advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Foo Fighter
Member
 
Foo Fighter's Avatar
Foo Fighter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
Posts: 160
5 yr Member
87 hugs
given
Angry Jul 16, 2019 at 10:34 AM
  #1
This has been a very long ongoing problem with my family. I speak too loudly. I do have issues talking with my Aspergers syndrome but how they tell me to handle it is downright rude. Here is a typical convo:

Me: So any way the vet said Sebastian just has a bug. Whew! Y'kn-
Mom/Dad/younger sibling: You are talking too loud. They then proceed to start their conversation that I have a hard time engaging in.
I shut up
True I do talk too loud but they never wait until I am done talking. They have cut me off mid sentence so many times that I have just told them "Well nevermind, it wasn't important, anyway." and shut up. I know that is not the most mature way to handle that but I do feel very hurt and angry like they really did not care for what I had to say and just want me to shut up.Its gone past the point of "oh, sorry." I understand they want to help me have a meaningful conversation but it feels like cutting me off mid sentence and changing the subject is more of a singling out and conversation killer. I have not really been taught how to deal with being too loud. Outside my family, my husband says I do talk a bit loud but he does that too....and that its noticeable but not horrible. My parents get him about it too in the same way. I understand they want to help but what they are doing is not helping at all. I feel like I'm a third wheel sometimes in conversations with my folks and sister as they all can have a conversation without trouble but I struggle as my sister is a very fast talker, my dad can go on for a long time and my mom just points out when I talk too loud. It's hard to keep up with them sometimes so I try to listen. Sorry if it's long I'm just frustrated because I feel like I just bother them. I know that's not true but it does,feel like they would rather I just be quiet.
Foo Fighter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, Buffy01, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky

advertisement
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 17, 2019 at 03:23 AM
  #2
Are they familiar with your disorder? Did they participate with your treatment when you were younger? It seems a little unfair for them to basically shut you up if they understand your difficulties.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
Iloivar
Member
Iloivar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 210
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jul 17, 2019 at 04:52 AM
  #3
What if you tried vocalizing how you feel? Essentially what you told us. That you know they're trying to help but they make you feel such and such.
Iloivar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Foo Fighter
Member
 
Foo Fighter's Avatar
Foo Fighter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
Posts: 160
5 yr Member
87 hugs
given
Default Jul 23, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #4
Thanks everyone. They mean well and are aware but it is frustrating. I think next time it happens I will talk to them and say "I know you are concerned about my talking volume but it is no excuse to interrupt mid sentence. Please wait until I am done talking and then tell me. I find it rude when you do this mid sentence."
Foo Fighter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
hvert
Grand Magnate
 
hvert's Avatar
hvert has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 4,887
10 yr Member
3,785 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 25, 2019 at 06:00 AM
  #5
That's a great response to getting cut off in the middle of a sentence. I would consider bringing the topic up before it happens, if possible. It reduces the risk of someone getting defensive. What about asking them to make a silent hand gesture when they think the volume is too loud?

It sounds to me like it is not just the volume. They don't want to listen and are used to engaging in this rude behavior of just telling you to stop talking. It's become an entrenched habit. Lots of people would rather listen to themselves talk than someone else, but they only feel comfortable expressing that feeling to family members! Anyway, that's why I kind of like the idea of a hand gesture - they have to keep listening but still can express that they think your volume is too high. On the other hand, having your conversation policed at all seems wrong.

It's interesting that all three of them have their own conversational issues but instead of focusing on their own problems, they are focusing on fixing the conversational issues they perceive in you. How would they like it if their conversational foibles were repeatedly pointed out midstream? How were you supposed to learn how to have meaningful conversations if your parents and siblings model communication patterns where they don't listen to you and don't make it easy for you to follow?
hvert is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 25, 2019 at 06:20 AM
  #6
I agree with the wise posters that that's REALLY rude, @Foo Fighter! You have EVERY RIGHT to speak up! Definitely bring it up with them! If they truly care about you they'll acknowledge your feelings! Don't let them supress them! Let us know how things turn out for you! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Foo Fighter! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
chrissy17
New Member
chrissy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Jul 29, 2019 at 02:46 AM
  #7
Although I am here searching for questions more closely related to my concerns-when I read that you talk too loud, I continued reading because that is something I do and more than a handful of people have told me and tried to make me lower my voice. My comment is related to the reply from "hvert". You are spot on in your comment of saying... "t sounds to me like it is not just the volume. They don't want to listen and are used to engaging in this rude behavior of just telling you to stop talking". I have found that superficial issues like focusing on the volume, hand gesture usage or facial expressions are often just a tool that others use to either get you off track, react in a poor way or change the subject. But simply put...Don't want to listen. Everyone deserves to be heard.
chrissy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 30, 2019 at 09:19 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foo Fighter View Post
This has been a very long ongoing problem with my family. I speak too loudly. I do have issues talking with my Aspergers syndrome but how they tell me to handle it is downright rude. Here is a typical convo:

Me: So any way the vet said Sebastian just has a bug. Whew! Y'kn-
Mom/Dad/younger sibling: You are talking too loud. They then proceed to start their conversation that I have a hard time engaging in.
I shut up
True I do talk too loud but they never wait until I am done talking. They have cut me off mid sentence so many times that I have just told them "Well nevermind, it wasn't important, anyway." and shut up. I know that is not the most mature way to handle that but I do feel very hurt and angry like they really did not care for what I had to say and just want me to shut up.Its gone past the point of "oh, sorry." I understand they want to help me have a meaningful conversation but it feels like cutting me off mid sentence and changing the subject is more of a singling out and conversation killer. I have not really been taught how to deal with being too loud. Outside my family, my husband says I do talk a bit loud but he does that too....and that its noticeable but not horrible. My parents get him about it too in the same way. I understand they want to help but what they are doing is not helping at all. I feel like I'm a third wheel sometimes in conversations with my folks and sister as they all can have a conversation without trouble but I struggle as my sister is a very fast talker, my dad can go on for a long time and my mom just points out when I talk too loud. It's hard to keep up with them sometimes so I try to listen. Sorry if it's long I'm just frustrated because I feel like I just bother them. I know that's not true but it does,feel like they would rather I just be quiet.
I completely understand! I have a nephew who has aspherges !y sister and niece yell at him all the time.
Buffy01 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:36 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.