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NightSkyLover
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Member Since: Jun 2019
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 12
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Confused Jun 22, 2019 at 04:38 PM
  #1
As some of you might know from my introduction, I have experienced almost 10 years of social and emotional bullying as well as other traumatic events, and the consequences of this are affecting my current relationship in ways that scare me. I could use some advice and/or support...

After being rejected, isolated, ridiculed, mocked and criticized for such a long time, I have developed social anxiety but at the same time I hate being alone as it triggers sadness and self-destructive thoughts. My boyfriend is the only person (outside of family) who makes me safe, loved and cared for, something I always thought I was unworthy of; we have very strong feelings for each other and his presence has already helped me tremendously. I have started regaining a little bit of self-esteem (it is still low but was nonexistent before), and have finally experienced true happiness.


The only problem is, I have become excessively attached to him. It took finding happiness to realize how unhappy I was before, and how unhappy I still am whenever I'm alone. He saves me from this loneliness, and I would like the days I spend with him to be my everyday... It feels like my life depends on him, like he is my only reason for living. As I mentioned in my intro thread, we are long-distance and will probably stay that way for at least 2 more years... I have severe separation anxiety and I get totally destroyed each time we have to part. I cry myself to sleep for days each time he leaves; I am anxious about when I'll see him next, anxious about the future, constantly wondering when we will finally be able to move to the same place.


He, however, doesn't seem to be that bothered by the distance. He has 3 siblings and enough friends so he interacts with a lot of people, and doesn't have the emotional fragility that I suffer from in the aftermath of the bullying and two recent sexual assaults. I don't even know if he thinks about the future as I do, and if he includes me in his plans or not. He doesn't know how much I struggle; I have mentioned bullying to him once but minimized it a bit, and disclosed the assaults without too many details. He probably doesn't realize that these things still affect me so much. While being bullied I learnt to never show my emotions, I am ashamed of sadness (my bullies used to challenge each other to be the first to make me cry, so I trained to never cry or be upset in front of people). When my BF and I part, I "look ok" until he can't see me anymore, and that's when I break down. He has no idea about it. I'd like to open up to him, it would be so nice to have his support, and maybe some reassurance about our future. But I'm so scared... scared of seeming too weird, too messed up, scared of driving him away, scared of everything. Do you guys have any advice? Should I tell him? If so, how should I do it? How can I deal with the distance in a more healthy way?
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Smile Jun 25, 2019 at 02:26 PM
  #2
Thanks for sharing this. Unfortunately I don't know as there is much I can offer in the way of useful advice. However I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would. Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of long-distance relationships plus one that discusses 10 secrets of happy couples:

5 Secrets to a Successful Long-Term Relationship or Marriage

The Challenge of Long-Distance Relationships

Solve These 5 HUGE Long-Distance Relationship Problems, Now!

7 Tips for Long-Distance Couples

The 10 Secrets of Happy Couples

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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