How to un-crush?

Number one: I've never met her in person, but I know a lot of details about her. She has a lot of problems, but that only seems to endear her to me. She's not in a relationship. I want to get over it, because I'm no good for anyone. My own inferiority says not to try. She's also said she doesn't meet people from online. I want to hold her and tell her all this trouble she has is going to be ok. I haven't approached her because I don't want to lose her as a friend. I really want to get over the crush.

Number two: I do know her, well, and in real life. I find her the most physically attractive woman I've ever met. She's slightly dorky and awkward and I totally relate. I almost always feel totally dorky and awkward. I can't even think around her, and she either knows she drives me up the wall or is very clueless. I have made serious efforts just to be near her, and only to be supportive. I haven't told but one person about how I feel and he moved away and doesn't know how bad it is. I want to get over it, because she's married. I want to be friends, but I'm very attracted to her. I find myself taking mental snapshots of her face and eyes and smiles. She haunts me at night. It's after 2:30 and I'm awake because I was near her today and still see her smiling. I remember how her eye makeup was a little off on one side because of the heat. I don't want to break up a family. I respect her and her family. It's not like I stand a chance anyway.

How can I get over this mess I am? It's obsession and desire for the unobtainable. I know I'm doing wrong by crushing and I do feel terrible about it but it's also wonderful at the same time, though conflicted in several directions at once. Gah! Help?

You did not plan to fall for a married woman so since you haven't told her how you feel and are trying to get over it--you haven't done anything wrong!!

Would she notice if you spent a lot less time with her? (How was it that you spend time with her?) You need to take a long, long break from her. Try to think up a legitimate excuse. You might never get over her but if you spend less time with her--it will become less intense. My POV is that when we like someone--it rarely changes. You will probably always like her so you are torturing yourself by not creating more space.

Okay, so you want to distance yourself from crushing. Well first and foremost this requires distancing yourself from the object of your fancy.

Evaluate your feelings: What are they based on? Are they realistic? Are they achievable? And does the end justify the means? Who stands to gain from this and who stands to lose from this.

Ask yourself what you would tell a friend who is experiencing the very same situation?

Now evaluate the reasons not to act or possess the feelings in much the same way. I am guessing that you would find the situation to be unrealistic, that it is not worth it in the end, and that a lot of people stand to lose.

If this does not alter your feelings then I am sorry but I think you need to look for chinks in her armour. What is not so great about her and how does that impact you.

Just my thoughts.

She's an instructor at the gym. Her class is essential to my feeling better, from the exercise alone. We talk a lot before, during, and after and are friends on social media and sometimes message, though usually about class.
Anything's achievable, but not always logical. Everyone would lose eventually.
My impulsive nature would tell a friend to go for it.
The things that aren't great about her are the things that draw me in the most. I know that says something about me, but I'm unsure what. Imperfections on a masterpiece make it more perfect, more original, and more desirable.
Also, we haven't had this conversation, but she has bipolar eyes. I see bipolar in peoples eyes. I can usually tell by meeting someone if they're bipolar. This isn't an issue, because I am bipolar too. For some reason, I've been attracted way more to bipolar women than any others, even before I know they're bipolar. It was funny in hospital, because I could look at people in the eyes and ask if they were bipolar and was right all but once.

I can think of two ways to un-crush.

One is to learn about their flaws and weaknesses, so you don't idealize them.

Here, though, you are attracted to their flaws/weaknesses.

The other way I know of to un-crush is to stop all contact.

If not permanently, then at least for a long time.

What if you don't contact either of them for the month of July?

I wonder if there are other gym classes.

If not, "no contact" could be taking a strictly professional approach before, during, and after class. No contact beyond what you would say to any other gym instructor.

I'm afraid I must agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could, SorryShaped Definitely go NO CONTACT at least with your second crush. I know it's painful but I'm afraid that's the only thing to do if you want to "get over" your crush on her. Try to reduce the contact with her as much as you possibly can. Try to see if you can find another gym. Just try not to engage with too much conversations with her. It will be painful but I feel like that may be the best option As for your first crush it's a little bit more complicated. I'd actually suggest you to give it a try if it wasn't for the fact that you've said that she's not interested in meeting people from online websites. You've also said that you don't want to lose her friendships. Since it's an online friendship I guess it should be easier for you to talk to her despite your crush. Am I right? In any case I'm afraid that the option remains pretty much the same if you want to get over your crush for her although I understand that it's pretty painful The alternative would be to just tell her the truth about how you feel towards here. It depends on how much you're willing to risk it. Give it a thought if you want. The only other advice I can give you is to remember that people are not always what they seem like in real life versus their online personas. Perhaps you can try to think of that when you feel attracted towards her. I'm not sure if you already know her appearance but appearances can be VERY deceptive as well. Other than that I don't have too much advice to give to you unfortunately! I hope things will get better soon for you Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, SorryShaped, and to ALL the people you love and who love you!

I spent a few minutes looking in the mirror and reminding myself that I'm not worthy of anyone. I'm beneath everyone. Good ol' inferiority complex might be what helps this time. I'd end up hurting anyway. This way, I can hurt myself, mentally, and nobody else gets involved. This is miserableness in extremis. I'll swallow how I feel but I'll never forget it. I'll go have a cry now

Sometimes, distracting myself works for ending a crush. I know that the feelings of that high, the excitement and intense emotion are hard to replace. I have been there. It's hard to resist.

What often works for me is I stop crushing when I find out they're married or have a partner. You say she's married. Would it kill your feelings to imagine her domestic life with her spouse? Or would that make it worse?

I think you have to figure out what would disgust you enough to stop liking a person and maybe apply that to your crush. I dislike certain political ideologies. Once I find out a crush voted for a certain politician, it kills my feelings for the crush.

I think these crushes are an indication that you are lonely and you desire to love and be loved. You want someone to care about. This is completely normal and expected in any person. Don't feel bad about having feelings. I'm sorry you're hurting.