Hot-Cold, Pursuer - Distancer, Rescheduling

I most certainly not a beauty. Just ok. Plus am quite older. I don’t think it matters though. It takes more than looks

I think you might want to reflect on falling for women whom you don’t even know. If after 3 dates (and only two were good) you are that crazy about a woman, what’s really going on? Are you focusing on lust rather than other aspects?

I’d also look into reasons behind your assumptions that a woman is crazy about you and is head over heels and just doesn’t want to see you for some other reasons. That’s why I brought up examples of many men convinced that I am just as interested as them when it was not the case at all.

I feel you really didn't understand what I was trying to say. (Feeling attacked)

1) Never said I was "falling" for this woman. "Crazy" yes, like I was doubting my intuition. Again, a major red flag. I walked away after 2 dates. Very proud of that!

2) I felt manipulated. This wasn't an, "I'm in love what do I?" post.

3) When a woman talks about sex with me and looks me directly in the eyes and says. "I don't think I've ever really made "love" before." and the topic at hand is conscious loving. I guess when a woman talks like this and looks me directly in the eyes; I assume she is interested in me. Perhaps I was being too assumptive?

Furthermore, she did make future plans with me for this Thursday. "I've saved this day just for you." I just felt like I was being jerked around. After she canceled this Saturday on me. When I was rearranging my schedule (once again) that's when realized I had done this before; only for her to change plans. Due to another woman treating me fairly. I awoke to how I was being manipulated and moreover devalued.

4) Lastly, lust is not driving me anymore and for that I am very grateful. Thus, I was able to walk away and feel GREAT about it! I feel so much better now that I am no longer involved with her.

I feel perhaps you are projecting some of your own experiences with men onto me and my situation.

zeninfinity, good for you for walking away from her. Her behavior was a red flag, and her saying that she felt you guys were in some sort distancer / pursuer situation, where she's the distancer, was also a red flag as well as very telling of who she is and what she's like in dating. The fact that you feel much better now? That's your gut saying thank you.

Thank you so much for your vote of confidence! It means a lot to me!

In my last conversation with her she revealed that she is just 7 months out of a relationship. I thought she hadn't dated in 3 years, just like me. We talked about how cool it was that we were in the same situation (not dating in 3 years). I guess she forgot that conversation! Lol! She went on to say she dated they guy "on and off" for 2 years, she said it was really volatile. "On and off"? "Volatile"? Then the major reveal, she has been married twice. "This was the first guy I felt love for."

....and off I ran. Again, dodged a bullet.

I guess the major accomplishment is that I finally listened to my intuition.

Instead of my primal self (lust) overriding red flags. I was finally able to hear my intuition and CHOSE to go with it.

Again Ptak, thank you so much for your encouraging words! Really appreciate it!

No. The "primal self" narrative is a load of evo-psych nonsense. If I tell you "no," you better back off, or you're going to see what a real social predator looks like.

I agree. No is no. No one better exercise their subconscious or primal chase when it comes to me. And if they can’t control themselves they better get help and quick

Maybe she was interested during that date or maybe she was just horny or a player (all this sex talk early on, what a turn off) but then later she wasn’t interested anymore. Either something was said over the phone that she disliked or maybe she’s met someone else or maybe she is dating too many people to keep track. Who knows. She doesn’t sound like a catch.

No I am not projecting. Just saying sometimes people don’t see what’s really going on or assume things (both men and women). Not just my experience.

I am just saying that you’ve met in May and now it’s a middle of July. If it was a great match and she was very interested, by now you two would be regularly seeing each other and maybe a couple. Instead she kept canceling and you don’t see each other.. Her constant canceling was a very obvious sign. I am just saying instead of assuming just go by what’s an obvious sign right in front of you

I had a young coworker who went on two dates with a guy and after that she kept contacting him, he cancelled few times and then stood her up! And she still kept asking us if she should pursue him because she was sure they had magical time and he really liked her and they had deep connection and was just shy.

She refused to listen to us and kept calling and texting and trying to get him to commit to another date. It took her forever to finally let him go and only because he stopped responding to her. Sure it would be nicer if he was up front. But if people like you, they will actively date you. You won’t have to chase them!

Keep dating women who are interested and direct. Don’t assume things