Friend or fraud?

I don't even know why I titled this the way that I did, because I think the answer to that question is pretty obvious by now. Nonetheless, I'm trying to figure out some of the details and looking for a second opinion. Btw, this "friend" who I think is trying to pull a scam on me is Amy, and she's the same I've written about here: https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...s-friends.html

Some background: Amy and I became friends over mutual interests. I noticed some "red flags" right off the bat. She was overly affectionate and flirtatious with nearly everyone. She overshared deep insecurities with me within about a month of knowing her, and she seemed weirdly insistent about them. It was like she held all of her buttons right under my finger and demanded, "DON'T PRESS ANY OF THESE!" She also admitted to playing some rather manipulative games with her boyfriend (now ex), and didn't seem to recognize that her behavior was manipulative. She's very pushy and controlling in general, which triggers my aggression (note: this is something that I enjoy). She has also been very two-faced toward people; acting friendly toward them, but then admitting to me that she feels very insecure around them. To say that she's competitive to a fault would be a massive understatement. There's more, and I can give specific examples for all of these if requested, but I won't in this post for the sake of brevity.

The scam...

Week 1: I've been planning to move to another state, and Amy proposed that she would apply in the same city and we would rent a house together. This was almost entirely a financial decision considering that it would cut the cost significantly, but also we would each have a form of social support, as neither of us have friends or family in that state. I was on board for this, and we began making plans. She also roped a third friend into this.

Week 2: She decided that she's going to stay with her parents for a few months before our move. They live on the other side of the country, and she wants to visit with them for a while because she misses them. Fine.

Week 3: In discussion of our move, she complained about saving money for the move and how she was afraid that she would begin spending frivolously when she was with her parents. As I am financially stable, she asked me to open a joint savings account with her so that she could start saving money for the move. Her reasoning was that, if I was on the account, she wouldn't be able to access the money as easily, which would force her to save it. My scammer senses were tingling, but it was her money, not mine.

Week 4: She fell for a guy who was going through a messy divorce while she was also in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend. She unloaded her emotional baggage on my couch regarding this matter. She told me that she wished I could be as open with her as she is with me.

Week 5: She complained something about her ex-boyfriend for awhile, and then she brought up the bank thing again out of the blue by stating, "We should go to the bank on Wednesday." I had been thinking about her proposal, not about whether I should agree to it, but that it was odd how readily she was to trust me with her money. Skeptical, I began to ask some probing questions, pretending as if I'd forgotten about the whole thing. She reminded me that we were going to get a joint account. Fine. She stated that we would each put some money into it to save for moving expenses. Not fine. She never mentioned anything about my money in Week 3. In fact, she explicitly said it would be only her money and her account, merely with my name on it. She stated, "It was your plan, remember?" Not fine. This was not my plan, and this also wasn't the first time she had tried to convince me that one of her stupid ideas was actually mine in an attempt to get me to do something.

So yeah, this whole debacle just screams "scam" to me, but there are a few things that I'm having trouble figuring out. If this were a coldly calculated ploy, then why did she reveal to me her deepest insecurities? It's like she's trying to rob me, but handing me the gun beforehand. It doesn't make any sense. Maybe she's just not a good robber. Or maybe it wasn't all coldly calculated.

Anyway, I immediately shot down her "proposal," but I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to bring it up again. I haven't otherwise done anything because I'm now highly amused by the situation and beginning to see it as a game (which I realize is terrible for everyone involved, but it is what it is).

It does sound like this is a scam. I would try to distance myself from Amy.

Yep, she seems like she is throwing you a change up and changing things and scamming you. I would back out and quick.

This girl is a mess. Get away from her while you still can.

The girl is bad news. So she graduated to now attempting to use you financially. I was never asked to open joint accounts with anyone in my entire life, and I have met ton of people on two continents. This girl is sure not shy. I have to give her that.

I don’t think it matters if she is cold and manipulative or just stupid. It’s a waste of time figuring out why people do what they do as we might never get an answer, we can only know why we do what we do.

This girl is a waste of time. I hope enough is finally enough.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. Now let me just tie my running shoes.

Seriously, though, I've already changed my mind about us co-renting a house, and there isn't a snowball's chance in Hell that I'm going to trust her with anything money related. Not that I've ever trusted anyone with such things, but whatever.

And I'll exit stage left eventually... after we get back from Vegas. A group of us have been planning to go for months now, I don't want to get left out because we're fighting over this nonsense.

Yeah, that's the thing that's been bothering me. It all just seems too obvious.

I disagree with you, however, about figuring people out. It's among my favorite hobbies.

That does not rule out the possibility of a scam.

1. Oversharing can be a form of manipulation to win your sympathy.

2.A scammer can be very selective about the information she shares. She shares a lot so you think she is making herself vulnerable to you. But she is actually very careful about what she shares in a sense that they would only be information that would not hurt her in the long run.

3. These "insecurities" may be lies or acting.

And if she is not scamming you, then she is at the minimum, suffering from delusions (i.e. insisting that you agreed to something you never did).

I agree with everyone else that you should get away from her.

I definitely think she's pulling a scam, and I think a lot of her manipulations are deliberate. But I don't think she's being manipulative when she exposes her vulnerabilities. Her insecurities seem genuine, judging by the way she reacts when people push her buttons, deliberately or otherwise. Come to think of it, there is a certain "Cluster" of little bees who are prone to being manipulative while also being extremely insecure. I think narcissist is fitting, but I'm not a doctor.

Anyway, now the question is how to leave. I'm trying to sever the strings neatly so that I don't damage other friendships. We're all in the same circle of friends, and there are a lot of people I enjoy hanging out with.

I think what is important is to show her that you mean well.

As far as her spending habits, suggest her to speak to a therapist about managing that.

How long have you been friends with her?

Ideally, yes, but if she keeps pushing me on this issue (or any other), I'm going to push back. Maybe this will be a good exercise in self-restraint.

I've suggested therapy before. She can't afford it, or so she says.

Not quite a year. We've only started hanging out regularly over the past two months, after she proposed that we be housemates so that we could get to know each other better and see if we'd get along well while living together.

I agree with this.

If you’ve already observed her behaviour ie what pushes her buttons then it does seem as though she’s shared these vulnerabilities with you in order to fast track your friendship - she’s also asked the same from you right?
I’m not sure you’ll be able to end things neatly, maybe just being firm about not opening a bank account and on reflection the house sharing thing wasn’t a good idea?

Imo if you can be assertive and assured about it (which if you’re seeing it as sport shouldn’t be too hard) then you might get a bit of a ‘meh’ response response from her as she realises that her ‘charm’ hasn’t worked and will see that you can’t be manipulated and so will move on to her next victim.
Show some weakness over it and I’d bet she’d go mental at you as these kinds of people can just smell it and will use it to further manipulate you - it can only go one of those two ways?

Yeah, I've just been tied up (figuratively) and haven't seen her since posting this. Which is good, I suppose, because it gave me some space and time to plan.

I think you're right that this won't end neatly, regardless of what I do. But maybe that's the key. She's involved in a messy romantic affair with a co-worker, so perhaps that's my out.