Constantly paranoid that people treat me bad

I used to work at Arby’s where I looked up to my supervisor. She used to like me and be nice to me until she suddenly went rejected me. She started being mean to me and yelled a lot. She was still nice to others though.

She had me canned in October 2017 but I’m still affected. I even physically lost my voice bc of multiple mental breakdowns. Now I expect everyone to hurt me. At my current job at McDonald’s, I’m paranoid that people are mean to me when they weren’t. I perceive rejection where none exist. I often accuse ppl of hating on me and being mad at me when they weren’t.

For the past month, I cried during most my shifts and ****** that I’m invisible. And lately, the GM spoke to me with authority and I cried bc he “yelled.” It was mostly the GM that I accuse of being mad and hurtful. Almost every shift I get paranoid. An hourly manager called me a creep and accused me of obsessing over the GM. He even said I’m massively in love with the GM. Then he said it’s making people uncomfortable.

But if my Arby’s supervisor hadn’t been rejecting, I wouldn’t be this way. Hell I’d still be at Sam’s bc I wouldn’t need to act out.

She did not "suddenly " reject you. She told you to leave her alone and you didn't. It was your own behavior that got you canned. And now you have distorted thinking to absolve yourself of any blame. You need to face the truth and own your behavior

At my current job, people constantly tell me no one is mad at me and that I’m not invisible. I direct most of such accusations at the GM. He “yelled” today but he didn’t even raise his voice. He just spoke with authority reminding me to clock out for break. Still, I was sensitive and cried throughout lunch rush. And complained about the “yelling” to a few people.

And when the hourly manager asked me if I’m massively in love with the GM, I said no, he just needs to treat me like everyone else. To which the hourly said the GM does treat me like everyone else. That’s just ONE example of my paranoia.

I been paranoid before but I don’t remember being THIS paranoid in my life. My previous “paranoia” was barely noticeable. Now it’s full blown bc of what happened at Arby’s.

Ruby,

I'm sorry you're feeling paranoid about people's feelings towards you. I think it will be helpful to remind yourself that your supervisor at Arby's didn't just start acting mean to you for no reason. If you recall, and you have admitted, you were stalking her. Her response to you, therefore, was reasonable considering she felt her space and privacy were violated.

Then with your GM, aren't you flirting with him and behaving inappropriately? Hence, why he would be acting less friendly to you and more authoritative?

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are feeling, but the reactions of the people you mention are justified, and it's okay that you feel rejected. I'm sorry you feel rejected, but you're also behaving in an inappropriate manner towards them. If you want the feeling of rejection to stop I suggest that you stop behaving inappropriately so people do not feel uncomfortable around you.

What does your case worker say about this? That hourly manager was wrong to call you a creep. That was inappropriate on his part. If you were misbehaving as an employee then that should have been dealt with in a professional manner, not by name calling. I'm sorry he did that to you.

Is it possible you feel the GM is mad and hurtful to you because you have a crush on him and he doesn't reciprocate? It's less that he's being mean to you and more that he's setting healthy boundaries with a subordinate (you).

I commend you, Ruby, for all the work you are doing, but you cannot blame other people for your actions and their consequences.

My understanding is that paranoia is being unreasonably worried about something happening. That does not sound like what is happening here. This is more a cognitive distortion, misperception, or honestly a delusion.

The GM actually treats me fine. Still joke around from time to time. I started feeling hyper vigilant from months of looking up the Arby’s supervisor on FB. Everything seems to remind me of Arby’s incident, even the Arby’s to go bags that customers brings through the drive thru at McDonald’s.

The GM is one of those people always telling me ain’t no one mad at me. I hate that people have to walk on eggshells around me bc I’m too fragile to withstand much of anything. I didn’t used to be this fragile.

I just feel fragile. Before I got this job at McDonald’s but after Arby’s canned me, I never stopped acting out. And not just at Sam’s. I acted out on campus as well. I cut myself back then and got wasted a lot. I only stopped drinking a few months ago.

Now I’m fragile AF for the past month bc it’s been an exhausting 2 years.

Could you talk to your case manager, job coach and therapist about possibly receiving more intense treatment. Unfortunately things aren’t getting much better with minimal help you are getting. I’d address/ request supervised employment when case manager/job coach is with you on the job making sure you act right until you can function better on your own .

Ruby, these emotional outbursts are more than we can really address online, I feel. Are you receiving regular therapy?

I’m doing hypnotherapy every week. I’m also on medication. I’ve tried cognitive behavioral therapy regularly before but it didn’t help.

What made me worse lately is an Arby’s employee coming through McDonald’s drive thru every morning in her uniform, which is the worst trigger ever. She works for the location I got canned from. That’s when my intense outbursts and paranoia started.

Is the hypnotherapy working out for you, ruby2011? I'm so sorry you have to deal with ALL of this! Keep working on yourself as much as you possibly can. Are your colleagues aware of your struggles? Either way, I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another. Please keep working on yourself with your therapist. I'm glad that you're taking some Meds as well. Are they helping? I certainly hope. Please keep us update don your situation if you can and want to. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, ruby2011!

I recently told the GM about that lady who hurt me. Now he understands. That’s why he took my outburst in stride when he “yelled.” But nobody else knows about this yet. They might be tired of having to constantly tell me no one is mad at me. That same hourly manager who called me a creep is definitely not putting up with this.

why should he put up with all of this? honestly if this was from any other employee you would be long gone. they have given you so many chances it is unbelievable. but at some point you will be fired if you don't get your act together. I get it..you had a bad situation at arby's but that was a long time ago and now you have to move on if you plan to function in the workplace. we all have trauma, we all have issues but we all have to function as adults within the guidelines of what is acceptable behavior. you have a life coach..what are they doing to help you????

I give props to the staff at mcd's because they seem to put up with much drama. sorry...but true.

I’m getting my acts together. I also left a note to everyone about this. Meanwhile, I also reduced my availability to 3 days a week

Maybe working less hours until you get into a better shape is a good idea.

You are rewriting what happened to make yourself the victim and justify your acting out. You are not the victim you were the perpetrator and there is no excuse for your acting out. It sounds like you have lied to the GM about what happened, when the truth comes out you will be fired. No one likes being lied to. The truth is that YOU stalked your manager and were fired after many many warnings about YOUR behavior. You need to own your behavior.

[QUOTE=ruby2011;6563327] But if my Arby’s supervisor hadn’t been rejecting, I wouldn’t be this way. Hell I’d still be at Sam’s bc I wouldn’t need to act out. [/QUOTE]

I agree with the above poster. Ruby, you were not rejected by your supervisor at Arby's.

You had just owned up to your stalking behaviors in a recent thread, which showed great progress with your thought process. Now you're backtracking and are blaming your supervisor again.

You cannot keep blaming others for their reactions to your own inappropriate behaviors.

You are acting out all on your own.

I think it's a great idea that you reduced your availability at work. You need to collect your thoughts again on this.

Please do work with your case worker.

I'm glad you are getting some help beyond just PC. I hope you are talking about these specific things with the therapist.

Regarding the employee coming through the drive thru: I understand that seeing the reminder of the Arby's uniform brings up all the bad feelings from the previous employer and upsets you. Regardless of fault, it was still an upsetting situation for you. While your behavior that got you "canned" was out of line, you have a disorder that makes it challenging for you to understand. So I want to support you, Ruby, that the bad feelings resurfacing when you see the reminder of the uniform is somewhat natural.

What's good is that you are aware of this trigger. When/if you continue to see this person in the Arby's uniform in the mornings, try to practice some positive self talk. You can acknowledge that you made some mistakes, but remind yourself that it doesn't make you or them bad people, and that you are learning, and you will be okay. Remind yourself to stay in the present. Deal with the actual people who are in front of you in the present, not projecting onto them negative feelings from Arby's that are in the past. Does this make sense?

Living with ASD is entirely different ball game that neurotypical people can’t relate to. I think it’s good that you keep posting and asking for suggestions. You are still expected to do your job reasonably well regardless of your disorder. But it can’t be easy

Ruby you didn’t reply to my question re supervised type of employment. You are intelligent so you might not qualify for it but maybe you could qualify due to ASD and difficulty with social skills.. Someone would be with you on the job and will correct your actions if they see you do things wrong and teach you better ways on the spot.

Would you consider asking your case worker?

Yes supported employment might be a good idea. I'll prolly text my job developer to see if that could happen.