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SandyZee
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Member Since: Jun 2019
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Default Jun 25, 2019 at 01:36 PM
  #1
Hi, I heard about this site through a friend, and after viewing as a guest, I decided to join in. I am 45, and have been married for 20 years. We have two sons, who will be adults in 1 and 2 years. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I honestly have known that my sexual identity is not how I have lived all of my life. I've known since early high school that I was different. But I chose to live my life as society, and my family, expected me to live, and it's just not working for me. I'm always depressed, and I feel alienated in my marriage. I have never acted on how my heart feels, but I finally know now that living this lie has always held me back. I'm just curious if anyone else here has been in this situation? Living this way has made me progressively worse, but I don't see myself living true to myself, and ruining other peoples' lives. I have been in therapy for several years, but can't even seem to admit this to my therapist. I'm not sure why.
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Smile Jun 25, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #2
Hello SandyZee: Thank you for telling us a bit about your situation. I believe this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You referenced your " sexual identity". I'm not sure if you're referring to your sexual orientation or your gender identity. Either way one other forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the LGBTQ+ forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/lgbtq-support/

Based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though you identify as LGBTQ. However anyone can post in that forum. So concerns you have related to your sexual identity could be posted there. I will say, though, the LGBTQ+ forum is not one of the more active forums here on PC. The relationships forum where you have posted this thread is, on the other hand, an appropriate place to post threads talking about the effect your sexual identity has had / is having on your marriage or other relationships.

There's also the sexual & gender issues forum. That one does tend to see more activity & would be another place you could post:

https://psychcentralforums.com/sexua...gender-issues/

By the way, I will tell you I'm an old man who has struggled with issues related to my gender identity for my entire life. And, like you, I believe that having lived my own lie held me back as well. I also choose, though, not to address my gender identity issues & possibly ruin, in my case, what remains of my wife's life. So, although we're a few years apart in age, it sounds as though we may have some things in common.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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SandyZee
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Member Since: Jun 2019
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Default Jun 25, 2019 at 05:40 PM
  #3
Thank you for your reply! Thank you for the links, I have not yet checked all of the forums here. I am so new to talking about this that yes, I mis-spoke. It's my orientation, not my identity, that I have always struggled with. It's not even so much that I struggle with it, as much as I struggle to admit it. This was my first time ever saying anything, typing anything, anything!
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