Coping with difficult people and situations

You can’t always control your environment and the people you have to interact with. How do you cope with people and environments that make you feel unhappy? Sometimes it’s family or work environments or maybe your neighbors and you can’t do much to change the situation. I don’t want to be a complete hermit and I’m sure that at times I’m the difficult person for other people - we all are at some time or other probably. It’s hard to find a balance sometimes.

Drugs and daydreaming. Sometimes having some alone time is good.

You sometimes say you are the difficult person--can't say that I see any evidence of it in your posts. What I do see is evidence that you feel guilty about setting boundaries with people. I do understand that you have a job and at work you may have responsibilities that are difficult and unavoidable. Also, as a couple (when you are married like we are ), there are things that we have agreed to do that take up our time. For instance, I do nearly all the cooking and much of the housework. Having done most of the cooking for so long, I can do this pretty fast and without much fuss. It helps that I like to cook and am not working much lately. There are things my husband takes care of too. There are also things that neither of us like to do. Having been married a long time--I have learned to ignore some of the things that neither of us are motivated to do. Examples of this would be cleaning out clutter that is his stuff (he would not like it if I threw away any of his things of course) and mowing the yard. It just doesn't get done and I have learned to let it lie (looks terrible but I am not going to take these chores on so I ignore it and let it be because my husband isn't going to do these things unless he wants to--I have learned that nagging won't help and I don't want to have that role. ) The trick is figuring out how to increase your discretionary time at both work and home. Don't be afraid to say "no" (or say there is something you need to do when people come to your desk at work to talk).

Do you think you say "no" enough and ignore responsibilities that you dislike and are not mandatory? (Our yard looks terrible but unless we get complaints I have learned to ignore it and if someone complained I would tell them to talk to my H about it--I would not take on that responsibility/monkey.) Also, have you learned to ignore things and let them be? These are two ways to deal with difficult people/situations from my POV.

I wish I knew. Recently I have become a hermit because I just find people -- everyplace - too difficult to deal with. At this moment I can't think of one person who does... legit.. make me happy. They all, in their own way, are difficult and make me miserable.

Sometimes I think I bring it out in them.

For instance I like to be prepared and ready to go at all times and never ask for assistance. This seems to make people want to throw roadblocks in my way. I assume that if I was more in need of assistance they would be kinder to me. But they don't want me to "outshine" them.

Sometimes it isn't even me. I went to Home Depot the other day to return a sliding screen door. They lady asked me why I was returning it, I said it didn't fit and said, this particular brand gets horrible reviews on the website maybe it shouldn't be sold. This must of irked her. She says well, we sell products based on the reviews on the website (sarcasm) and then she asks me if I knew anyone who wanted to work there for a whole $12 dollars an hour... clearly this was trying to dig at me like for $12 an hour I don't care what you think about this product...made me feel I should have come off mean in the first place... by coming off nice she got her opportunity to be mean to me.

I try to find the silver linings and any positives that can be had out of a seemingly negative situation.

@TunedOut

You’re right that I have always had a hard time with boundaries and saying no and ignoring annoying things. I have started saying something when there’s a problem. It’s getting easier for me to say speak up and let go of things but it’s still a challenge. I spent a lot of my life living without boundaries and people running all over them. Now that I’ve found more peace in my life, any invasion of my peace and quiet is just annoying as h——.

Drugs and daydreaming. That’s hilarious!

Omg, lol!

Sisabel, it's great that you've learned to have some boundaries and have found a peaceful place. I think you just need to remember that you can use those boundaries whenever someone is being difficult. If it's getting to be too much, you can politely excuse yourself and go back to your peaceful place. Everybody needs their "me time" to recharge.

You're right that coming off nice does leave you vulnerable to people like her. Luckily, those types of people are pretty rare and it's easy to recognize and adapt to - you can remain nice by listening to what they have to say while not actually engaging further into what they're saying.


People's actions are a reflection of themselves, not you. I believe it's better to accept yourself and adapt to others rather than change yourself in response to others.

@Zevvy

Thank you for the positive feedback. I’m glad I have learned to retreat and get out of situations. Sometimes I dwell on the negative interactions. I blame myself for being stupid enough to let my guard down with someone who I already know I can’t really trust. It replays in my mind for a few days. I need to stop this. It’s not healthy.

I wish I could figure it out too. I also retreat into hermit mode but suspect avoidance isn't the right approach. I'm finally learning to set better boundaries which helps, but there's still some people I just don't want to see. Even worse than replaying events in my mind after the fact is the anxiety and dread beforehand. We're visiting family I don't like in two weeks and I am already stressed about all the complaints that the visit isn't long enough.

It is easier for me to mentally deal with difficult neighbors than it is to deal with family.