we have something they want, some of them may fake it. __________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
TishaBuv
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#45
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,761
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.6k hugs
given |
#46
I also think it is VERY IMPORTANT to define our terms in the way psychology defines them (sympathy, empathy, compassion, etc). That way we are all on the same page in our discussions.
Empathy Vs Sympathy | Psychology Today __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear
|
Fuzzybear
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,117
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.3k hugs
given |
#47
Fuzzybear, it was not my intention to have your thread suddenly get taken over by a debate about a bird. I was really trying to focus more on the fact that there will be things you value, things you care about that others will not value or care about and can even think you are stupid to care too. People can and often do think it's ok to invade your boundaries and try to tell you how what you feel is important or valueable should not have the value you place on whatever it is.
There are people that can only see value or importance in things THEY feel are important and worthy of respect, or "no it's this" when it's not. My daughter loves horses and riding and competing. I supported that, but what I did not like about that world was how there was too much focus on winning and it was addictive and some parents put so much pressure on the trainer and their own child needing their child to be this star rider and win otherwise the money they spent which it IS expensive is wasted. I noticed that everything was about competing and winning and the horses often would get sore and experience injuries, should be put on rest but often were just drugged up because the showing became more important. I have seen horses not be kept fit where they were on a schedule to maintain their muscles and physical fitness expected to JUST go out and perform and do anyway. I have seen children develop attitudes where if other children were not winners they were losers and don't deserve respect. I have seen people make plans, work very hard and build a house, yet they were treated like they did not deserve respect because their house wasn't big enough or did not fit into what other's considered was nice or valueable. There are lots of children that grow up in homes who are invisible to the parent or parents because that parent is ALL ABOUT THEMSELVES. Or a child is abused and treated badly because the parent isn't happy and the child ends up getting messages that it's their fault or how they are the reason the parent is unhappy. There are lots of people that due to how they grew up have no idea WHAT a normal healthy relationship is supposed to be like too. There are people who have no idea WHAT it feels like to experience someone who CARES. If no one cared, which sadly does happen way more than it should, anyone can begin to believe they don't deserve to be cared about and respected. And there are lots of people who never learned how to respect another person and what they care about and what is important to them. The attitude I got that day with that bird was that I was stupid to care. I did not seem to get that across when I talked about it. "Oh, that's stupid OE, it's just a bird what should you CARE? that's not important". And YES, there were individuals who said that to me. YET, it's these same individuals who envied my daughter who's horse knew her car and ran to the gate and got all excited about seeing her arrive. "How come MY horse doesn't do that with me like her's does for her?". All her horses were like that with her. Even a horse knows the difference between a caring presence and a presence that just grabs them to use them. Empathy can come from knowing how challenging something can be and instead of only caring about some kind of perfection or what YOU consider having value is being able to see a challenge in another human being or even animal for that matter and be able to respect what that person did to overcome whatever challenges they faced. Fuzzy, you have gained a lot of ground, you found your voice and that took a lot of effort on your part. Unfortunately, there will be those people that don't have the capacity to respect that about you and will instead look to FAULT you according to what THEY feel is important or of value. You had a very difficult childhood, you had to figure out how to survive it and part of that included staying quiet. So for you, finding your voice is significant. However, you will still encounter people who will be critical of you because you failed to say something or respond in a way they decide isn't good enough. It can be a challenge, I know that oh so well myself. There are lots of people who don't even KNOW they are invading your boundaries when they do that either. Sometimes I can get triggered because of how my father constantly interputed me and corrected everything I uttered. After all, I was not talking the way HE needed me to and even when I tried my hardest to say something right HE STILL INTERUPTED ME and told me to use different words. It took me YEARS to recover from the damage he did when my little brain was just trying to figure out how to navigate language. So, I empathize how much it's taken for you to find YOUR voice too. I respect the time and work it took for you too. Unfortunately Fuzzy, lots of people wont care, things will always need to be valued in how they see things and need things to be. And some can be very rude about it too, and that can be triggering enough to want to run back to your cave. I know how that feels myself. Yet, I continue to try to step out of my cave and engage despite the different intrusions I encounter. Since I developed ptsd though, it's a lot more work for me to do so than it used to be. |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear
|
Fuzzybear
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#48
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#49
Thank you OE
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Open Eyes
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#50
Create a story. I don't mean "lie," but take a real situation and craft it into an engaging narrative with characters and meaning. A non-fiction story, if you will.
If the average writer can get someone to cry over a completely made-up character, then you can convince someone to care about ... anything. It doesn't really matter. |
Reply With Quote |
TishaBuv
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#51
Quote:
Thank you TishaBuv for asking the question. __________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
TishaBuv
|
Reply |
|