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Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
Posts: 160
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#1
This has been a very long ongoing problem with my family. I speak too loudly. I do have issues talking with my Aspergers syndrome but how they tell me to handle it is downright rude. Here is a typical convo:
Me: So any way the vet said Sebastian just has a bug. Whew! Y'kn- Mom/Dad/younger sibling: You are talking too loud. They then proceed to start their conversation that I have a hard time engaging in. I shut up True I do talk too loud but they never wait until I am done talking. They have cut me off mid sentence so many times that I have just told them "Well nevermind, it wasn't important, anyway." and shut up. I know that is not the most mature way to handle that but I do feel very hurt and angry like they really did not care for what I had to say and just want me to shut up.Its gone past the point of "oh, sorry." I understand they want to help me have a meaningful conversation but it feels like cutting me off mid sentence and changing the subject is more of a singling out and conversation killer. I have not really been taught how to deal with being too loud. Outside my family, my husband says I do talk a bit loud but he does that too....and that its noticeable but not horrible. My parents get him about it too in the same way. I understand they want to help but what they are doing is not helping at all. I feel like I'm a third wheel sometimes in conversations with my folks and sister as they all can have a conversation without trouble but I struggle as my sister is a very fast talker, my dad can go on for a long time and my mom just points out when I talk too loud. It's hard to keep up with them sometimes so I try to listen. Sorry if it's long I'm just frustrated because I feel like I just bother them. I know that's not true but it does,feel like they would rather I just be quiet. |
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Bill3, Buffy01, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes, unaluna
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Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#2
Are they familiar with your disorder? Did they participate with your treatment when you were younger? It seems a little unfair for them to basically shut you up if they understand your difficulties.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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MickeyCheeky
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Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Planet Earth
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#3
What if you tried vocalizing how you feel? Essentially what you told us. That you know they're trying to help but they make you feel such and such.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
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#4
Thanks everyone. They mean well and are aware but it is frustrating. I think next time it happens I will talk to them and say "I know you are concerned about my talking volume but it is no excuse to interrupt mid sentence. Please wait until I am done talking and then tell me. I find it rude when you do this mid sentence."
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MickeyCheeky
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Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
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#5
That's a great response to getting cut off in the middle of a sentence. I would consider bringing the topic up before it happens, if possible. It reduces the risk of someone getting defensive. What about asking them to make a silent hand gesture when they think the volume is too loud?
It sounds to me like it is not just the volume. They don't want to listen and are used to engaging in this rude behavior of just telling you to stop talking. It's become an entrenched habit. Lots of people would rather listen to themselves talk than someone else, but they only feel comfortable expressing that feeling to family members! Anyway, that's why I kind of like the idea of a hand gesture - they have to keep listening but still can express that they think your volume is too high. On the other hand, having your conversation policed at all seems wrong. It's interesting that all three of them have their own conversational issues but instead of focusing on their own problems, they are focusing on fixing the conversational issues they perceive in you. How would they like it if their conversational foibles were repeatedly pointed out midstream? How were you supposed to learn how to have meaningful conversations if your parents and siblings model communication patterns where they don't listen to you and don't make it easy for you to follow? |
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Iloivar, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#6
I agree with the wise posters that that's REALLY rude, @Foo Fighter! You have EVERY RIGHT to speak up! Definitely bring it up with them! If they truly care about you they'll acknowledge your feelings! Don't let them supress them! Let us know how things turn out for you! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Foo Fighter! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!
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New Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: NY
Posts: 1
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#7
Although I am here searching for questions more closely related to my concerns-when I read that you talk too loud, I continued reading because that is something I do and more than a handful of people have told me and tried to make me lower my voice. My comment is related to the reply from "hvert". You are spot on in your comment of saying... "t sounds to me like it is not just the volume. They don't want to listen and are used to engaging in this rude behavior of just telling you to stop talking". I have found that superficial issues like focusing on the volume, hand gesture usage or facial expressions are often just a tool that others use to either get you off track, react in a poor way or change the subject. But simply put...Don't want to listen. Everyone deserves to be heard.
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Wise Elder
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#8
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