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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 09:31 AM
  #1
My husband has been cutting again. We have 2 almost 3 year olds (twins) and he has been stressed with them as well as fighting with family members. We have been arguing here and there too but we had a disagreement the other day and lifted his pants, his thigh was ripped up. He is a recovering addict and said instead of using did that. In the past month he has left saying hes wanted divorce and is totally unhappy with me as a person, and the children are the way they are (FING KIDS) because of me. He works over nights and sleeps days. I have been medicating through a doctor to handle his bipolar (I have major anxiety/ptsd) but I am feeling sick and at a loss. I dont know what posting this will help.
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 03:36 PM
  #2
He definitely needs help in coping with his feelings. He is hurting everyone around him. I am glad he refrained from using again, but he needs to find a better way to let his feelings out. I am a firm believer that working overnight is hard for everyone especially the person working it. It changes a person and it is unnatural to our bodies. Are the kids there when he is trying to sleep? Is he is taking care of them during the day? Kids are tough too especially when they are young and at that age where you cant take your eyes off of them. I hope you are holding up ok through all of this.
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 11:09 PM
  #3
As a person that has self harmed off and on my whole life. As bad as it is it releases endorphins so it feels good on one level. Very unhealthy level of course.

So he has Bipolar? Is he being treated for it ? Does he see a Therapist? I worked nights for nearly a decade before I was diagnosed Bipolar and that’s the first thing I was advised to do is flip to a day shift.

Would he be willing to go to couples counseling?

Your on meds , that’s good, but do you have a Therapist ? You need someone to process all this with and decide what’s best for you and the children.

I’m sorry your in a difficult position.

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Heart Jul 16, 2019 at 11:34 AM
  #4
Yes, he is diagnosed bipolar but has been on the same level of Depakote for years. I have been with him 6 years in August. He refuses therapy. I dont do therapy because he felt the therapist was trying to break us apart not fix the actual problems... I felt therapy was helping but she did make my problems be "more". I am a natural pushover/peace maker. I stopped going. Mostly because of things he'd say about it, or it was too big a deal to watch the kids...
Really interesting first thing they reccomend is a day shift. I feel like sometimes Ive just lost him, and me as a person because I dont leave the home & Im a Sahm, a prisoner mentally. He acts like I am being unfaithful or seeing my family(whom he hates) if I take the children for anything.. so I dont. I now get major anxiety taking or leaving the kids with him. Thanks for the insight.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
As a person that has self harmed off and on my whole life. As bad as it is it releases endorphins so it feels good on one level. Very unhealthy level of course.

So he has Bipolar? Is he being treated for it ? Does he see a Therapist? I worked nights for nearly a decade before I was diagnosed Bipolar and that’s the first thing I was advised to do is flip to a day shift.

Would he be willing to go to couples counseling?

Your on meds , that’s good, but do you have a Therapist ? You need someone to process all this with and decide what’s best for you and the children.

I’m sorry your in a difficult position.
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Heart Jul 16, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #5
Thanks for taking the time to even write. I use to cut and use too, but have years sober. I dont know how to make him happy anymore, the kids dont. Overnights began once the kids were born and I am more comfortable sleeping alone anymore..
he will NOT quit overnights, Ive begged.
He doesnt want to work in society 9-5.
Your questions I answered in another response, I am barely holding up to be honest with you I am going through a mental battle.

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He definitely needs help in coping with his feelings. He is hurting everyone around him. I am glad he refrained from using again, but he needs to find a better way to let his feelings out. I am a firm believer that working overnight is hard for everyone especially the person working it. It changes a person and it is unnatural to our bodies. Are the kids there when he is trying to sleep? Is he is taking care of them during the day? Kids are tough too especially when they are young and at that age where you cant take your eyes off of them. I hope you are holding up ok through all of this.
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 12:47 AM
  #6
Your not able to go come and go as your wish? He’s miserable and it sounds like you are also.

I hope you find a way to help decide how you want you and your children’s life to be. He doesn’t have to like you seeing a Therapist or clergy or whomever to talk to.. but it sounds like you really need to start making plans.

Stay safe

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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 01:40 PM
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I like the therapist's recommendation that he switch his work hours to the day shift. Studies show that people who work overnights suffer from higher rates of depression. My friend had to quit her night shift as an x-ray technician because she couldn't handle the side effects of working overnights after a few years.

Is your husband even open to discussion about changing his shift to daytime hours so he can sleep at night? I wonder if his boss would allow him to switch to the daytime.

He NEEDS to get over his stereotype of "daytime society" b/c the overnight shift is destroying his marriage, his relationship with his children, and his own mental and physical health. I fear that is the best solution, whether he likes it or not. He sounds very narrow minded and stubborn if he refuses to make his work shift change for the betterment of himself and you and the children. Sorry you are in this situation.

Living & Coping With Shift Work Disorder | National Sleep Foundation

The Night Shift | Psychology Today
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 02:18 PM
  #8
I am deeply sorry that your family is going through ALL of this, @Twinmama831! Please hang in there. I feel like your husband DEFINITELY needs help. It's up to him to get it though. I agree with the other wise posters about doing day shifts. It seems clear that night shifts are being REALLY hard on his mental health. Try to talk to him as much as you possibly can about this. Make him understand that it's a FUNDAMENTAL decision if he wants to save your marriage. Hopefully he'll start seeing a therapist as well if he can. Just try to have a SERIOUS talk with him and make him understand that it's important for him, for you and your kids to do something. I am so very sorry and I wish I could do more to help. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you need advice and support I'll get back at you as soon as I possibly can. Remember to take care of yourself as well as your health is REALLY important as well! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly can. Let us know how things are turning out for you. Wish you the best of luck in BOTH your life and your healing! Keep taking care of yourself! That's REALLY IMPORTANT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Twinmama831, and to ALL of your family! PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN WITH ALL THE STRENGTH YOU CAN FIND!
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