Accused of not being supportive

I am divorced from my wife of 17 years. Recently, things have been going better and we made plans to do a road trip together and do some antiquing, which we both enjoy. It was part of a plan to spend some quality time together and see if there was still a possibility to rekindle a relationship.

During the course of choosing the dates, a plan was suggested by her to make it a 5 day trip. The first 2 days, we would be antiquing, but the final 3 days, she would like to spend in a town getting some tattoo work done.

During the time we were apart, she found a tattoo artist who is really good, and also gives her discounts and is willing to take payments. She ended up in a sexual relationship with her, but she has since made it clear that she is no longer interested in having sex with him.

She wants to go there to have a bunch of work done and it is extremely affordable. She asked if I would have a problem with it and I made it clear that I would not.

Long story short, she is talking about having at least two full days (6 hours, or however long it takes) of work done and told me that I could just "occupy myself) for those days.

Since the town she will be in is really not that far from home, I suggested that since it was going to occupy that much time, I could just go back and then come pick her up when it is done. I am really not interested in spending a couple of days loitering.

At this point, I am being accused of not being supportive and she is calling off the whole idea on working on a relationship. I thought I was being supportive, but that being supportive did not mean that I had to sit around bored when I could be getting other things done.

Am I suppose to wander the streets and be bored out of my mind in order to show support? I mean, is this reasonable?

I would prefer answers from people with some knowledge in this area.

I don't think your saying you don't care to sit around or hang around while she gets more tattoos is being unsupportive. I think this is a reminder of why things did not work out when you did have a relationship.

Hello Neil and welcome to PC!

I just noticed your post and thought I’d respond as no one yet was being supportive.

I completely agree with your point of view. Of course you shouldn’t hang out for days while she is occupied.

I think this situation is the other way around and she is not being supportive of your relationship. What about quality time? Instead she chooses to do something all by and for herself.

I could see if she was going to the hospital for surgery and you while claiming wanting to work on a relationship wasn’t going to stick around the hospital. Yeah I could see that as maybe unsupportive. But getting a tattoo? What does she need support for? I don’t stick around when my husband gets hair cut lol and we are actually happily married.

Listen, I understand wanting to get back together- some people do that, but usually exes are exes for a reason. My ex husband and I have very amicable friendly relationship. But every few years we and both sides of our families stay together in either same hotels or same houses (our daughters life events) and after about one day I very clearly remember why we are divorced. We just don’t see things the same way.

You two are divorced for a reason. You might be better off dating someone new

Was there some discussion of your differing perspectives on this event prior to her calling the whole thing off? If so, how did that go?