He hit me....

I don’t know your whole story so I’m just going by what Divine posted...

He does drugs, steals , now this sex ap on his phone.

I’m glad that he didn’t cause harm to anyone driving drunk, that’s a huge deal to me I lost a best friend in high school to a drunk driver.

He threatened to kill you and “ no one will hear it?” That goes far beyond hitting.

Can I ask what redeeming qualities does he have ?

Normally he is a lot of fun and sweet and was really supportive when my grandmother passed. When we spend time together just the two of us we usually have a lot of fun.

Without even going into any of the other details and analyzing it, this alone is enough to say that this guy is dangerous and it wouldn't be a far stretch to imagine him getting more violent if you remain. The idea he said "no one could hear me" shows forethought and rationale not a rage-induced statement where all thought is missing but he's got some serious violent tendencies I would guess.

He threatened to kill you. Him being fun isn’t even in the same category with death threats. Please talk to a professional about it. Death threats aren’t a joke. If he follows up on his threats, him being fun isn’t going to matter

This is an unexpected reaction to post after 20+ posts from people extremely concerned for your safety. Would you like to elaborate on your thoughts and feelings?

Someone asked about his redeeming qualities. It's not all bad 100%. And I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole situation. I feel guilty still like I pushed him to do it. Like I was acting crazy.

No one is all bad 100% of the time.

I'm in agreement with most others here. That was a shocking level of violence, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was only the tip of the iceberg. Even if this is as bad as he gets, it still far outweighs any positives.

I can see how you’d be very confused about how his personality changed so drastically. Do you think it was the alcohol that fueled him, and have you not seen him that drunk before?

No, there is nothing any woman could do to ‘push’ a man to be that violent and threatening. I pushed my h about as much as anyone could and he never laid a hand on me and never threatened to kill me. I would also think that no amount of alcohol would cause a man to do that unless that violence was already inside him.

You say you’ve been married one year? Is this a new side of him that you’ve seen?

I think you need to consider how much he consumes be it alcohol or drugs. When a person is constantly using drugs and self medicating they are not showing you their true selves. What this typically means instead is they are are participating in avoiding their own issues by self medicating. Just because a person can be "so much fun" doesn't mean you are experiencing the true whole person.

I've seen him drunk before quite a few times. And hes been mean drunk, but not violent. I definitely feel like he has an alcohol problem. I dont know if it was the alcohol mixed with the fact that he thought I was accusing him of cheating. I also wonder if he was using drugs and that made him violent. I'm not sure. We haven't talked yet. But when we do sit down to talk I'm telling him to tell me the truth about everything; the dating sites, drug use, no ********.

I've never been 100% sure about the drugs. I have my suspicions but haven't proven much except that he did cocaine about 4 years ago. And he told me hes done acid about 3 times since we've been together. I suspect it's more but I haven't been able to prove it. The alcohol has always been a problem. He has definitely used it to self medicate especially after his father died.

What are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to repair the relationship? Are you trying to understand him better in order to do that? Are you trying to determine whether or not the relationship can be repaired?

Because the answers you've gotten so far have been a resounding "no," and "it isn't worth it," and "RUN GIRL, RUN!" Yet, your reaction since then has been to downplay it. You've responded directly to someone asking about his virtues, and few others.

So, where's your stance right now?

He’ll likely say he’s sorry and promise to never do it again. Maybe you’ll both decide to not drink too much anymore.

But, can you really ever trust him again after this?:
“ that blew him up. He grabbed me again and pushed me into the bathroom door and grabbed my throat and told me he was going to kill me. He said no one could hear me. He pushed me onto the floor and I got mad and punched him in the stomach. So he punched me in the mouth. I dont exactly what happened next but I remember he had me by the throat again and I was trying to push him away and push his face and he bit me.”

So you blame yourself? You pushed him to threaten to kill you?

and how do you own up to your mistakes and poor judgement here as well

I don't want you to begin to feel uncomfortable in your own thread and begin self blaming either. I think it's important to explore why you have a need to protect him though. If you focus so much on his "fun loving side" you are failing to recognize the bigger picture and in all honesty this is often something someone does when they don't quite know how to allow themselves to see the bigger picture. Also, you could be dealing with an individual that is a binge alcoholic too and he has you living around HIS cycles and is willing to appologize and promise he will never do this again. Then you have that honeymoon period where he behaves until you end up dealing with another one of HIS episodes. What is concerning with this is how he did hit you and he did threaten to kill you. He has already proven he can act on his threats with you, that's bad for you and it doesn't matter what you did, there is simply no excuse for his getting not only verbally abusive with you but physically abusive as well. And these kind of abusers tend to profusely apologize and promise they will never do it again.

Your wanting the romance, love and times you had so much fun with him is not enough when it comes to his tendency to blow up at you this way.

It sounds like this is what you are doing "unknowingly" and other posters are genuinely concerned for you because some of them hung on with a hope and finally realized they had to walk away.
What is Trauma Bonding?

i am concerned because of the illegal behavior by both sides that put innocent bystanders at risk and then his behavior which put the poster at risk. don't speak for others. they are fortunate their combined behavior did not harm or kill others at first.

That’s what I said in my very first post too! Drunk driving is illegal and it kills people. I know people killed by drunk drivers. Also not every person with excessive alcohol consumption drives drunk, and abuses or threatens others. Drunk driving is a crime. If they want to beat each other up and live in abusive marriage and get drunk it’s their choice. But they have no rights to endanger others by driving drunk. It’s criminal

I agree!
It's terrible for everyone! Think about it

I am concerned that the OP is not posting anymore and hope she did not get frightened away.