I’m done with.........

I’m done with being treated like a doormat.

The next person who tries to treat me like **** ........

Will get my door slammed in their face.



(Not about anyone on pc)

I'll lock the door for you once you've slammed it to make sure that they stay out.

My daughter loved riding horses and was very good at it. I worked hard so I could support her riding and learning how to care for and ride ponies and horses. She kept her horse at a riding stable where she met others who loved horses and riding. One day I took her to this barn so she could ride in a lesson and I noticed a little bird hanging upside down up high up and this little bird was trying very hard to break free from the long tail hair that was hanging there that he got tangled up in. Birds make their nests and like to use horse hair and pieces of hay and stuff they find on the floor, it's actually very interesting how they work around people and look for things they can build their nests with.

Anyway, this poor little bird was trying so hard to break free from that long horse hair and I noticed it and it was too high for me to immediately do something, I am the type that wants to do something when I see something struggling be it animals or people. My daughter saw it too, but knew her mom would find a way to help it. Different mothers and students came in and I paid attention to how they reacted to this small creature struggling for it's life. To my surprise most just ignored it, and also did not even care to care too. When I say that I mean it had no affect on them what so ever. It was not important to them, not even worth their gazing up or if they did they just shrugged their shoulders and "not my problem, not interested in that".

I could not do that, I did not see a ladder or anything I could use to get to that poor little bird. I did know WHO would not only notice it, but feel bad for it and immediately go into action. I looked for the woman that did all the barn work and took care of all the animals and horses. I finally found her and just as I knew she would, she looked up felt empathy for that poor little bird and immediately went into action to get it free. I thanked her and gave her a hug.

Had it not been for me stopping and not only noticing and feeling empathy and wanting to do something to help and making sure SOMEONE did something and figuring out who would care, that little bird would have just died. A lot of adults and their children came and went and NONE of them wanted to care. I thought that was terrible Fuzzy.

What I noticed is how a lot of people were involved with horses not thinking about the animals but thinking about what THEY wanted from the animals. Honestly, often horses and ponies are nothing but a commodity Fuzzy. The animals, and horses and ponies are only USED for pleasure. The TRUTH is Fuzzy, that is also what people do when it comes to OTHER PEOPLE too. And I have even noticed how that is what a lot of parents do too, children are only a commodity to them to PLEASE and USE THEM for the PARENT'S PLEASURE. Often children exist simply because "that's what comes next" and not because someone wants to raise, nurture, and care about bringing another human being into the world that can enjoy life too.

Often a parent expects a child to pay attention and behave and please the parent. If a child doesn't do that that child is often punished. Sadly, a lot of parents JUST focus on the behavior NOT CARING ABOUT THE WHY.
When someone says to me, "Just do not accept the behavior, don't care about the WHY"? I can get triggered to be honest. It's that mindset that resulted in so many people suffering in Asylums not to long ago. If a parent or a husband disliked what they considered UNACCEPTABLE behaviors in a wife or a child, they often had that wife or child committed for someone else to deal with it. Often it was not due to an individual being bad either, but instead being different and NEEDING someone to help untangle it from what they are caught up in and can't seem to break free from.

Well, there are very few Asylums left, got too expensive, too crowded and became unsustainable. YET, that did not CHANGE how people can suffer and face some kind of discard. A lot of these places were shut down because they were considered "INHUMANE".

My own childhood exposed me to seeing others get hurt and treated badly. I watched my older brother constantly being hurt and treated so badly, I watched him sit alone trying to hide his tears. I did not see ANYONE go to him and untangle what he was caught up in that kept hurting him either. Everything was about not liking him because of his behaviors. Bottom line is all they focused on was the behaviors AND NOT THE WHY. I was afraid of him not because he was a bad child, but because he was treated so badly that he would need to vent all his frustrations. Every time I had to run and hide, I always knew it was NOT HIS FAULT.

When I stood there and noticed that little bird struggling so much, all tangled and helpless and how no one CARED enough to notice it much less do anything about it, it reminded me of my older brother. I FEEL IT before I even consciously realize why.

I noticed for a very long time you really did not say much. Instead you came here are read and here and there offered hugs and pictures. The major improvement I have noticed in you Fuzzy, is you have found your voice. You can at least talk about things you experience that hurts you in some way, that's a big improvement. Yet, you will still face challenges from others that don't have the ability to recognize that about you. It's true, there are a lot of people that will treat you like a doormat as soon as you are not USEFUL to them in some way.

I have a friend and she calls once in a while I hear "I am sorry about your loss" and the next part of the conversation is ALL ABOUT HER and what USEFUL advice or comfort I can provide her with. She doesn't even KNOW this about herself either. She graduated cum laude from college, even studied psychology. So much she knows and yet doesn't know. Her son struggles with PTSD from the time he served, he's a vet. She can't GET how he struggles and WHY he tends to distance from her. She cannot see the tangle he is in, can't see the tangle I am in either, it's invisible unless you learn about THE WHYS. She focuses too much on his behaviors without CARING ENOUGH to understand WHY he exhibits these behaviors. This woman doesn't know how to "listen" and the truth is a lot of people simply don't know how to listen. Actually, that is why this site is so busy.

Fortunately Fuzzy, there are people who care enough to observe different behaviors and want to actually KNOW the WHYS. It's because of these people that many individuals struggling in a tangle can get help to understand themselves better and how to learn and grow despite whatever way they might be different. Yet that doesn't change the fact that there are people who still can only look at others for how they are USEFUL and not really be able to actually SEE these others. Often these individuals will take and then treat you badly for not having ALL the answers to suit ALL their needs. These individuals cannot be bothered to help you untangle Fuzzy, they just don't have it in them and a lot of times, they just don't want to care like you do either.

The important thing to recognize about yourself Fuzzy is how far you have come. Yes, now you can decide who you can be safe with and who to walk away from, even slam your door shut on too. Making progress, good for you!

I am so sorry. Big Hugs for you. :

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I’m done with being treated like a doormat. The next person who tries to treat me like **** ........ Will get my door slammed in their face. (Not about anyone on pc)

These people don't have any RESPECT for you.....have they gotten away with treating you this way before?

Glad you are standing up for yourself & slamming the door in their face. Don't worry if they don't like it. You have every right to do what you need to with your door

Good for you for knowing you deserve better.

Interesting allegory, Open Eyes. I wonder if those people would've cared and done something if you had drawn their attention to it.

Rather, I wonder if it isn't affective empathy that people tend to lack, but cognitive empathy. Maybe they're just unobservant or uneducated in the ways of handling horses.

I find that this is the case with other people as well. Suppose there's a group of individuals all chatting about something, and one person is standing quietly, their face contorted in discomfort as they slowly back out of the circle. They're clearly uncomfortable, although the others are too engaged in conversation to notice. But once you point out that so-and-so is standing there all awkward and nervous, the group will immediately try to make that person feel more at ease.

I did make sure everyone that came in saw this bird all tangled and struggling so much trying to get free. No one wanted to do anything or even showed concern for that matter.

This was a place that was set up to teach "cognitive empathy". Sadly, what I saw take place is more of the horse is there for us to USE for our own pleasure. Often the more wealth a person has the less they pay attention to "cognitive empathy". They break it and just get another one, it's just a commodity.

Isn't that peculiar... Maybe people just don't care that much about birds?

If we consider empathy as a spectrum, then only those on the extreme end of it will be moved to save every small animal. Those in the middle of the bell curve usually only extend their empathy to those close to them, their family and friends, co-workers, pets, etc.

For most people, you have to convince them to care about the bird. You have to create a narrative which evokes certain emotions.

I don't think you even have to evoke emotions necessarily but to at least respect the right to life and helping in whatever way you can to respect that. It doesn't have to involve a lot of emotional drama, that can be a bit much, but at least to look at something with others and take a little time out to help if you can, in this case notice this bird needs help to get free as it clearly is unable to do that on it's own.

@theoretical your post reminded me of a term I unfortunately cannot recall at the moment. It refers to how people tend to naturally perceive their species as more important than any other species. An evolutionary survival mechanism. So people don't typically perceive a bird's problem as equally important as a human's problem. For example, when most people are asked: if you were driving down the road one day and had to swerve to avoid hitting a baby or a puppy, which would you choose? Most humans say they will avoid hitting the baby. Because the baby is the same species....and biologically deemed more valuable. I've met a few people who said they'd choose to avoid hitting the pup. I'm not exactly sure what that means. But there you have it.

No, no, I didn't mean what you have to do in order to care for the bird. I meant convincing someone else to care for the bird. In order to do that, you need to first understand the other person and what it takes for them to empathize.

Going back to the original post, Fuzzybear isn't asking how to care about others, but rather, seems aggravated that others aren't caring about her. So, how does one get others to care?

I know what you're talking about, but I can't remember the term either. It's in the field of evolutionary psychology. I remember that much.

There was a similar question posed about saving a friend or a relative, and most people would choose a relative over a friend, even if they were closer with the friend.

Thank you Open Eyes

Thank you

Quote:

I did make sure everyone that came in saw this bird all tangled and struggling so much trying to get free. No one wanted to do anything or even showed concern for that matter.

people don't show concern or care towards things they don't value. I value life whether animal or person & therefore I will do what is necessary to care when I see something I realize needs cared for & there is some way I can figure out what care I can give that will make a difference without harming myself. I do take chances while making that determination.

You can't ever MAKE people care if they don't VALUE the life you are trying to make them care about.

Yes, I have noticed Fuzzy has had a problem with other people caring about her.

I have a feeling Fuzzy would not be one to ignore that struggling bird. And I used it as an example of how her caring is probably going to be different from others who do not want to expend the effort or time to care like she does. A lot of people want someone else to do that, yet at the same time can find her useful when THEY need her time to listen or help with THEIR drama or needs.

What I saw happen to that little bird actually happens to human beings too. I tried to explain that to her in my post giving examples of how human beings are like that with other human beings too.

By the way, it took less than two minutes to get a ladder, and a pair of sissors to free this little bird. I would have done it myself had I known where the ladder was so I could reach the bird.